Archer (FX, 10 p.m. EST) – Matt Thompson co-created “Sealab 2021” and “Frisky Dingo” and has written episodes of “Space Ghost: Coast to Coast” and “Archer” (which he also produces), and tonight he’ll be joining the “Archer” live blog at Uproxx at 10 p.m. EST. (HE WROTE “SKYTANTIC.”) So now’s your chance to ask the questions you’ve always wanted to, like, “Do you know Aisha Tyler’s phone number and address?” and follow-up question, “Can I get Aisha Tyler’s phone number and address?”
30 Rock/Parks and Recreation/The Office/Up All Night (NBC, 8-10 p.m.) – In order: Liz and Jack feud over her contract; Leslie tries to assist Ann in finding a Valentine’s Day date; Jim returns to the office from jury duty; and Reagan puts Baby Amy up for adoption because she needs quick cash for her heroin addiction.
Unsupervised (FX, 10:30 p.m.) – J/K, that “Up All Night” description isn’t real; I was just seeing if you were paying attention, and I can’t think of anything to say about “Unsupervised.”
Delocated (Cartoon Network, midnight) – I only recently got into this show, and it’s fantastic. There are few things in life funnier than Jon Glaser discussing the Bone Zone while wearing a ski mask and using a voice modulator. It’s been scientifically proven.
Groundhog Day/Beer for My Horses (CMT, 11 p.m.) – If you really need to watch something between “Unsurpervised” and “Delocated,” you can check out the last 30 minutes of Groundhog’s Day and the first 30 minutes of Beer for My Horses. One’s about a rodent, the other stars a guy who shoots rodents.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Woody Harrelson, Stephen Merchant, and Lana Del Rey on Letterman; Drew Barrymore on Leno; Gary Oldman, Tim & Eric, and Korn on Kimmel (great lineup, or greatest lineup?); ‘ARRY POTTAH on Ferguson; Taylor Lautner, Adam Levine, Nas, and Drew Brees on Fallon; John Krasinski and Jenny Slate on Conan; David Agus on Stewart; and Christiane Amanpour on Colbert. Yes, THE Christiane Amanpour.
Here is a picture of a Jack Russell Terrier with a “[penis] on his back.” Don’t worry, it’s adorable.