What’s On Tonight: Wrasslin’ & Drinkin’

I have no idea who any of these people are.

We’re back to a regular schedule tomorrow. Hopefully there will finally be some TV news, or else I might have to resort to paying some of you to TP the Kardashian’s house just so I have something to write about.

WWE Monday Night Raw (USA) – I’m not usually that into the whole fake wrestling thing, but this gets lead billing tonight for two reasons: 1) Our Uproxx compadres at With Leather are running an open discussion thread for tonight’s episode, so if you’re watching, you should head over there to check it out, and; 2) As that link explains, Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding from “Saved by the Bell”) has expressed an interest in being Raw’s General Manager, and that is VERY relevant to my interests. After all, someone needs to figure out what is going on there.

The Bachelor (ABC) — Season premiere. The new Bachelor, Ben Flajnik, went to the University of Arizona, owns a winery, dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, sings in a tribute band, and is nicknamed “Storm Horse.” He is, quite possibly, the world’s biggest douche.

How I Met Your Mother/2 Broke Girls/Mike & Molly/Two and a Half Men/Hawaii Five-0 (CBS) – CBS’s whole Monday night lineup is back. With the exception of HIMYM, I can’t think of anything I’d rather watch less.

Who’s Still Standing/Fear Factor (NBC) – I stand corrected.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo) – From TV Guide: “Taylor grapples with marital hardship as the other ladies fly to Hawaii for a sun-and-fun getaway. But there’s a nasty Hawaiian punch when Kim misses her flight. Worse, she misses her second flight as well.” This is a television show. A rich woman missing her flight, twice. Think hard about that.

Pawn Stars (History) – Through a series of events I do not understand and therefore am completely incapable of explaining, this has become one of the shows I watch on a regular basis. I never knew I had so many strongly held beliefs about how much one should pay for suits of armor and possibly fake historical documents, but I do. OH, I DO.

The Layover (Travel) – As far as I can tell, this show — where Anthony Bourdain goes to all the bars and restaurants in a city he can during a 24-hour layover — is about a very wealthy man who has very large bowel movements on airplanes.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Everyone is in reruns except Ferguson, and his lead guest is Tim Meadows. Get some sleep.