Tomorrow is the triumphant return of “Parks and Recreation,” which has been off the air since March 8. (The last time it was on the same night as “Community”: back in December.) It’s been a great season, but one thing’s been missing: Mouse Rat, former Punch Face Champion, former Andy and the D-Bags, former Puppy Pendulum, former Penis Pendulum, former Nothing Rhymes with Blorange, former...this could go on for awhile.
So much time has been spent on Leslie’s campaign in season four that there hasn’t been an opportunity for Andy Dwyer to top his ballad-for-the-ages, “5,000 Candles,” dedicated to Lil’ Sebastian, Pawnee’s most famous dead miniature horse. It’s a song so good, it’ll make you piss tears from your eyes – and in a TOTAL coincidence, it also appears on our list of the 20 Greatest Original TV Songs Ever.
Some notes: theme songs don’t count; neither do covers (parodies are fine, though). I also discounted songs performed by bands that exist outside the confines of the TV series, like Tenacious D or Polaris (with one exception). Other than that, everything else is fair game. R.I.P. Lil’ S.
Episode: "The Rock"
Song Title: "Mulatto Butts"
Best Lyric: "MULATTO BUTTS"
Had to.
Episode: "My Musical"
Song Title: "Guy Love"
Best Lyric: "I feel exactly those feelings too/And that's why I keep them inside/'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain/And sometimes it's easier to hide"
Episode: "Origins"
Song Title: "Bub-Bubs"
Best Lyric: "Gonna make your bub-bubs bounce/Right now"
Episode: N/A
Song Title: "Kill the White People"
Best Lyric: "Kill the white people, yeah, but buy my record first"
Episode: "Once More, with Feeling"
Song Title: "I'll Never Tell"
Best Lyric: "I’ve read this tale/There's wedding, then betrayal/I know there'll come the day/I'll want to run and hide"
Episode: "Dogpound"
Song Title: "Happy Song"
Best Lyric: "My d*ck is bigger than a monkey's paw!"
Episode: “Slap Bet”
Song Title: “Let’s Go to the Mall”
Best Lyric: “…and don’t forget the robot!”
Episode: "The Final Sacrifice"
Song Title: "Canada Song"
Best Lyric: "You lousy, stinking, Francophonic, bacon-loving bastards/Your country's just a giant piece of sh—"
Episode: "The Susie"
Song Title: “George’s Answering Machine”
Best Lyric: “I must be out or I’d pick up my phone/Where could I be?”
Episode: “Dee Dates a Retarded Person”
Song Title: “Night Man”
Best Lyric: “It's just two men sharing the night/It might seem wrong, but it's just right/It's just two men sharing each other/It's just two men like loving brothers”
Episode: "The Belchies"
Song Title: "Taffy Butt"
Best Lyric: "Give me some taffy butt"
Episode: "Peace"
Song Title: "Throw the Jew Down the Well"
Best Lyric: "If you see the Jew coming/You must be careful of his teeth/You must grab him by his money/And I tell you what to do"
Episode: "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings"
Song Title: "Leela: Orphan of the Stars"
Best Lyric: "I can't believe the Devil is so unforgiving/I can't believe everybody is just ad-libbing."
Episode: "All About Mormons"
Song Title: "Joseph Smith Song"
Best Lyric: "Joseph Smith was called a prophet/Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb/He started the Mormon religion/Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb"
Episode: "Season 3, Episode 1"
Song Title: "I Wrote This Song in '94"
Best Lyric: "Look around the club, see everyone in the place/Showing 'Pac love, got a smile on my face/The girl in the miniskirt has bad taste, because her shirt don't match/And there's a puddin' stain on the back/What the f*ck is that?/It might be doo-doo"
Episode: “Li'l Sebastian”
Song Title: “5,000 Candles”
Best Lyric: “And though we all miss you every day/We know you’re up there eating Heaven’s hay/And here’s the part that hurts the most/Humans cannot ride a ghost”
Episode: "Righteous Brothers"
Song Title: "It Ain't Easy Being White (It Ain't Easy Being Brown)"
Best Lyric: "All this pressure to be bright/I got children running all over town"
Episode: "Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers"
Song Title: "Lady L"
Best Lyric: "Is your green Army jacket keeping you warm at night?"
I couldn't chose just one, so...here's five:
Episode: "Bart After Dark"
Song Title: "We Put the Spring in Springfield"
Best Lyric: "Our only major quarrel's with your total lack of morals/Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad/They seem to entertain your dad"
Episode: "Radio Bart"
Song Title: "We're Sending Our Love Down the Well"
Best Lyric: "Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing/We go on TV/And sing, sing, sing"
Episode: "Marge vs. the Monorail"
Song Title: "Monorail"
Best Lyric: "The ring came off my pudding can/Take my pen knife, my good man"
Episode: "The Day Violence Died"
Song Title: "I'm an Amendment"
Best Lyric: "There's a lot of flag-burners who have got too much freedom/I want to make it legal for policemen to beat 'em"
Episode: "You're Checkin' In"
Song Title: "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"
Best Lyric: "I should put you away where you can't kill or maim us/But this is LA and you're rich and famous"
Episode: "Training"
Song Title: "Free Love Freeway"
Best Lyric: "Free love on the free love freeway/The love is free and the freeway's long/I got some hot love on the hot-love highway/I ain't going home cos' my baby's gone"
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Mulatto Butts is my ringtone on my cellphone.
It gives me great incentive to forget about setting my phone to vibrate when I’m in public
You’re not the only one. It’s also my alarm tone so I generally wake up feeling ready to take on the day.
The best lyrics in “Mulatto Butts” are clearly “Black Ass Mama, White Ass Daddy.”
Sorry, but I’ll take Sex Hair over 5,000 Candles any day of the week.
On a somewhat related note, has anyone ever really listened to the “Community” theme song? Damn, those are some dark lyrics.
No Hot Sundae or Zack Attack is a shame, but I approve of this list and have listened to “Free Love Freeway” a few times in a row now adding my own “she’s deeeeeead.”
Does David’s “Come On Be My Baby Tonight” from The Real World New Orleans count because that is a classic and the best ringtone I ever had.
Yeah the omission of “Friends Forever” leads me to believe that Danger had no input on this list.
So many MST3K songs to choose from, but I’ve got to go with the Gamera theme song they did.
Gamera is really neat / Gamera is filled with meat / We’ve been eating Gamera!
Shell / Teeth / Eyes / Flames
Claws / Breath/ Scales / Fun!
Here’s a good one.
The MST3K choice took me the longest of any entry on the list, but “The Final Sacrifice” is my favorite episode, so: ROWSDOWER!
I would have gone with “(Sing the Praises of) Pants” or “The Sandy Frank Song.”
The best MST3K is Prince Of Space. Again, as I have reiterated on many occassions, your weapons are useless against me.
No one suggested “Fugitive Alien Song (He Tried to Kill Me with a Forklift)”…cmon guys.
[www.youtube.com]
I was not YT’ing MST3K songs.
[www.youtube.com]
I’m just glad to see MST included, although The Janitor Song and Merry Christmas (If That’s OK) would have been great choices, too.
What, no Patrick Swayze Christmas?
[www.youtube.com]
It’s almost disturbing how accurately that Robin Sparkles video captures the (terrible) spirit of the late 80′s/early 90′s.
No Werewolf Bar Mitzvah? I’m tired of this anti-lupine agenda.
Now we know why they like to write so much about Mel Gibson.
Going to date myself here, but I’m going with “the kelly song” from Cheers that Woody sings.
[www.yourememberthat.com]
I’ve got your osteoporosed back on this one, UU.
I’ll get our of my Hoverround to second that.
I do remember that, You Remember That.
And yeah, that song’s great.
Guy Love ftmfw!…or Night Man ooooh ahhhhhh…into Day Man ohhhhh ahhhhh!!
All that Jizz from Frisky Dingo has some fine lyrics
[www.youtube.com]
Cat Party isn’t bad neither
YES!!
5 Simpsons songs and none of them are Stop This Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off? Incorrect.
Dr Zaius! Dr Zaius!
Substitute “See My Vest” and you have my feelings exactly.
WHO NEEDS THE FUCKING KWIK-E-MART, BITCHES?
Should have just cheated and included every song in “All Singing, All Dancing” the musical clip-show episode!
Fun fact: I watched the entirety of Paint Your Wagon when I was younger just to see Lee Marvin sing… I WAS DUPED!
Perfect #1 choice. Good List.
I’m assuming that flight of the conchords is disqualified for the same reason the D is? I may be pandering here, but I think I would include Alison Brie’s santa song on here, if only for the excuse to play the video. Boop oop de doop, sex!
Isn’t the official title of “Throw the Jew Down the Well” actually “In My Country There Is a Problem”?
The Internet’s Bible, Wikipedia, says it can go by either, which is good enough for me. And if that’s wrong: THE JEWS DID IT.
Missed plenty of great songs from Mr. Show such as:
“Mouthful of Sores”
“Goodbye 2 Every1 Ever”
“Heaven Better Save Some Tears”
“Ain’t No Fun”
“There’s No More Room in Heaven”
“Devoted Songwriter, Father, and Self”
and those are just from the episode Sad Songs are Nature’s Onions. There’s plenty more where those came from.
NO PISS ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good call on “It ain’t easy bein white, it ain’t easy bein brown”
Nothing from The League? Taco’s “Birthday Song,” “Vaginal Hubris;” definitely worthy of this list.
Can’t argue with #1 though.
Plus naginata?
Naginata, naginata, love my naginata
Naginata please!
I’ve had Yobagoya stuck in my head all day.
Yobogoya, the taste will destroy-ya!
The cheapest bucket of beef in Illinoi-a!
Yobagoya, makes you jump for joy-a!
What kind of meat is it? It’s a mystery for ya.
Legally we’re not allowed to call it meat,
So bring the whole family for a tasty brown treat!
I’m also partial to “Pete’s Little Tiny Erecdick.”
Jon Lajoie is a comedian/musician independently and just incorporates (unfunny) songs from his act on the show, so he wouldn’t count.
No Canyonero on the Simpsons list? I have to say, Taffy Butt is probably my favorite out of all of these. I can’t get enough of that Taffy Butt
Night Man over Day Man? He’s the champion of the Sun!
“Night Man” has better lyrics.
Day Man has that awesome hook.
am I the only one disappointed I can’t find a straight video of the simpsons mediocre presidents song?
That song is why I know William Henry Harrison died in 30 days.
“So we’ll march day and night, by this big cooling tower
They have the plant, but we have the power”
This list should’ve just been Top 20 Simpsons Songs. The other shows are irrelevant.
“Happiness, is just a Flaming Moe away”
I wanna go to Mt. Splashmore
Take me, take me, take me, take me now
NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW
The president’s song is exactly why I could discuss William Henry Harrison in the Kim Kardashion for mayor post.
Related: any Animaniacs informational songs.
“Senor Plow no es macho, solamente un borracho”
Any of Yakko’s informational songs, specifically.
I rreeeeaaaalllllyyyy wanted to include every song from the musical episode of Rocko’s Modern Life, but didn’t want to get too political (“You can’t fight City Hall/You can’t fight corporate America…”)
“Stella, can’t you hear me yella!”
Josh, no R-E-C-Y-C-L-E recycle from rocko? I mean, come on!
“While Wade Boggs lay unconscious on the barroom tile!”
Smelly Cat.
Anyone?
No?
Sorry.
That one occurred to me too. The spiffy studio version they did in that one episode was pretty good.
Love
I always liked Chocolate Salty Balls. The song was okay.
Every song Isaac Hayes sang on South Park is better than EVERY song on this list, no doubt. We’ve all just collectively decided to forget the first 5 or so seasons of South Park. But I still remember!
[www.youtube.com]
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I know, no South Park love? I always loved Kyle’s Mom is a big fat b@#$h! In “Mr. Hankey The Christmas Poo.” Which incidentally is another worthy contender.
I don’t remember ever seeing “I wrote this song in ’94″ before. Love it. Always appreciate finding something I’d missed that was worthwhile in one of these lists.
I thought “Let’s Go to the Mall” was longer than 2 minutes.
Full version – [www.youtube.com]
South Park easily has a bunch, not including the ones from the film (Though the definitive version of “Kyle’s mom is a big fat b*****” is in the movie.) A Jew on Christmas, the song about Lemmiwinks the hamster’s quest, and you have to admit, Timmaaaaaaay has good riff.
“La Resistance Medley” might be the greatest movie song of all-time.
I know it’s only a week old, but I’m convinced that “Jackin’ it in San Diego” is gonna have some serious legs and merits consideration.
I always had a soft spot for Mr. Garrison’s ode to holidays around the world:
“Hello Mr. Shintoist/Merry f***cking Christmas/God is gonna kick your ass/you infidel pagan scum”
the office (american version)
SUCK IT…………. SUCK IT……… YOU TAKE OUT YOUR SUCK IT AND YOU SUCK IT!!!
Scrantonicity anyone?
Dave Chappelle’s Piss On You is better than pretty much everything on this list
with the exception of Night Man
No “too many minorities at my waterpark”? For Cartmans line of “gross” after “i even saw a native American” I still about piss my pants laughing
haha. mule.
Not proud that I watch this show, but I’m considering writing a letter to have a full version of this song finished…
[www.youtube.com]
When it comes to Simpsons songs, I was always fond of Quimby’s campaign jingle. “It’s not the mayor’s fault that the stadium collapsed.”
This list made me kinda sad that LOST never had a musical episode.
This is a pretty great list, covering all the bases…I’d like to add a couple more:
Lisa, It’s Your Birthday – [youtu.be]
Gay Fish – [youtu.be]
MST3K “Hear the Engines Roar Now” – [youtu.be]
Bone Zone and Oh boy from Delocated
Sorry, did I just teleport into a universe where Monty Python’s Flying Circus was never on the air? The Spam Song, complete with Viking ship cutaway? The Summarizing Proust Song? The freaking Lumberjack Song?
*taptap* Is this thing on?
+1
Where is Smelly Cat????
I think “I Wrote This Song In ’94″ is my favorite on this list. Aside from the Simpsons ones, I suppose. And I would say “I’m talkin’ bout George W. Smith/from City Council, he ran in ’93 out in Oakland/You probably didn’t hear about it” is the best lyric.
[www.youtube.com]
“This is my… struggle!”
Karma Rocket are a poor man’s MouseRat, but any excuse to bring up the sadly-missed show.
I’m all for “Let’s Go to the Mall”, but “Sandcastles in the sand” is way funnier!
“if you’re not real
then how come i feel
this way?,
little babies”
lindas song from bobs burgers a couple weeks ago. 3 seconds long, and it absolutely slayed me.
This is outrageous! “Smelly Cat” beats them all by a good mile! Although I loved the Scrubs one too.
The best song from Tim & Eric is “Doo Doo Doo Doo.” Close second to “Sports.”
Also, I’m quite fond of the song Andy sings when he gets lost in the wilderness on Parks and Rec. “And I had to fiight a squirrreeellll!”
Muffin Top from 30 Rock. I hate to love it, and I love to hate it.
What no “Smelly Cat,” No “Getting Rid of Britta” must be sham.