Kim Kardashian Wants to Be the Mayor of Glendale

Back in Ancient Rome, there was an emperor named Nero. He was the child of an incredibly ambitious woman named Agripinna, and the nephew of Caligula, one of the most notorious rulers in all of antiquity. Nero was no slouch himself, though. After his mother orchestrated his rise to power — through a process involving marrying famous, powerful men, and using her influence to pull strings and make backroom deals — Nero became emperor at age 17, and began tearing apart the empire through terror and excess. He threw lavish parties for no other reason than to honor himself, tortured and killed anyone he perceived as a threat (and, sometimes, just because), and was completely irresponsible with the economy and military. He is also suspected to have been responsible for the Great Fire of Rome, which saw a huge chunk of the city destroyed by a blaze. As the story goes, while Rome was turning to ash, Nero sat back and played the lyre, unconcerned with the fate of his subjects. After the fire was extinguished, he laid claim to the vast majority of the scorched Roman real estate, and used it to build a new gigantic, opulent palace, complete with a 100 foot tall bronze statue of himself. These and other tyrannical actions unsurprisingly led to a revolt, and Nero ended up taking his own life as his guards were on their way to assassinate him.

I mention all this because Kim Kardashian — herself the child of an ambitious mother, and someone who is wildly unqualified to hold a position of authority — apparently wants to become the mayor of Glendale. Now, I’m not saying Kim Kardashian is going to murder hundreds of people and burn large swaths of California to the ground if elected, but, you know, it is something to think about, people of Glendale.