Courtesy of Burnsy
In 1976, NBC unveiled a new logo to replace their ubiquitous peacock. It was fancy-looking N made up of two trapezoids, and it cost more than $600,000 to develop. Thing is, a Nebraska PBS affiliate already had a similar-looking logo — which only cost $100 to design. To avoid a lawsuit, NBC paid a $1 million package to the Nebraska station, along with another $55,000 to, according to Mental Floss, "pay for the costs related to not only the legal battle, but the development and implementation of a new logo."
Moral of the story: NBC has been a screw-up for years; it's only become particularly noticeable in the network's awkward post-"Seinfeld"/"Friends"/"E.R"-era. And that sucks, because they've aired some of the best TV shows of all-time. That's why they're so easy to pick on: we tease because we love. Here are 12 reasons why NBC is in last place amongst the Big Four, with some helpful advice, too.
NBC would also like me to remind you to WATCH "SMASH," THE MONDAY AFTER THE SUPER BOWL, in case you haven't seen the ads for the show every three seconds for the last two months.
Here's a list that NBC totally owns: PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Of the 10 shows with the highest number of free ads in 2011, four of them were on NBC. The network should just cancel all of their Thursday night series, and replace them a three-hour block of the hot girl from the T-Mobile ad telling us about 4G speeds.
Dane Cook and Whitney Cummings might both have shows on NBC next season. Let that sink in. The network that has produced four of the greatest shows of the past 20 years — "Seinfeld," "Friday Night Lights," "Community," and "Freaks and Geeks" — is now asking Whitney Cummings and the guy who recently said that he "chainsaw-f*cked" a "disgusting whore’s c*nt" to save them.
“The Firm” doesn’t cost anything to make, but it’s a perfect example of why NBC has occasionally fallen behind Univision, ratings-wise: it’s a boring-looking drama about lawyers with no stars, based on a movie that came out 19 years ago, based on a book that came out 21 years ago. Its series premiere was watched by 46% fewer people than last season’s big midseason bust, “The Cape.” At least it’s already got the movie part covered.
Yes, “The Office,” the network’s only show in the Nielsen top-30 this season, is the obvious exception here, but let's not forget “Coupling,” “Free Agents,” “Kath & Kim,” “Prime Suspect,” and “Teachers.” Scratch that: FORGET ALL OF THOSE. Collectively, the five series ran for a total of 44 episodes, and none made it to a second season. Listen to your Green is Universal initiative, NBC, and go local.
STOP THE PRESSES. NBC has a hit with “Grimm” — by their low ratings standards, at least — even though they're doing their best to fu*k things up. First, "Grimm" was scheduled on Friday, a day where TV shows go to have a quiet death, proving NBC can't realize a good thing even when it's on their network. Then when the ratings started coming, the show took a month-long break. Then three more episodes aired, then another lengthy break, then two more, than another week off. Reschedule your otherwise woeful schedule to let a string of episodes of a show people actually want to watch air in a row. Otherwise, they're going back to the 'stache.
ABC had "Who Wants to Be Millionaire," the number-one show for the 1999-2000 season. CBS has "Survivor," which didn't finish out of the top-10 until season nine, and "The Amazing Race," the winner of eight Emmy Awards for Outstanding Reality Program. Fox has "American Idol," the highest-rated show for eight straight seasons. NBC has "Fear Factor," a show that people only talk about when they're discussing "donkey semen"; "The Biggest Loser," which has never finished higher than #30; and "The Apprentice," which hasn't been relevant since 2005. The Peacock finally found a hit last season with "The Voice," but it was a decade too late.
And "Emeril" and "quarterlife" and "Joey" and "The Paul Reiser Show" and "The Playboy Club" and so many more.
Who'd a-thunk "Father of the Pride" wasn't going to be a HUGE hit? Not this bespectacled, talking penis. Search "Zucker" on Urban Dictionary and here's what you get:
Synonymous with fu*ker because Jeff Zucker at NBC is the dumbest motherfu*ker in television.
a really dumb fu*kin move. Like somene sh*t themselves.
For a person or persons of authority to take away something which was rightfully earned by another party. From Jeff Zucker of NBC concerning late night television.
He is not liked.
In the early 2000s, after losing the rights to air MLB and NBA games, NBC was feeling experimental, and just like a couple who thinks they’ll be fine doing It without a condom just this once, only to drop out of school nine months later, they later regretted their decision. XFL, founded by WWF owner Vince McMahon, had some good ideas (trash-talking announcers, no PAT kicks, etc.), but suffered from a poor launch-date (right after the Super Bowl, when most fans need a break from football) and lack of high-profile names (hey, Tommy Maddox!). The XFL didn't work because of the same reason Arena Football, which NBC also aired from 2003-2006, never caught on nationally: THE NFL AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL ALREADY EXIST. Why bother with an inferior product when you can wait a few months for the good stuff to return?
The ratings weren’t great, but they were roughly on-par with other NBC shows, like “Whitney,” that weren't put on hiatus until an undetermined time. Plus, and Warming Glow is the perfect example of this, the fans of “Community” are, well, fanatical. There’s no other show, sitcom or drama, that has the same rabid fan base as “Community,” and NBC did more harm than good by yanking it off the schedule.
The only reason late-night TV still exists is because of routine. When you actually break an episode of “Letterman” or “Fallon” down, you realize it’s annoyingly formulaic (“This is in the news…”) and mostly just excuse for celebrities to hawk their goods for free; that’s why the Internet and viral videos specifically are the best thing to happen to the format...for us, at least. When NBC did the unthinkable and moved “Leno” to 10 p.m., changing the show's name to "The Jay Leno Show," they pissed off old “Leno” fans, who didn’t want their routine interrupted. And then, when the ratings plummeted, they moved Leno back to a later timeslot, bumping Conan to 12:05 a.m., which pissed off young “Conan” fans, who then took to the Internet and the streets to loudly protest.
Elsewhere, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert cackled maniacally.
And NBC had a public relations nightmare that they're still trying to smooth over.
A friend of mine, Oriana, wrote a blog post recently about what she would do if she ran NBC. My favorite part:
Accept that you’re basically a cable network.
The very type of shows you’re best known for, the shows we use to define your network, appeal to a demographic that no longer watches TV on Nielsen-approved devices. Advertisers are apparently as dumb as we’ve always thought, and are still content to use Nielsen numbers. What they don’t understand is how valuable it can be to know you’re reaching a very specific group of people. That’s what you have to do: Make advertisers understand the value of a smaller, far more focused audience.
This is, of course, no easy task, but if NBC can find a way to prove to advertisers that the millions of articles about "Parks and Recreation" online actually mean something, they could herald in a new era, an era in which the Nielsens don't matter. You'd be hailed as kings! They just need to think differently, like they did with "Friday Night Lights" airing on DirecTV. Ratings don't mean as much as they did even 10 years ago, and NBC could be the network that leads the march towards...whatever's next. It's a chance for them to be in first place again.
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… a three-hour block of the hot girl from the T-Mobile ad telling us about 4G speeds…
I would watch this because it sounds like she’s saying fourgy.
I always picture her walking through a fourgy wonderland.
You know its bad when a controversy related to one of your shows and donkey semen doesn’t even crack the top 12 reasons why you’re in last place.
Yes, the XFL was terrible…but we got this:
“Why is the name on your jersey He Hate Me?”
“Uh…cuz…see those guys over there on the other team? They all hate me.”
I think my wife is the only person I’ve ever met that watched “Kat and Kim”.
Your wife is not alone! Kath and Kim wasn’t great but any means but I thought it had some funny moments. It was definitely funnier than Whitney or Chelsea.
Grimm is a decent show……not great ….but way better than tons of other crap on “Broadcast”..
Um…My kids liked Knight Rider. And it had a couple episodes directed by the guy from Super Troopers. So there’s that
Apparently, the stupid decision to move 30 Rock to 8:00 has really hurt its ratings, too. If that doesn’t make NBC realize that Community was hampered by a crappy, super competitive time slot, I don’t know what would.
Also, if it hurts 30 Rock’s chance of renewal, I’m going to punch someone.
30 Rock is renewed through Season 7.
I know it’s totally impractical, considering it’s the network’s only success right now, but I’d like to see The Office at 8 p.m., followed by Up All Night at 8:30, Parks and Community at 9 and 9:30, 30 Rock at 10, and Friends repeat at 10:30.
PROBLEMS SOLVED.
I’d like to add Notre Dame football and Dick Ebersol to this list.
What?! You’re not looking forward to Notre Dame vs. Navy this year? Tradition, man, tradition!
This. A thousand times over, this.
>Seinfeld
>Great show
>greentext attempt off 4chan
I like how you started the list with product placement and then ended it with a solution that would only work if they could generate enough ad money through product placement.
I never said it had to happen through product placement; I just think they need to get creative with how they broadcast their shows. That doesn’t necessarily mean NEEDS MORE BURGER KING MENTIONS.
Although…
I didn’t say that you said it had to happen through product placement. You’re trying to move a broadcast network to whatever is next. Free programming over the interwebs. How can they make money with no commercials? Product placement.
It’s a wonderful restaurant!
What you’re forgetting is that the American Gladiators remake saved America from the terrorists.
To be fair to NBC, a lot of networks have made similar if not worse programming decisions over the past 20 years and still continue to flourish. There’s something deeper at work here. Frankly, what’s happening to Community is no different that what befell Arrested Development (FOX) — low-rated show with a rabid fanbase that can’t gain critical traction.
ABC is considered to be in the midst of a comedy renaissance but The Middle is average, Suburgatory is pretty good, and Happy Endings gets poor ratings. Modern Family is the only real hit, yet its considered vastly superior to NBC’s Thursday Night block of 30 Rock, P&R, The Office, and Up All Night, which, frankly, is easily better than what ABC brings to the table.
NBC deserves all this criticism and more. At the same, time, though, they’ve been about average in terms of decision making with their competitors.
Er, commercial traction
You do realize the ratings are bad because it doesn’t have enough crime shows like CSI or NCIS which is all idiots with Neilson boxes watch.
Do you realize that for years they had eleven different versions of Law & Order?
why not 12 pete?
NBC needs to bring back the WWE Saturday Night Main Event.
YES
I think what you’ve laid out in this article is more a problem with Broadcast tv in general, which struggles to exist in a world that just doesn’t need them anymore. If they want to truly survive, put it on line. I mean seriously, the whole network on line. Go dark on the air, sell off the affiliate contracts and then turn Hulu into NBC and remove the subscription fees. At first, it will seem crazy and everyone will scratch their head but within five years, they’ll dominate an industry that doesn’t technically exist yet.
NBC is the Shelly “The Machine” Levine of network television.
So if you read between the lines Zucker’d is a synonym for Britta’d?
I had that exact same thought. I’d bet it was intentional on Dan Harmon’s part.
They should just get someone to actually make the series “Ow, My Balls!”
I’d watch that over any turd featuring Whitney, Chelsea or, Dane.
Wow you people really like Community. That’s basically all I took from this.
The fuck you mean YOU people? We’re Communi-mericans, god dammit.
“The network that has produced four of the greatest shows of the past 20 years — “Seinfeld,” “Friday Night Lights,” “Community,” and “Freaks and Geeks”
If I had a dueling glove I’d slap you with it.
I trust you don’t agree with Community or all four?
So, if you guys need pictures of hookers or strippers, you email Burnsy and ask him for some of his personal collection?
He calls this one, “Three’s Company with Burnsy.”
We get it. Community is so fucking great. We get it. Jesus.
Until it’s back on the air, not enough can be said about Community. Maybe you don’t get it?
Another excellent article. I had almost forgotten all of those bad shows, namely Teachers. Only thing I disagreed with was that they only created four of the greatest shows. 30 Rock is damn great.
That being said, give me a paltry sum of money, a cast of decent comedic actors and a Tuesday slot of time…I’ll make you a hit show. *scratches blackboard*
I’m not 100% sure about this, but the problem with moving away from Nielsen ratings is that advertisers and products don’t get mentioned on pretty much every non-broadcast viewing/mention. Advertisers don’t care about blogs, websites, etc. talking about Community, unless those websites talk about the commercials and the products (which they pretty much don’t). They are purchasing time to air their product, not their support or how funny or great they think a show is. If nobody is watching the best show ever made, they don’t care. If they want to advertise on websites (such as this) because of the page hits, then that money doesn’t go to the broadcasting company.
I’d also like to throw in lengthy tape delayed Olympics coverage. Which I believe goes back to Zucker. I can’t believe they still try and show events that happened 10-12 hours prior and get shocked when low ratings come in. It’s almost like there’s some sort of new technology, where people can find out the winner in seconds, before the event is aired.
Community is NOT one of the best shows of the last 20 years!!! For fuck sake when are you bitches gunna grow a pair and stop whining because a show you liked got canned? We get you liked it, we get it was unfair but nobody thinks its as amazing as all that and we dont want to hear about it every day, especially when you’ve stopped trying to write balanced opinions or reasons its a good show and instead just randomly proclaim “its one of the best shows of the last 20 years!” with absolutely no grounds to justify it.
Dude, RABID FANBASE? You wanna talk RABID FAN BASE? I give you Trekkies and Whedonites. Anything else is bits to my kibble.
Community stands out and shows exactly whats wrong with NBC and how dumb the “high ups” are. They live in the past. They are surrounded by people who tell them “Remember when…”. The real fan base for shows are at the Cons. A place where people stand in line for 5 hours just to see 10 minutes of talking? THAT’S your fan base. Of course, it’s easy to dismiss the fans as nerds, but listen up geniuses. They’re the ones buying your NBC shirts and mugs. Not the same people who watched Friends 20 years ago. Those people moved on.
NBC has the superbowl this year so they automatically win the highest rating of the year possibly decade possibly millenium
The reason they are in last place is not only because they “Lean Forward” for the far left, they also “Bend Over” for the far left as they destroy our country.
Speaking of being hailed like kings, that was another show they completely blew: Kings.
They had an outstanding royal drama/religious interest/sci fi/dysfunctional family based on the biblical Book of Samuel set in pseduomodern times starring IAN MCSHANE with a smokin lead chick (I’ll defer to women on the attractiveness of the actor playing David) and this is how they promoted it:
[www.youtube.com]
Vague teasers and butterfly motifs. The other ads got worse. If I didn’t see an interview with McShane on the Daily Show, I would have had no idea the show existed.
They are closely associated with, and in conjunction with, one of the biggest media supporters, of the biggest disaster to enter the Oval Office. Why are they surprised they can’t get anything right, and no one wants to watch their shows?
No other show, sitcom or drama, that has the same rabid fanbase as Community?
My hyperbole alarm is going out of control right now
ROFL @ Reason #3
What really should be said is no other show, sitcom or drama has a more annoying fanbase than Community. A show that simply no one watches because it’s not as funny as they believe it is.
Further more, stop comparing Community to Arrested Development. That’s nothing but a slap in the face.
NBC Thursdays is the best, I don’t know what you’re talking about..
Ok, I read the article after commenting lol. Great analysis.
Decent article.
There does seem to be a excessive amount of blowback to what is a comparatively genteel chiding of NBC’s treatment of Community. People like Community. Deal with it.
I like Community but it’s not of the same calibre as Arrested Development, and to be honest it probably only had a season or two left in the tank before it ran out of places to go. Still, I would’ve liked to see what kind of cliche-lampooning monstrous triple episode finale it would sign off on.
Where C differs from AR is that it lives in an even more internet-friendly era, and most would agree a greater chunk of the viewing of Community occurs after the show initially airs. I think C fans feel particularly aggrieved because it feels like their show is being screwed more by the network’s inability to get with the times than by any perceived demerits the show has against it.