If "Game of Thrones" changed its name to “Game of Penis,” would anyone notice? It’s that manipulative male organ that drove most of the plots in last night’s episode, from Arya pretending to have one to blend in with a crew of outlaws, to Stannis sticking his in a witchy woman to solidify his power, to a pirate agreeing to help Davos as long as he “gets” Queen Cersei when the Lannisters fall, to Littlefinger and his double peephole voyeurism, to…I’m not going to talk about Theon and sister Yara yet because EWWWWWW. Anyway, the cast grew even larger in “The Night Lands” (the Iron Islands are just as charming as their name), and a small part of me is terrified that the show’s going to collapse like a horse in the Red Waste under the weight of approximately 684 different stories. But the other, louder part is confident that D.B. Weiss and David Benioff, not to mention George R.R. Martin and the ever-impressive cast, are talented enough that I have nothing to worry about.
- I think one of the reasons why everyone loves Arya is because she's the most relatable character. If I were suddenly placed in the show, I'd act exactly like her: brave on the outside, terrified on the inside, and always carrying a sword called Needle.
- Which spin-off would be better: Tyrion and Varys in "Peeping Eunuch," or "The Littlest Sellsword," starring Tyrion and Bronn? I'd watch them both.
- But seriously, Littlefinger and Varys are so catty to one another, and Tyrion OWNS King's Landing. Brilliant move putting Bronn in charge of the City Watch and shipping Janos Slynt to the Wall.
- Grumpkin?
- I want to cuddle with a direwolf more than anything else in the world.
- Sam is SO much better in the show than he is in the books.
- There were a lot of dead bunnies for an episode that aired on Easter.
- Joffrey Slaps: 0. If anything, he metaphorically slapped his mom with the baby slaughtering.
- The Daenerys stuff continues to be less interesting than everything else. They're literally just waiting around, and when they're not waiting, they're walking toward nothing. In other words, NEEDS. MORE. DRAGONS. (again)
- This isn’t a spoiler, but in the books, Yara is named Asha. Anyone know why the change?
- The only black man on the show is a crook who wants to have sex with the white queen. DAS RAYCESS?
- Stannis's table can't be comfortable to have sex on.
- Note to babies everywhere: do NOT agree to appear on "Game of Thrones."
- Attractive Women of “Game of Thrones” Power Rankings, Episode 2: #5. Theon's salt wife, #4. Yara, #3. Cersei, #2. Daenerys, #1. Melisandre.
Again: no spoilers. Now let's talk about how awesome Arya is and look at some GIFs.
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They changed Asha to Yara so as not to confuse fans with Osha the wildling
But Yara is so close to Arya.
I know, it’s literally an anagram. I really don’t know why they changed it, if non-book readers have stuck with the show this long I think they can tell the difference between Asha and Osha
In text: Yes. Out loud: Not really
…sounds like a blogging problem
I just think it’s silly, because Asha and Osha have like NOTHING to do with each other.
My first thought was “Maybe because people might confuse Asha and Arya?”, then I realized they’d be swapping it for confusing Yara with Arya, which is kind of worse. So your explanation sounds correct.
This is correct. However I don’t think they have even said Osha’s name out loud on the show at all yet.
It’s because British people pronounce Asha as Osha. They’d have to call Osha “Oh-sha” to differentiate it.
Sorry Im late, those vodka soaked gummie bears we ate whilst watching were… effective.
Asha/Yara was the only major disappointment I’ve had yet with this excellent adaptation. She was suuuuch a prick-teasing badass in the book that the contrast with her dull-eyed tv counterpart really stood out. In the book she was way more aggressive in screwing with Theon’s head, till basically he was starting to fall for what he thought was the girl-version of his own cocky douchebag self and that made the payoff of his humiliation so much bigger. So her just letting him creep on her without slapping him away just made it gross and awkward during the reveal.
And also, where the hell was the finger-dance? The one with the axes not the incest…
The beauty of the show is that once the show starts to cave in on itself, they’ll just kill a few characters off.
I think they should just do away with all the brothel scenes. I mean I understand the reason for it (boobs and myrkens) but it’s taking away from the story as a whole. I mean isn’t Ros the whore mentioned like once in the books? So why the eff is she getting more screen time than Sansa?
I don’t get why they love Ros so much. I liked the ladies in the book better, and they were still only minor characters.
The exposition whore!
Man, I hate Ros but understand the need of an Exposition Whore (and that it doesn’t make sense to pay several whore actresses to say lines when you can pay one of them.) But when she does anything BUT provide exposition, I get pissed off. Did I really need a five minute scene of her and Carcetti? When I could have been watching Tyrion, or Arya, or Jon, or anybody else cool? What was the point of that except to let us know that Littlefinger is an asshole? We already know that Littlefinger is an asshole.
I second everyone else’s dislike for Ros and the excessive brothel scenes. The show deserves better than pandering sex, and so does the audience. It gets in the way of the story. The only scene in the brothel even close to necessary from these first two episodes is the one wherein the baby is stabbed.
Ros wasn’t in the books at all. She was a character invented by the writers.
14 of 14 is a little weak… was there supposed to be a 2nd gif?
Was and is. Look again.
There should be a second GIF on that page of Arya responding. It appears on my screen.
It was pretty neat they got Sam Elliot to play the gruff Iron Islander.
Yeah, I’d like to think that I’d be all Arya badass, but I’d probably be Sansa useless. Which is why I find her so sympathetic, I’m sure.
I have a feeling I’d be Micah, the Butcher’s Boy. …in girl form.
I always thought I’d be Asha but hate the casting with all my heart and have now decided I’m Bronn. In my head. I’ve said too much haven’t I? Good day.
Poor brothel-goer should’ve paid the Iron Price for that snowball.
I’m so glad I made the decision to marathon all of season one last week and get into this show. It’s amazing and allows me to continue the weird love I always had for Tommy Carcetti.
Man, the exchange between Gendry and Arya didn’t include perhaps the funniest part of it in the books: when Gendry tells Arya to get her cock out, she gets all defiant and tells him to get his out instead and he says he can because he actually has one.
Maybe it says a lot about me that I found that really funny, but I was sad it wasn’t in the show.
Also: No, not Rakharo! He was learning the Common Tongue and everything. Super bummer. I mean shit, I was referring to the other Bloodriders as Not Rakharo 1 and Not Rakharo 2 so I was sure it was one of them.
That was one of my complaints about the adaptation of Lord of the Rings; my favorite conversation (when the crew arrived at Isengard to discover Merry and Pippin hanging out, smoking weed, and munching away) was rewritten for no discernible reason.
Rumor is Rakharo was killed off because the actor got a part in World War Z. Sucks.
Was I the only one that didn’t like the Melisandre sex scene at the end? I feel like Stannis having sex with her goes against the entire core being of his character being rigid and having an unwavering need to follow social and political norms.
It’s been awhile since I’ve read CoK, but I think it’s presented that way to show that even though Stannis is the completely rigid and moral character, his only temptation is the Lord of Light
I agree. It was always hinted at but never actually happened. Stannis has been a big disappointment. Stannis is a stern man with one word answers and very little in the realm of feelings. Also they don’t really get into the whole Davos-Stannis relationship especially since Stannis cleared the room a few times to confer with Davos.
Its been a while since reading CoK for me too, and I thought Stannis was reluctant with all that Lord of Light jazz. I don’t remember it explicitly saying Stannis and girl boned, but it was alluded to.
I think the show put the scene in the streamline Stannis’ character development to show that he is all in with Melisandre. And because, you know, boobs.
I think it’s also that he believes the throne is his by rights and can’t believe that not only was it not handed to him, but that he’s going to have to fight for it. He is cutting corners in terms of his moral rigidity in order to get what he believes he is owed because he knows he can’t win otherwise.
Plus his wife is an uggo with a moustache in the books.
Hey, no spoilers!
@One More Round
I deleted one of your comments because it was a spoiler. Don’t do it again.
I think “rigid” was the reason. No, but really she appealed to his desires for an heir; also she is highly motivated to insure her place in the future.
They all but came right out and said “Stannis is boning Melisandre” in A Clash of Kings. Dude was always spending late nights with her alone in various places. So they’re sticking with the plot.
As shown in the last episode, this is a woman with actual magical abilities. Perhaps the power of seduction is one?
Unless he thinks he’s “honoring his God.”
Also, Stannis is a bit of a moron and seems very easily led.
More important: where is Patchface and his daughter?
Looks like Patchface and the daughter have gone and something tells me that we won’t get to see Mrs. Stannis if at all. Whether or not Stannis did it with Melissandre in the books is one thing, the fact that he might have enjoyed ANYTHING in his entire life is another. Yeah, she’s hot but you’re Stannis; it should have been stone cold boning with an angry face the entire time and constant complaints.
Spoiler alert: I can’t remember which book, but Stannis actually says “Melisandre: WOULD BANG!” so guys, that proves it.
Melisandre makes it abundantly clear in ASoS what the nature of her relationship is with Stannis.
I’d argue that showing him taking her so early in the season has the opposite effect of showing that R’Hollor is his only temptation. Since we’ve seen so little of Stannis at this point we’ve got nothing to contrast that behavior with. Now he just looks like all the other dudes in the series (HBO version) that spend half their screen time fucking something.
I don’t think this is a spoiler, but there is a very specific reason that Stannis and Melisandre did the nasty and it should be apparent in the next episode or two. Though it was inferred in the book I suspect with the pacing of the tv show the writers have to be a little more blunt.
I still liked that better than Asha/Yara seeming to enjoy Theon’s finger dance instead of slapping him away.
Creeeeepy.
A man was perfectly cast as Jaquen H’gar
Melissandre is so hot
Sam and gilly were so cute
Arya and Gendry were so cute
I’d like to see a spinoff of Bronn and Yoren, travelling around westeros, solving mysteries and being bad-asses.
Just give Dinkelage the golden globe and emmy already.
Yeah, Yoren is one of the best badasses around.
I love the Arya/Gendy relationship in the books. I think the show will do it justice!
I hope Arya and Gendry get married.
Is it just me, or is Gendry of this season a different actor than the last?
Same just more eye liner. Between Jon Snow and Gendry we could have a eyeliner off. I think Jon has the edge so far.
It’s not just you; I’d thought the same thing during the first episode (though we’re both mistaken; it’s actually the same actor).
I think he just looks different without his Village People outfit and slightly longer hair.
He looks a great deal different as does Yoren.
Alas, poor Yoren… I knew him well.
Great episode- don’t remember Bronn being made captain like that in the book but the scene was one of my favorites. Other things that were great:
-Iron islands, exactly, if not better than I imagined them when reading the books. So well done.
-the casting continues to be perfectly done
Bronn gets made captain eventually, but it happens in ASoS. I’m glad they bumped it up to this season because fuck Janos Slynt
Indeed. Fuck Janos Slynt. Though that whole scene was more boss in the book.
Bronn gets made captain eventually, but it happens in ASoS.
That’s not the biggest spoiler in the world, but come on, people.
@ Otto — it’s also not true…
Is it a spoiler if you deny a spoiler that may or may have not been a spoiler?
A little note: Bronn never was made captain in the books. An officer, but never the captain. But yeh, with so many new characters this season, I agree with the writers’ exclusion of Ser Jacelyn Bywater. Unnecessary.
Once again blowing it on the hot chick list. Two weeks in a row and Irri – [www.imdb.com] is nowhere to be found. Also, Gilly – [www.imdb.com]
Asha and the Salt Wife are gross, even if, ya know, boobs.
You’re right about Irri. Don’t know why I keep forgetting her. As for Gilly: I think of her as Cassie from Skins, and that makes me feel weird. Not good weird, either.
Agree on Irri. That chick is gorg.
Plus she’s a master in the art of sexy time, AND her brother just died. Might as well be a bullseye.
Anyone else think Balon is perfect? I mean grizzled and kind of a dick. The hair is awesome in a Woody Harrelson Kingpin sort of way.
oh was amazing the whole pay the iron price speech was perfect
It seems to me that in the books Theon is supposed to be a playboy type character, but I dunno, the casting just seems a tad off to me. Also, finger-banging that FUPA is nasty bra. I’d rather one of Lord Frey’s daughters than Asha.
Eh, I think Theon is supposed to *think* he’s a playboy, but is actually a greasy dick. I mean, if he’s such a stud, why was he paying for it in Winterfell? So the casting seems pretty spot-on in that regard.
Yea he definitely thinks he’s more than he really is in the books. There’s a stark contrast between the way he views himself and the way everyone actually treats him.
#11 is just scraming “DERP!”
* screaming
Bronn has so much swag,
Tyrion: “If I told you to murder an infant girl, say, at her mother’s breast, would you do it without question?”
Bronn: “Without question? No. I’d ask how much.”
**also on Game of Penis, Yoren threatens to cut one off the Gold Cloak guards, like a boss
Actually he was pointing at the femoral artery, which if nicked can shoot blood about 6 feet in distance. But yeah, the dick thing is scary too
/fun facts about medicine!
If you were one of GRRM’s sisters, would you feel the need to shower with a Brillo pad constantly? discuss.
Never thought of that- but yeah, I think if he has sisters they would pretty much be taking crying game showers on a nightly basis. That sea captain hat he wears in the hbo interviews isn’t really helping his cause either.
He has 2 sisters I think.
I’d feel the need to shower regularly after any amount of regular interaction with GRRM. Especially if he wears that cap.
Just for clarification. When Littlefinger wiped that whore’s mouth, that was jizz right?
Only the finest.
Not only that, but it was his jizz, and then she snowballed that poor customer. Reason #3 to never kiss a whore on the mouth.
Nymeria has got to get back to Arya soon I hope.
Of all the hate-filled sh*t people have done to one another, I think Cersei’s “first joke” insult to Tyrion may be the meanest. COLD.
Also, the Daenerys storyline needs to get a move on, like now, before she becomes the new Betty Draper.
Yeah, Dany went from most awesome to sort of the suck.
There’s something potentially awesome in Dany’s story soon, and I hope they can do it justice.
Good to know, PB.
Oh, I’m sure it’ll be in the show. It f-in better be…
Does she grow wings? She grows wings, right? Like, dragon wings? Don’t tell me. Ok tell me. No, wait. Aaaah Dammit!
Dany’s story in general seems to be lots of waiting, punctuated by moments of awesomeness. As an individual character, though, she’s one of my favorites.
PB is right. If they continue to follow the books closely, Dany’s story will be less exciting than it was last year over the course of the entire season. But there is one moment of awesomeness that makes it all worth it. I really hope they do it right.
You guys are talking about wearing dresses “in the Qartheen fashion,” right?
I am very much looking forward to Dany rocking that Qartheen fashion… very much.
Daeny’s story feels a lot like that in the books. I don’t cringe when I see Daenerys the way I cringe when I see Sansa heading the chapter because I know there will be a significant turn, but it’s surrounded by pages and pages that might as well just say
Then they sat around for a while. It was hot.
“I have to do this,” Daenerys said.
“You shouldn’t,” Ser Jorah replied.
“But I have to do,” she said.
“Okay,” Ser Jorah said.
I thought that scene between Tyrion and Cersei was incredible. I think his part in the the death of his mother is the only thing that actually hurts Tyrion, and Cersei knows it. All other insults he kind of laughs off and ignores, but this one stings.
That, and anything about Tysha.
Last night’s episode was good, but I feel like they missed the best scene in the book between Tyrion and Cersei. The pace of the series so far is lightning fast, which is good, because the book is most badass at the end.
Which scene?
The scene where Tyrion and Cersai discuss Robert’s bastards. In the book it’s Cersei who has them killed to cover up her relationship with Jaime. Tyrion figures this out and she slaps him a bunch of times.
Ya I’m also a little disappointed they didn’t include that moment. But still, their scene was very good.
sva7, come on dude. No talking about characters who may / may not be alive in future books.
I was disappointed that the slaps weren’t included. Insignificant as they seem at the time, they lead Tyrion to make a big decision and a big choice later. But Cersei’s line was pretty harsh and the reaction shot by Peter Dinklage demonstrate his award winning capabilities.
A great episode, especially when you consider how much ground it covered in the books. My biggest gripe: aside from the stupidity of the Asha/Yara name change, I thought Asha/Yara would be much hotter. Nothing against Gemma Whelan, but given how awesome the character is in the books, I always pictured Asha/Yara looking more like Kate Beckinsale in the Underworld series. Yet another time reality is no match for my fantasies =(
Also, for anyone that’s read the books and is a fan of the show (or anyone who hasn’t read the books but has no fear of spoilers), the weekly episode write-ups on westeros.org should be required reading: [www.westeros.org]
agreed. Asha is the antithesis of hot on screen.
Welp, I think this is turning into more of a book club than a show discussion. Come on folks watch the spoilers.
READ A BOOK
I really enjoyed that episode. I liked the decision to elevate Bronn to Commander of the City watch. In the books, Tyrion gives the position to a minor character after he ships that douche Janos Slynt off to the wall. I love Bronn, so making this change rather than introducing another minor character is a good choice in my mind.
I also loved the iron islands scenes. They looked exactly the way I would have imagined. The guy playing Balon Greyjoy nailed it, and they did an excellent job at showing how Theon (who was insecure to begin with) was made to feel like an outcast by his own family upon his return. You can really see how Theon is going to feel like he has something to prove.
I’m still not totally sold on the actor and actress playing Stannis and Melisandre. For whatever reason those two haven’t quite clicked with me yet. Still, bewbs are good, and Melisandre gave us those last night.
I like Melisandre (even though the testosterone-addled teenage youth inside me thinks she should have been played by Jamie Edmondson). The Stannis casting still seems odd to me — I just thought he would be a bigger, grittier dude with a much more acerbic personality. If the rumors of Gerard Butler as Stannis had been true, I think he at least would have looked the part much better.
I saw this episode on webrip a week early because I’m dumb. Does anyone know if they’re going to release Episode 3 early, or did I just shoot myself in the foot?
If you’re counting on another Dutch HBO-GO rip (like I was D:), then no. HBO has come out and said the week early release last week was a one time thing
Bastards.
THE NEXT PERSON TO SPOIL SOMETHING FROM THE BOOKS IS BANNED.
Thanks.
I understand the desire to compare the books and the show, but this ain’t the place.
Sam is SO much better in the show than he is in the books.
Did you just hate him in the books? Because he’s barely been in the show at all. I’m not sure how you could have much of an opinion on him just based on the show so far.
I think he’s been a pretty significant character for a while now. He hasn’t done a whole lot, himself, but he’s been a very important supporter of Jon, and has had a pretty good amount of screentime…
I think it’s down to delivery and the added lines. The way Bradley is playing him, he’s still pathetic, but he seems to have more of a sense of humor about himself and his situation than he does in the books. Though that could also just be down to how I read the stuff with him.
Agreed Leigh,
Really like the humor the actor brings to the character. Kind of makes you want to cheer for him. I enjoy the Jon/Samwell interaction on screen.
Was Craster offering his sons to the White Walkers? We need to see more of them seeing how they’re supposed to be the greatest threat to the realm. Loved how Tyrion was the only one who took the letter from the Wall seriously. How come Varys is unaware of them?
An opportunity for more Bronn could be good and a man cannot wait for more Jaqen H’ghar.
Like others I was disappointed with the plain actress playing Asha/Yara. Her confidence is going to have to reaaly shine through to capture some of that character’s appeal.
The actress playing the captain’s daughter deserves an award for bravery. That was a thankless role.
Varys is not the type to argue the unpopular argument in that room when it doesn’t matter to his goals.
Also, Varys already mentioned the King-Beyond-The-Wall in that scene. Also I think Varys only trusts what he’s had confirmed by his spies, and even then he is still skeptical.
That was definitely a White Walker taking the baby. It had the dark skin/flattened face/glowing blue eyes from the first episode.
Fingers crossed for a spinoff where a group of White Walkers are raising a baby. Hijinks ensue, obviously.
A woman from the Iron Islands would seem to necessarily be rough around the edges and I daresay a bit mannish. She can’t look like Kate Upton and be believable. I thought they captured the right amount of grit with a very faint hint of sensuality underneath.
Who the hell lets their brother click the mousepad anyway??
Agreed about the Yara actor. She’s supposed to be a rugged badass sea cap’n, not some comely Lady to be married off to a prince.
I’m naming my first doom metal song “Finger Banging Your Sister While Riding a Horse”
I thought that was pretty funny; more immediate satisfaction than Stars War “I almost banged my sister” routine.
Hey Josh, have you ever thought about adding a book-readers only thread? AV Club does it.
Oh, and I hated the Littlefinger-Ros scene. Didn’t add anything to Littlefinger’s character (you already knew he was like that). I’d rather they spent the time on the Theon-Yara scene, which was much longer in the book and pretty entertaining.
I don’t know about you all, but I would almost immediately notice if they changed the name of the show to “Game of Penis”
How would you really not notice that? You call yourself a critic? How can I trust your observations and judgement if you wouldn’t even notice the title changed to “Game of Penis”???
I haven’t read the books so maybe my opinion doesn’t matter, but I felt that the Asha character matched very well with a woman who could rule over a bunch of men, whether they were on her ship or in her bed.
In some ways it does. But in other ways, the comparison falls short a bit. Maybe the actress/writers will make up for it in subsequent episodes, but in the book, Asha has notably more swag.