Stop Allowing the Kardashians to Use the Junk in their Truck to Sell You Junk

Two weeks ago, Lowe’s pulled its advertising from the TLC show “All-American Muslim.” Why? Because some nutjob fringe group, the Florida Family Association, claimed that the families depicted in the show were too ordinary, and that the show sought to humanize Muslims instead of showing Muslims for what they really are: People who pose a “clear and present danger to the liberties…that the majority of Americans cherish.”

One of the many problems with Florida Family Association, besides blatant bigotry, xenophobia, and general jackassery is that it’s ignoring a much bigger, far more bigger threat to American values, one that is sitting right under their nose: The Mawfacking Kardashians. No, the Kardashians don’t blow themselves up in churches (nor do 99.99 percent of Muslims), but the Kardashians brand of terrorism is more insidious: It’s cultural. It’s mainstream. It’s accepted. And it’s wildly popular. The Kardashians, with their big a**es, their sex tapes, their defiant stupidity, and their eager fame-whoring, are inserting themselves into American popular culture, insulting our collecting intelligence, holding themselves up as role models, and profiting — hugely — from an image of spoiled, lazy, untalented airheaded brats. In fact, Kim is reportedly being paid $600,000 to go to a party in Tao on New Year’s Eve. That poor woman. LIFE IS SO HARD. Oh, and the Kardashians also use child labor to manufacture their products, because of course they do. Louis C.K. makes a million dollars and gives away 78 percent of it; Kim Kardashian makes 11-year-old Chinese girls work 16 hours a day for $2.

How do we make it stop? We take the same approach the Florida Family Association took: Boycott the many retailers and brands that support the Kardashians. That’s just what the website, Boycott Kim, has sought to do.

Boycott Kim Kardashian and all that she stands for by going after those who hire her and give her incentive to continue to pollute our culture. Kim Kardashian has already shown us she will say, do, and sink lower daily as long as her unjustified fifteen minutes of fame continue and so long as brands still continue to hire her to sell their products. Please join us in pledging to boycott the brands and stores listed on this site.

It’s not really that hard, or at least no more difficult that being a Kardashian. Sign the petition, stop watching E! Entertainment (except for Talk Soup, of course), don’t buy Sketchers, and don’t buy her skanky perfume. And for God’s sake, stop masturbating to her sex tape. Your penis deserves better.