TV Guide has a video up on their site — which I can’t get to embed properly because at least one of us in this tango is incompetent — featuring JWOWW, Snooki, and Deena from “Jersey Shore” giving dating advice for Valentine’s Day. Most of it is exactly what you’d expect: Snooki signing off on having sex on the first date, JWOWW suggesting women wear tight, leopard print dresses and tan themselves orange, and so on. But the highlight of the clip comes when newest cast member Deena opens her big beautiful mouth and utters this glorious hodgepodge of words:
“I think if you’re trying to wife-up a guy, definitely don’t do sex on the first date.”
Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus, that is fantastic. “If you’re trying to wife-up a guy, definitely don’t do sex on the first date.” DO SEX. Not “have sex.” DO. SEX. I swear, every time I think I’m done with these goons, they go and do something like this that absolutely blows me away. The best part about it is that, delightfully misguided syntax aside, it’s actually pretty reasonable advice. Especially when you compare it to some of the other tips in the video. I guess what I’m getting at is that New Jersey should probably add this sentence to their sex education curriculum effective immediately. It couldn’t hurt.
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Deena just hasn’t met the right guy to sink a cannoli into her meat sauce.
/gesticulates until a seizure starts
So the signs above their heads indicate what spends the most time in their mouths, no?
+1.
I am extraordinarily excited about this, too.
So, be slutty? But if you’re not, speak in gibberish?
Finally, someone whose dating advice is less useful than Cosmo!
Every time I see that Deena, I wait for her to open her mouth and start pulling flies out of the air with her tongue.
Wrap it up. That is all. Maybe twice.
I’m married so I don’t need dating advice. However, if I did, I’d listen to that lovely doctor who comes on here and talks about that site she went on and found the love of her life.
I think I will start listening to the bisexual.
happy Valentine’s day! Do you wanna look for some bilover to hook up tonight?===Datebi*c/O’m=== is a site for bisexual and bicurious singles and friends.Here you can find hundreds of thousands of open-minded singles & couples looking to explore their bisexuality.sign up for free.,,,
“Do sex” does sound a bit off, but I’ve totally adopted “do a shit” into my vernacular after watching Mighty Boosh.
No, you’re missing what’s going on Guerrero – Deena’s just a huge fan of the movie Freeway, the Reese Witherspoon/Kiefer Sutherland modern trailer-park Little Red Riding Hood story, featuring Reese’s classic line to Kiefer “What, you’re gonna do sex to me when I’m dead?”
Or, alternatively, Deena’s actually advising against playing video games on the first date – definitely don’t Deus Ex. She’s just pronouncing it phonetically.
@DG Dina has been pushing that stupid fucking phrase for weeks on Season 5.
/throws arms up in disgust
I haven’t been keeping with this show so this might be a stupid question but … who’s the tranny with Snooki?