So here’s the thing. The Huffington Post and its readers compiled this list of the best lines from television over the past year, and it’s… I don’t know, fine? Underwhelming? Sure, they hit some of the biggies, like “I am the one who knocks!” and Ron Swanson’s demand for “all the bacon and eggs you have,” but they left a lot on the table. A LOT. I understand it’s not easy to smush a whole year of television into under two minutes, but you can’t exactly make that argument when you included the full 20 second clip of Jim saying goodbye to Michael on “The Office.” Was it a notable moment from the past year? Of course. Did it warrant devoting a full 10% of the compilation to it? Not even close. Especially considering there wasn’t a single line from “Community” or “Justified” in the video, or any mention of a rum ham. That simply will not do.
Honestly, I think we can do better. Check that… I KNOW we can do better. So watch the video after the jump, and feel free to leave your own favorite lines from the past year in the comments. I’ll get the party started by quoting a very wise man who knows a thing or two about starting parties.
Well said, sir.
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- I’m not being a snob.
- Not a snob? You sound like Frasier’s brother.
- Niles Crane was completely misunderstood. #suits
Kettle corn? THAT’S A FUN TIME SNACK
This is clearly the darkest timeline.
Evil Troyy and evil Abeeeed
Stop…..pooping.
WINNER.
Agreed.
LINE OF THE YEAR!
From the unfairly-maligned Heart of Archness (Part III):
Malory: For god’s sake woman, where is your pride?
Cheryl: In my work.
Malory: That made be the funniest thing you’ve ever said.
Noah: Ready for the morning briefing?
Archer: Noah! I’m half drunk and slathered in every bodily fluid there is… *drinks booze* so yeah this is about as Pirate Kingy as I’m gonna get.
I loved part II’s: “Call you back 1930s and watch out for that Adolf Hitler, he’s a bad egg!”
“They would never cancel ‘Game of Thrones!’”
It’s not just for fantasy enthusiasts, they’re telling human stories in a fantasy world.
“I died in the trench, years back. I thought you knew that.”
-Jimmy, Boardwalk Empire, Episode 24, “To The Lost”
My favorite from Game of Thrones is “This is Bronn, son of…”
“You never heard of him”
And from Breaking Bad: [spoiler alert] [is.gd]
Also, it wasn’t really a line, but “Comedian/Masturbator” belongs on any “best of” list.
“The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head in front of your weeping mother!” – Leslie Knope
The Gus scene was the first thing to come to my mind. Good call.
“Do you know where I’m from, asshole?” – Raylan Givens
Down there we know the difference between dynamite and road flares.
I don’t remember anything you said before “rectum”!!!
Ok everybody, let’s let Britta sing her AWKWARD song! –Dean Pelton
Denny’s is for winners.
“Abed, that’s inappriorate! You can’t ask people stuff like that. It’s immature.
PIZZA! Pizza pizza in my tummy! Me so hungy, me so hungy!”
“Me so Chirstmas, me so merry!”
I got a Christmas time for me! I got a Christmas time for a tree!
Britta’s in this?
Wow, Huffington Post sucked at this.
Louie’s entire pouring-out-of-the-heart speech to Pamela from “Subway/Pamela” was far and away my favorite thing spoken by a human on television this year.
“I never sleep on planes, I don’t wanna get incepted.” – Jack “30 Rock”
“There is only one God, and his name is death. And there is only one thing we say to death: Not today.” – Syrio Forel “Game of Thrones”
“You’re the AT&T of people” -Troy, “Community”
You are human tennis elbow. You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth. You’re the opposite of Batman.
I loved that one!
“Yuuuuup.”
It wasn’t a line, but the buttfucking hobos from Always Sunny deserve a mention somewhere.
“I’m going to eat space paninis with Black Hitler and there’s nothing you can do about it!” – Troy Barnes, Community
- Name the douchebag who’s in charge.
- Vincent…Van Go(bleep)yourself
- Vincent Van Go(bleep)myself. Survey says…!
- (Boom.)
- Archer!
- What, Lana?? I said it was a rampage!
The last line being my suggestion…
“you never know whats on the board, cock flavored spit?”
This is the winner. Outside of maybe the Skytanic Episode from season 1 or 2 this was my favorite episode.
LANA! You’re in the isolation booth!
I named my fantasy football team “Janitoros Inocente.” They won the league championship, of course.
“CRISIS ALERT!!!”
well played.
I haven’t heard mention of IASIP’s “The Gang gets Trapped” episode in any year end list which makes me fear that I may be crazy for liking it so much. Thedelivery of “Don’t pee with me in the room!” is the one line I love the most that hasn’t been mentioned already.
That was probably my favorite episode of the season as well. Charlie showing up in the room with them when he was supposed to create a diversion so they could leave was just perfect.
Also, from Workaholics “HEYO, MAGGOTS!”
I’m still partial to “That was such a Tommy thing to say” or “I can’t go to Hedonism guys… BECAUSE MY DICK FELL OFFFFFFFFF”
“Ding ding ding ding ding ding DING!” – Hector Salamanca, Breaking Bad.
Good one!
YOU CAN’T DISAPPOINT A PICTURE!
I’m untouchable, bitch.
Clay: Where is everybody?
Tig: Chibs and Hap went home, haven’t seen Bobby or Juice, I think Jax finally tracked down Ope and Miles and Kozik are dead.
Happy: He’s gotta die…like a lot.
“LET’S GET WEIRD!” – Workaholics
the whole sequence from the league with the sorbet.
“The boy means nothing to me. I can’t stand the wailing of women.”
*SLAP*
“One word and I hit you again.”
“I’m telling mother!
*SLAP*
“Go, tell her.”
Sandor Clegane: “The prince will remember that, little lord.”
Tyrion Lannister: “I hope so. If he forgets, be a good dog and remind him.”
- My outlaw ways are behind me.
- Just you saying that scares the shit out of me.
- I hope you get cancer.
- Already had it.
- I hope you get it again.
Justified.
“Andre, do you see yourself more as a rapist who also does magic or a magician who also likes to rape?”
Any Rafi line.
I dyed my pubes white like Brian’s so my dick is terrifying.
“The black guy, Blind Side, who played defense”
“Offensive line”
“Sorry, African American.”
Modern Family
“Maybe next time we can use the strap-on that God gave me?”
/Workaholics
“That was awesome. That naked dude, a regular Ed Helms. That guy was packin heat”
“You mean John Holmes?”
“No. Ed Helms, from The Office. Supposedly he’s got like a stellar rig.”
No mention of Tyrion saying “If I could pray with my cock I’d be much more religious”? For shame.
Hooooooollllllly shit! Is that the OCEAN?!? What’s on the other side of it there? –Charlie Kelly
Europe
Cry havoc and let slip the hogs of war! – Sterling Archer
…and this was my fantasy football team slogan. That fantasy football team of mine named “Janitoros Inocente” that won the league championship.
Whatever farm animal of war, Lana, shut up!
“If only there were a word that describes the joy I get from your misfortune.”
“I specialize in Bird Law”
Boyd: You asking me? Or are you telling me?
Raylan: If it makes you feel better you can tell people I asked.
Raylan: “Winona, you wet-blanket harlot, I am going to take you out back and shoot you like livestock.”
Wait, that didn’t happen?
^Yup
I’m going to need to check her anus. Have that blonde lady there help to lift her.
And the two lines that follow.
“I’m literally gonna sodomize you. I’m gonna have non consensual sex with your face and butt and then I’m going for your wife and children… Just kidding.”
Rafi – His scene with Ruxin where he takes the eagle from the desk is also phenomenal.
“That is what you call a glory hole, we just have to get down and dig it.” -Jack Hoffman on Gold Rush.
(Intentional comedy on tv sometimes cannot hold a candle.)
“I won” *hangs up on Skylar*
-Walter White
I love this shit, this shit gets me hard. ~ Sniper Tim, Justified