What’s On Tonight: Breckin Meyer Is the Poor Man’s Mark Feuerstein

The ABC sitcoms are all in reruns tonight, which is the universe’s way of telling you to go to a local pub trivia contest, read a book, hit up your Netflix account, or surf for porn. If none of those choices appeal to you, here are your meager television choices:

Touch (Fox) — Series preview. Kiefer Sutherland stars as a widowed father whose autistic, mute son can predict events through patterns in numbers. The good news? This is a preview episode airing two months before it’s official premiere, which suggests that the network has a lot of faith in it. The bad news? It comes from Tim Kring, the guy behind “Heroes,” so even if it starts strong, it’s likely to fall apart midway through the first season.

CSI (CBS) — It’s Marg Helgenberger’s last episode. Tomorrow, the TV Gods will repossess her plastic surgery.

Royal Pains — Quick! Without looking it up, who was the star of the ill-fated NBC sitcom “Good Morning, Miami”? Mark Feuerstein or Breckin Meyer? And which one was the star of the ill-fated NBC sitcom, “Inside Schwartz”? And is Breckin Meyer the poor man’s Mark Feuerstein or is it the other way around?

Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy: Extreme American Critters (History) — More evidence to support Danger’s thesis that Cable TV is Full of Liars.

Face Off (SyFy) — I had heretofore never heard of this show, but for a reality show, it sounds cool. It’s about a group of prosthetic makeup artists who compete against each other to create prostheses like those found in science fiction and horror films, like the header image above, which is actually a picture of Marg Helgenberger after her plastic surgery has been repossessed.