Finally, an Excuse to Say “Toddlers” and “Meat Bikini” In the Same Sentence

I’m probably going to Hell for that headline, but I’ll see Laci’s Mom, who does not have it going on, there. On last night’s “Toddlers & Tiaras,” the only show brave enough to let parents live vicariously through their underage daughters, eight-year-old Laci was forced to dress up as Lady Gaga by her mother; she even arrived on stage in an egg. Honestly, when she “spilled” out if it, you could say I got a little yolked up. *Dodges unripe tomatoes*

She was also supposed to wear a meat dress, until tragedy struck:

“[When] we realized we were already late and realized we weren’t going to have enough time for the meat bikini, it was really devestating [sic],” said her mother. Laci might have disagreed with that, though, as she was none too pleased when they were attempting to attach the meat to her swimsuit.

“Ah, it touched my leg!” she shrieked at one point, and at another she kept repeating, “It just dripped on me!” (Huffington Post)

In five years, when Buzzfeed has become more powerful than Google, they’re going to run an article titled “Where Are They Now? Toddlers & Tiaras Edition,” and I really don’t want to read that Laci was killed in a drug deal gone wrong after needing a pick-me-up because her mother forced her to sing “Polka Face” for 17 straight hours outside of the local Arby’s. Won’t somebody think of the children, indeed.