Dude. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. Wait… what?
You know what’s weird? Grass. It’s everywhere and we don’t even notice it. It just, like, grows, you know? We just go about our day all normal and casual and right there — right under our feet — are millions of these tiny little trees. Billions. Why do we call it “grass,” anyway? If there’s so many of them, shouldn’t we call it “grasses”? “I’m going to cut the grasses” makes a lot more sense than “I’m going to cut the grass.” If you just cut one at a time, it would take, like, forever. Dude … what if grass could talk? I bet we wouldn’t mow it then. It would be too sad. Gardeners would be so stressed out.
DUDE, CUP THAT. HERE COME THE COPS.
Wait, nevermind. It was just a guy in a blue shirt. Dude… you know what’s weird? Cops. Why do we need cops anyway? It’s like, yeah you shouldn’t, like, murder or whatever, but what if everyone got high instead. We’d all be too chill to murder each other then. Think of all the money we’d save. We could just legalize weed and sell a pack of joints for like … like, $5. Yeah. Then we could get rid of the cops and spend all that money on waterslides and sh-t. Dude, wait … do you think the president smokes weed? I bet he does. I bet he gets all the good stuff the cops confiscate and he just, like, blazes all day with all the senators and stuff in the White House. They probably send the Secret Service on food runs. That’s why it’s still illegal, I bet. So they can keep it for themselves. Whoa.
Dude, stop stalling on the blunt. Hook it up. No no, don’t hand it to me, blow it into my face. What do you mean, “Why”? Dude. I’m a dog. I don’t have fingers.
Thanks to reader Benjamin for passing along this picture