When did you first fall in love with Gary Busey? For me, it was when I saw Rookie of the Year, when Busey, as washed up pitcher “Rocket” Steadman, extolled the virtues of airplane Salisbury steaks. My admiration for the actor continued to increase when I watched A Crack In the Floor, listened to him laugh, and admired his creativity when he exposed the name of his penis. It’s Big Wednesday. The name of Gary Busey’s penis is Big Wednesday. And now he’s on “Celebrity Wife Swap,” exchanging partners with Ted Haggard and revealing to the world what he’s learned over the years. Hear them all in the video below, but here are some of the best.
On Recreational Hot Spots: “Earth is the best vacation place for advanced clowns.”
On Acronyms: “F-U-N: Finally. Understanding. Nothing. And that’s what’s fun about fun.”
On Acronyms, Pt. II: “You know what OK stands for?…Only. Kidding.”
On Religion: “Do you go to church?” “I am a church.”
On Spirituality: “I have a friend, he’s a full-blood Lakota Sioux Indian from Standing Rock Reservation, and he’s going to come do a spiritual ceremony.”
On the Past: “Let me share this with you: in the ’80s, I was severely addicted to cocaine.”
“I feel the presence of something coming, like a big black horse.”
“You mean like a limo?”
“Yeah.”
“You know what’s good about farting in the sink?”
What a wise man.
(H/T to @theryanwalsh and Matt)
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Gary Busey was under the impression that he’d be able to swap his wife for something more utilitarian, like a cheese grater or a pillow case full of mouse traps.
He seems like the type that would barter his wife for a supply of wolf pelts and a ceremonial lute.
Comedy Central needs to bring back “I’m With Busey” immediately. Who else is going to spout priceless bon mots like this while grilling roadkill?
Gary Busey loved that show so much that he decided to live “I’m With Busey” every day. It starts filming five minutes before he wakes up and suspends five minutes after he falls asleep. All naps are filmed IN THEIR ENTIRETY!!!
I have a sort of Pavlovian response to Gary Busey. Every time he pops up on my TV, my hand automatically grabs the remote and hits Record on the DVR. It’s conditioning.
That said, Wife Swap the other night was phenomenal.
I love that the religious wife says someone else’s beliefs are ‘just a whim’. Oh hardcore Christians, you are the best at being passive aggressive assholes.
Just a whim. You know, like when your husband has a three-year sexual affair with a gay masseur, fueled by crystal meth and deeply repressed feelings of shame.
Or, you know, when you buy a pack of gum in the checkout aisle.
In 1988, Gary Busey played Life Swap with some concrete.
You’re on fire Burnsy, not unlike the time Gary Busey was fired from Mansion of Blood. (In the New York Daily News article about that “incident,” the final graf begins, “In one very memorable episode, Metaloaf unloaded on him in a foul-mouth tirade…” Greatest typo ever. METAL OAF 4 LIFE *air guitar*)
“When did you first fall in love with Gary Busey?”
Point Break. “Right around that corner, there is a sandwich shop. They sell meatball sandwiches. Best I’ve ever tasted. Would you go get me two? Come on partner. Two. Thank you… Utah, get me TWO!” … This started my lifelong obsession with eating from places where the food looks cool … and meatballs. I should have paid closer attention to the next line: “I’m so hungry I could eat the ass end out of a dead rhino, I should have had you get me three of these things!”
+1 Tanka. I often find myself ordering two meatball subs and just throwing the extra one away. Also Busey got me with Predator 2.
“You know what’s good about farting in the sink?”
Obviously it keeps the lobster from smiling.
I thought the answer was that if it turns out to be a shart, you’ve got the garbage disposal right there.
“Big Wednesday” is a 1978 surfing movie starring Gary Busey as well. I’m kind of disappointed. If he was going to name his penis after one of his films there were so many better choices. Please reply and share what you would have named it. I would’ve gone with Thunderbolt and Lightfoot.
Last American Hero.
Lethal Weapon
Point Break.
Bulletproof.
Come on, people. He was in a film called “Homo Erectus.”
As for sex itself, Busey calls it “Jacob Two Two Meets the Hooded Fang.”
I’m glad Busey clarified that he was a a full-blood Lakota Sioux Indian. I always get them confused with all the other kinds of full-blood Lakota Sioux.
There’s a certain amount of justice in the world, now that I see Ted Haggard’s current church is a shack with exposed wires and framing.