2 Broke Girls (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) – We often joke that Lori from “The Walking Dead” is the worst character on TV. This is a half-truth. She is terrible, but there’s someone worse: Peach from “2 Broke Girls,” an uptight socialite who named her kids Brad and Angelina. She’s in tonight’s episode, and you should only watch if you a) hate yourself and/or b) enjoy making double entendres having to do with peaches (“I’d like to brown her rot,” etc.).

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) – “Barney plans a road trip.” Watch out for unicorns.

The Pitch (AMC, 9 p.m.) – It’s ironic that the sneak previews, a.k.a. the ads, during last night’s “Mad Men” didn’t convince me to watch “The Pitch,” a show about advertising, right? Or is this an Alanis Morissette not-actual-irony situation? Either way: unless it’s got Megan Draper talking about beans, PASS.

Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9 p.m.) – Kathy Bates plays Charlie’s g-g-g-g-ghost. I would have expected better from the woman who played Squirrel Lady in Rat Race.

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel, 9 p.m.) – Anthony visits Lisbon, home of the “the centre of the republican coup of 5 October 1910 which established the democratic Portuguese Republic.” I definitely DIDN’T copy and paste that from Wikipedia due to my limited knowledge of Lisbon. Nope.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Don Rickles on Letterman; Steve Martin and Rashida Jones on Leno; Vanessa Williams and Andrew Bird on Kimmel; Jim Gaffigan on Ferguson; Chris Evans and Allison Williams on Fallon; Zach Wahls on Stewart; and Diane Keaton on Colbert

If you came of age during the early 90s, you’re no doubt familiar with “Blossom,” the NBC show that I think aired on Monday nights, and if I remember correctly, it aired during the same comedy block as “Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” Right? Anyway, Joey Lawrence — who played Blossom’s brother — was like the lab-created character that came from cross-pollinating Kelly Bundy and Keanu Reeves’ Ted Logan. He was dumb. He was good looking. And he said “Whoa” a lot.

After “Blossom” ended its run, Joey Lawrence would go on to star in another show with his two brothers called “Brotherly Love.” Most recently, he was in a show with another 90′s nostalgia icon, Melissa Joan Hart, called “Melissa and Joey.” I never saw the show. Last I heard of Lawrence, he was bald and a contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.” Despite the lack of hair, he was instantly recognizable.

But he regrew his hair (or bought some new hair), and apparently, he lost 4,000 pounds, presumably from a meth bender (if he’s sick or has cancer, I’m going to feel like absolute sh*t for posting this). Here’s a before and after of the Lawrence brothers.

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The charming lunatics at Next Media Animation in Taiwan are apparently branching out from covering news and current events, and I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in the least when I say that society as a whole will be better for it. Take for example this video, which is titled “‘Breaking Bad’ Season 5 Trailer [Official],” despite (a) not being official in any way, shape, or form, and (b) containing nothing but baseless animated speculation. To say that it takes some liberties with the basic plot of the show would be an understatement of epic proportions. Unless, of course, the two-part fifth season features glowing green meth turning people into zombies, and Walter White being killed by a Los Pollos Hermanos ATM that falls from the sky and crushes him like a bug even though he appears to be inside a conference room, in which case I will really feel quite silly for doubting them.

Oh, also, the first line of dialogue in the trailer is “Yeah, Mr. White. Yeah, SCIENCE!”, which is spoken while making it rain in a strip club, and that is about eight different kinds of fantastic. Never change, you goofballs.

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Before “Mad Men,” it’s safe to say that Jon Hamm wasn’t on anyone’s radar. He was best known as the boyfriend of director Jennifer Westfeldt, who only a smattering of people even knew at the time, thanks to her movie Kissing Jessica Stein (which Hamm was in, briefly). He’s been acting, however, since the mid-1990s, after relocating from Missouri, where he was an 8th grade acting teacher (one of his students was Ellie Kemper, from “The Office.”) He didn’t land a single role in his first three years of acting, and at one point, ended up taking a job as a set designer on a porn flick to help ends meet. But eventually, five years into his acting career, he landed a recurring role in “Providence,” which led to more roles which led to more, which led — in 2007 — to Don Draper.

Here’s a brief look back at five of his television roles, which does not include his first (pictured above), as “Gorgeous Guy at Bar” in an episode of “Ally McBeal.” Don’t forget to also check out Uproxx’s weekly “Mad Men” discussion thread.

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NOTE: I’ll open a SPOILER thread at the bottom of this post’s comments section. Please contain all “upcoming on GoT” talk to there. If you mention something that hasn’t happened on the show yet outside of said thread, you’ll be banned. The only way to be unbanned: giving me all your dragons. No dragons, no dice.

The (kind of) king is dead. I was surprised that last week’s episode didn’t end with Smoke Demon stabbing Renly like he was one of Robert’s bastards. I wish it had because some drive was lost by the killing time beginning “The Ghost of Harrenhal.” TV shows are built (and rely) on momentum, and Davos leading Melisandre to, and then watching her give birth in, that dank crypt was a great scene. Suspense was high, the mystery unknown. But having it a week later, after reading so many recaps (hi!) and throwing out so many theories and having to amp yourself up again, took away some of the importance of Renly’s murder.

That’s not to say watching a just-birthed demon kill a man, followed by Don’t-Call-Her Lady Brienne going absolutely ape sh*t on Renly’s soldiers, wasn’t good. It was, because “Game of Thrones,” in case you hadn’t heard, is a very, very good show. But, for the first time this season, I felt like: this could have been better. (Them’s the breaks when you have 28 different stories happening at once.) Or maybe I’m just pissed that Renly’s not around anymore. He had my vote. Elsewhere, Arya’s awesome, Tyrion’s planning something explosive (MUCH more on that later), and Dany should always wear pretty blue dresses.

• Seriously, Brienne went mental. She was also good with her sword.
• Meanwhile, Margaery continues to rock the ice cream cone dress look. I like it. (I also want to spell her name as Magary every time, and now I’m imagining a conversation between her and Sex Cannon. Make it happen, KSK.)
• Feels like this season is going to boil down to Lannisters and their Wildfire (courtesy of the Pyromancers) vs. Stannis’s forces. Was that a crappy pun? Perhaps. Will it be awesome, if true? YES. Also: never piss on Wildfire.
• Heh, “Demon Monkey.” A fitting nickname, considering that King’s Landing walking scene reminded me of Aladdin.
• Speaking of: for saving Jaqen H’ghar’s life, Arya is allowed three wishes, and by wishes, I mean she can instruct H’ghar to kill three people. The first victim: the Tickler. He won’t be tickling anyone where he’s going.
• Judging by Tumblr, females reacted to Gendry taking his shirt off the way males did Alison Brie’s sexy Santa dance.
• Theon, the captain of the aptly named Sea Bitch, has something big in mind for his former home, Winterfell.
• Dany’s scenes were some of my favorites. It’s nice having her out of the desert, and able to converse with people who aren’t Jorah and her handmaidens. Not that they aren’t interesting, but there wasn’t any conflict in the Red Waste, other than, “Will they get out alive?” The stuff in Qarth is much better,
• Doesn’t Duck Sauce (or Daxos, for you traditionalists) look like a fat Idris Elba?
• Pyat Pree shouldn’t be allowed within 100 feet of women and children.
• Cat gets little mention in these recaps, but she’s been amazing this season.
• Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings, Episode 5: #5. Cersei, #4. Osha, #3. Irri, #2. Margaery, #1. Daenerys

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“Man, you know who isn’t on TV enough these days? Whitney Cummings. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great to hear her chime in on relationships and young women trying to make it in the big city slash xenophobia, but you know what else I’d like to hear her brassy take on? EVERYTHING!” – Someone at E!, apparently.

E! is launching a new weekly talk show “Love You, Mean It with Whitney Cummings,” which is described as “a weekly medley of witty commentary featuring Whitney’s take on everything from the biggest pop culture and celebrity happenings, to life, relationships, sex, and more. Equipped with only a microphone and her laptop, [she'll be] joined by celebrity guests and comedian friends…” [EW]

The statement from E! goes on to say that the show will debut later this year and will air on Wednesdays at 10:30 after “The Soup,” which probably makes sense from stylistic perspective. I don’t know. I suppose I could do my whole spiel about how Whitney Cummings’ brand of humor isn’t exactly up my alley (although I do like her more as a stand-up than as a sitcom star/creator), but I feel like I’ve done that a million times, and, to be honest, I really don’t have it in me this morning. Instead, please accept this drawing I made of Guy Fieri playing checkers with a dolphin. Have a great day.

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In a strange scheduling announcement over the weekend, NBC has made the decision to air three episodes of “Community” on the last Thursday of the May sweeps period, May 17th. Other than the fact that it will wreak havoc on recappers and GIF curators the next morning, the decision sounds like it bodes well for the future of the show. NBC had originally planned to air a two-part season finale on May 24th — after May sweeps — but made the decision to move “Awake’s” season finale into the week after sweeps ends, instead. That should suggest that NBC has more confidence that “Community” will generate more ratings in the sweeps period, which one assumes bodes well for its renewal prospects.

Then again, word of the show’s cancellation or renewal will come by May 14th, so if it is canceled, that could mean even higher ratings for the series finale, which might be why they’re moving it into the sweeps period, to capitalize on the series send-off. The last two episode titles certainly suggest that Dan Harmon considers cancellation a possibility: “Introduction to Finality” and “Digital Estate Planning.”

Who the hell knows? In either case, it will mean one episode of “Community” in its regular time slot, 8 EST, plus the hour-long season/series finale at 9 EST (“30 Rock’s” season/series finale will be sandwiched in between, at 8:30). For the record, half-hour season/series finales of “Parks and Recreation” and “The Office” will air on May 10th. Meanwhile, that NBC moved the series finale of “Awake” after the sweeps period almost assures that it will be canceled.

Last week, Dustin introduced us to the “Dogs That Look Like Game of Thrones Characters” meme, and now, in the Internet’s attempt to compare everything to everything else (“12 Rocks That Look Like Members of Cheap Trick”), we have “Game of American Thrones.” What can we take from this? Well, whoever made it hates Hillary Clinton and George Bush. Also, the Dany-Sarah Palin match-up isn’t particularly flattering for the Mother of Dragons — Drogon always uses protection when he’s off doing It with a pool of lava or whatever dragons have sex with. Probably other dragons, I guess. But there are only two other dragons in the world, Rhaegal and Viserion, and they’re Drogon’s rarely-seen brother and sister (brother and brother?). Can dragons commit incest?

Man, this image is a real conversation starter. Recap soon. (Via)

Fringe (Fox, 9 p.m.) – I’m going to watch some day, I swear, but until then, you Fringles (or whatever you call yourselves) will have to discuss the show in the comments. Play nice with the “Supernatural” fans.

The Simpsons (Fox, 8 p.m.) – Robert Lopez, one-third of the team behind The Book of Mormon, wrote a song for Steve Coogan for this episode. That’s about as good as you’re going to get in season 23.

Bob’s Burgers (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) – In a perfect world, “Bob’s Burgers” gets canceled by Fox, picked up by NBC, and is scheduled on Thursdays, where it replaces “The Office,” which, in turn, gets canceled by NBC, picked up by Fox, and is scheduled between other shows long since past their prime in “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy.” Seems feasible.

The Good Wife (CBS, 9 p.m.) – Season finale. By naming your episode “Dream Team,” “Good Wife,” you do realize that means Christian Laettner has to appear onscreen for at least five minutes, right? He’s been waiting by the phone for weeks now.

Game of Thrones (HBO, 9 p.m.) – Do NOT read the plot description on Zap 2 It. It’s rather spoiler-y. But this is going to be a fun one to talk about on Monday.

Mad Men (AMC, 10 p.m.) – It’s called “At the Codfish Ball,” referring to a song sung by Shirley Temple and Buddy Ebsen in the 1936 movie, Captain January. You know what else happened in 1936? Albert Fish was executed. I think I solved “Mad Men”: Don’s a cannibal.

Veep (HBO, 10 p.m.) – It’s already clear that “Veep” is the only show on TV that can make “filibuster reform” sound interesting.

Girls (HBO, 10:30 p.m.) – Sigh, I’m so glad we’re done talking about “Girls”

/sees link for “Sh*t Girls Say About the Show Girls”

//gouges out eyes with high heels