Her.
Earlier today, Donald Trump unveiled the 18 contestants for the fifth season of “The Celebrity Apprentice,” which premieres on NBC on February 12. Here they are, ranked by their current cultural relevance.
Relevant: Michael Andretti (cars and stuff); Adam Carolla (unfortunately means Bill Simmons will write a 17,000 word essay comparing this season to the first :17 seconds of Hoosiers); Lou Ferrigno (THE HULK); George Takei (Sulu/gay rights activist); Paul Teutul, Sr. (like Clay Morrow but real); and Patricia Velásquez (second Marta on “Arrested Development”).
Once Relevant: Tia Carrere (all downhill since Wayne’s World 2); Arsenio Hall (will the Trump WHOOP?); Lisa Lampanelli (“…something something black guys!”); Dayana Mendoza (psh, former Miss Universe); and Cheryl Tiegs (her SI Swimsuit Issue covers helped a lot of guys get through high school in the 1970s).
And here’s a bunch of “celebrities” who never mattered, ever: Clay Aiken (best known for being named “Clay Aiken”); Debbie Gibson (Tiffany’s better); Teresa Giudice (Housewife of Jersey who looks anything but real); Victoria Gotti (Hot Italian Dish author); Penn Jillette (loud magician); Dee Snider (Twisted Sister: awful band or MOST awful band?); and Girl from Danity Kane. And the Trump himself.
But will there be bear throwing?
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And here’s a bunch of “celebrities” who never mattered, ever: … Debbie Gibson (Tiffany’s better)
Opinions not necessarily those of entire Warming Glow staff.
I’m still furious about this 30 minutes later.
I was literally born during The Beautiful You: Celebrating The Good Life Shopping Mall Tour ’87 (LITERALLY), so I’m biased, I guess.
DG, watch the cat fight at the end of Mega Python vs. Gatoroid to know the truth:
Busty Ginger > Skinny Blonde
How you figure the second Marta is relevant, having done pretty much nothing since, and Penn with his witty and fun to watch Penn and Teller Tell a Lie, I’ll never know.
Unless you were being ironic. Or it’s opposite day.
Wait. Who gives a shit who’s on Trumps Weekly Ego Stroke to begin with?
The Internet as a whole once decreed “AD guest apperance = forever relevance.”
Agreed. Penn can be loud and annoying, but that doesn’t make him not relevant.
Also funny that Carolla and Penn were on Dancing With the Stars in the same season, and now this. What are they following each other around the Celebrity Reality Show circuit?
And here’s a bunch of “celebrities” who never mattered, ever: Dee Snider (Twisted Sister: awful band or MOST awful band?)
Are you kidding me? We’re not gonna take it! No we’re not gonna take it!
I’m with you, UU.
[Goes here, presses "I've got a good mind to slap your fat face" button repeatedly.]
I’ll give Dee half-credit for composing the theme song to The Terrible Thunderlizards. Actually, if Twisted Sister had been named the Terrible Thunderlizards instead, they’d be the greatest band of all-time.
Dee Snider testified before Congress against that stupid crusade Tipper Gore led against musicians who dared to say dirty words.
And goddamn it, he did it in a black tank top and sunglasses. For some reason, he decided the rules of congressional decorum mandated that he remove the cutoff denim vest he was wearing.
You’re saying he never mattered? Fuck that nonsense.
Really? No “Strangeland” credit for Dee Snider? My roommate is gonna be soooooo mad at you. (Not a joke, please help me)
Watch out for Captain Howdy…
Was that a bear? I thought it was Trump’s hair.
Damn you. Damn you straight to hell for saying Tiffany is better than Deborah (don’t call me Debbie) Gibson. Unless we’re talking about boobs. Then, yes, Tiffany > Debbie.
“Unless we’re talking about boobs.”
There are other things?
Fuck all you Dee Snider haters. Can’t say I’m a particular fan of his music, but I am a fan of his person.
here here.
Paul Teutul, Sr. (like Clay Morrow but real)
I don’t remember Clay Morrow sobbing when his dog died.
…not to diminish the pain of those who have lost a loved pet…
Paul Sr. is no fucking Clay Morrow. Let’s get that straight right fucking now.
Tiffany and Debbie Gibson were different people? That can’t be right
/still trying to figure out the “Corey’s”
Easy to figure out now, since, you know… one caught the dead.