The Most Spectacular Motion Picture Event in Motion Picture Event History

If you watched the 84th Annual Academy Awards last night, first of all: My sympathies. Even as Oscar ceremonies go, that was one of the least memorable. It was lifeless, uninspired, and ultimately — while I did love The Artist and Hugo and Moneyball — the movies up for awards this year were fairly lackluster, grand-scheme wise. The Artist was great, but like a lot of other recent Best Picture winners — Crash, Slumdog Millionaire, King’s Speech — it’s not the sort of movie that will be featured heavily in Oscar montages in the years to come. I think the Academy really missed the boat in not nominating — and choosing to win — Drive, but I won’t get started down that road because we’d never get to the point of this post.

The point? The one good thing to come out of last night’s Oscar ceremony: Jimmy Kimmel’s Movie: The Movie trailer, basically an 8-minute video that includes every A-plot and every living A-list Hollywood actor. There’s a gay president, a werewolf, an ancient scroll, a wedding, a dangerous secret agent, a dog who plays sports, a centaur, a boat on top of a soul plane with snakes on it, Bryan Cranston’s exploding wiener cart, and even Black Hitler. Basically, every A-list actor is in it, except for Ryan Gosling, because COME ON! Where’s Ryan Gosling? Jesus, Kimmel? Even you slight Baby Goose?

Check out the trailer. It’s guaranteed to be better than anything Friedberg and Seltzer have put together.