Every time I wash my hands (approximately once a week), I have to cup them, let them fill up with water, and then pour the water over the faucet. I’m not sure why I do it or where it comes from (repressed childhood memories of not being a stock photo model), but without fail, I MUST DO IT. I think that’s a strange addiction, if not OCD’y – so what does that say about the girl who’s obsessed with eating rocks?
“My Strange Addiction,” which airs on the twenty-first century’s answer to the carnival freak show, TLC, is fascinating, in a really perverse way – not unlike every reality show ever. But what separates it from other fine TLC programming, such as “Hoarding: Buried Alive” and “Extreme Couponing,” is that, for the most part, the series doesn’t force you to FEEL PITY FOR THESE MISUNDERSTOOD MONSTERS. It does a good job of acting like a documentary – here’s the messed up sh*t that they do, and here’s why they do it.
Also: it’s fun for us to go, “HAHAHAHA, look at that there guy eating glass. What a cut up.” This is a list of the show’s 10 strangest strange addicts, with an out-of-context quote from each that makes them sound like they’re discussing something much more sexual than sniffing bleach.
Name: Davecat
Addiction: His "real doll"
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "The sex has gotta be fantastic!"
Best Screenshot:
Name: Evan
Addiction: Pulling hair out of shower drains
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "It has to be slimy, it has to be wet...Like if I pulled out a bunch of dry hair, I don't know — actually, I've never done that, so I don't know."
Best Screenshot:
Name: Kelly
Addiction: Eating cheesy potatoes (she appeared on "Freaky Eaters," but same difference)
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "It's ooey and gooey and just yum-yum-yum."
Best Screenshot:
(For more on Kelly, check out the FilmDrunk Frotcast, with special guest Matt Ufford!)
Name: Sheyla
Addiction: Her freakishly large boobs (38KKK — KKK?! That's not good...)
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "That's not big enough. I need bigger."
Best Screenshot:
Name: Josh (not me)
Addiction: Eating glass
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "When I bite into the glass, I just get a warm feeling. Kind of get a little bit tingly."
Best Screenshot:
Name: Gloria
Addiction: Bathing in bleach
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "I just like the feel of bleach."
Best Screenshot:
Name: Bianca
Addiction: Eating pottery and cigarette ashes
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "It's kind of salty, kind of gritty, and I like the way it dissolves on my tongue."
Best Screenshot:
Name: Teresa
Addiction: Eating rocks
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: Just replace "co*ks" for "rocks" every time. INSTANT HILARITY.
Best Screenshot:
Name: Kesha
Addiction: Eating toilet paper
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "A good place where people really don't pay attention to you eating toilet paper is the movie theater. It's dark in there, so you can sneak a couple of sheets in without anyone noticing." (Replace "toilet paper" with "masturbation.")
Best Screenshot:
Name: Nathaniel
Addiction: In a romantic and sexual relationship with his car
Best Sexually Explicit Quote: "How does that work? How can you have sex with your car?" "Mainly, it's just a lot of rubbing up against him."
Best Screenshot:
(It's important to realize he's basically doing It with his car, while talking to his dad.)
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Pulling hair from show drains is actually quite enjoyable. I had a helluva time cleaning out a big clomp of it, YEARS worth of accumulation, about a month ago. Now the water goes straight down the drain. Pubes have met their match. Love it.
Cleaning dryer lint from the lint trap is awesome. As is kicking the accumulated snow off the back of car tires.
Not a homophobe, but what struck me as the oddest about Nathaniel (car sex guy) is that the car was male, even though he made reference to dating women in the past. The “having sex with his car” thing was weird, but the fact that it was a male car just PUSHED IT OVER THE TOP. Oh, and that it took him a year to work up the courage to hump his car; dude wanted to take his time and lay a strong foundation before “putting his banana in the tailpipe.”
Agreed. He’s like a repressed character from a Todd Solondz movie. “Are you wet? Is your gas tank all wet?”
I noticed that immediately too and thought it was weird that it was specifically gay sex with his car.
It was the gay sex that pushed it over the top for you? Not the fact that HE HAS A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A CAR?
Also: “Not a homophobe…” is basically the same thing as “I’m not racist, but…”
Gotta say it seems like the fact that you’re more weirded out by the guy being gay than him banging a car sounds pretty homophobic to me.
Anthony, fair point, and I don’t think I am, but who the hell knows. I have been present at gay weddings, I have, legitimately, numerous gay friends. I support gay rights. I have attended multiple gay pride parades. Whatever, as you may not even believe any of it. But, yeah, it really struck me as odd that it was a male car. Sorry.
Guys, I have A TON OF BLACK FRIENDS. Honest!
I’ve always been a homophone…..
Mookie; so the car is a stick…. shift?
You kidding? I’m gay and I tend to agree with Mookie. The car thing is bizarre, sure, but that he’s in a “committed” sexual relationship with a male car when he’s basically been straight his entire life? There’s some weird shit going on in that guy’s head.
I love that they blurred the car’s badge as if they were protect the identity of an innocent.
Car fucker is fucked. Also, I now want some cheesy potatoes.
“Have you been idling or are you just glad to see me?”
Josh, there is nothing more sexual than sniffing bleach.
You don’t understand our love!
I’m more of a turpentine guy myself. Call me old fashioned.
Looks like Gloria is another victim of revitiligo
/Uncle Ruckus’d
My new year’s resolution was to curb my addiction to donkey shows. Donkey cocks can really get a hold on you.
That’s funny, there’s a story in today’s Sun newspaper which has a lass who has eaten more than four thousand washing up sponges. She dips them in mustard or hot sauce.
Yeah those are all really uh strange, what with the guy and the addictions. I can’t live this lie! I just watched the one about the woman with 36KKK boobs.
That lady with the huge boobs lives here in Houston. She was on the news recently because she got in a car accident and her airbags failed. The cars that is, her airbags saved her.
Isnt telling your dad that you fuck your car while slowly sudsing it up a lot like coming out of the closet to him while rubbing baby oil on some guys chest?
It’s weird. You really can’t tell that the cheesy potatoes girl has been eating cheesy potatoes for 20+ years. She’s looking great!
I hope youse guise don’t think less of me……
….but I, too,am addicted to large breasts
This has bugged me for awhile: who’s in your avatar picture?
Lourdes Madonna Ciccone – Someone
Is Davecat the weird relation to Cat?
/Only Rimmer gets this “joke”
The lady who eats cheesy potatoes has an asshole for a husband. I get trying to introduce her to veggies, but you’re gonna start with a Brussel sprout? Seriously? Why not just fart on a green crayon and try that instead?
But seriously, she’ll be dead in 5 years.
I bet that car fucker has a closet full of Mercedes-Benz sheisse porn.
JESUS CHRIST THE TEETH ON THE ROCK EATER. *SHUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDEEEEEERRRRRRR*
As far as the lady with the huge knocks goes, her friend near the beginning is much hotter than she is.
Yeah like you aren’t attracte to the huge breasts, I like naturals my self, but still they’re pretty.