Brick-Wielding Woman Breaks Into Simon Cowell’s House, Fails Her Assignment

"Good one, me."

The story that’s going around today about Simon Cowell is that:

A woman charged with breaking into the west London home of ["The X Factor" host] and wielding a broken brick was remanded in custody on Monday and will return to court on June 12. (Via)

I couldn’t care less about that. Who hasn’t wanted to break into Cowell’s home, and smash him in the face with brick? But what does interest me is this little tidbit, buried deep within the story:

Sources say the young woman wandered around unchallenged as he sat in the living room watching himself on ITV’s Jonathan Ross Show on Saturday night. (Via)

Of course Simon Cowell was watching Simon Cowell on TV as Simon Cowell’s house was being broken into by a crazed Simon Cowell fan. I bet Cowell speaks to himself like Bionic Barry. “How are we doing, Simon?” “We’re doing well. Thank you, Other Simon.” “Our house certainly isn’t being broken into. Right, Simon?” “It’s most assuredly not, Other Simon.” Simon Cowell’s life is the Droste effect, personified.