Why would you waste your time and money watching $100 million special effects; an all-star, A-list cast; Scarlett Johansson’s boobs in motion; and an abundance of Hulk Smash when you can see a movie with twelve dollar special effects, the old guy from “The Sopranos”; the fat guy from ‘N Sync; fake Jersey boobs in motion; and, um, sharks. Sharks that look like they’re made from papier mache.
“Jersey Shore Shark Attack” stars Tony Sirico, Joey Fatone, Paul Sorvino, William Atherton, and “Jersey Shore’s” own Vinny Guadagnino. I’ll just borrow Alcoholic’s Anonymous perfect tagline: “Leave the life vest, take the cannoli.” Here’s the trailer, which must have taken MINUTES to assemble at a cost in the thousands of pennies. Seriously, Josh’s MS Paint Job looks better than the FX in the movie.
“Jersey Shore Shark Attack” airs June 9th on the SyFy channel.
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To borrow a phrase from other commenters…I will watch this so hard. Joey Fat-one was always my favorite boy band boy.
They had me at the wet-T-shirt-over-your-bikini-top contest.
Smile, you son of a biscotti!
Seems a bit implausible; not the shark thing but that anyone would ever get into the water off the coast of New Jersey.
To be fair, there might still be some Rum Ham out there.
‘EY, SHARK, I’M SWIMMIN’ OVAH HEAH.
Am I the only one who saw this banner pic and thought of Kenny Powers’ 4th of July party?
No you are not.
That poor shark, eating all those Jersey mooks….he’s certain to die of ingesting lethal amounts of skin bronzer, steroids and Valtrex.
Eh, you know what dat is, smar’ guy? Dat’s the USS Stugots right deah. Four men went out on dat boat. Only tree came back. I remember, Joey Bag o’ Donuts we’s all used to call dah guy. Baseball playa. So we brings the guy out, and we’s fishin’, drinkin’ tough guy sodas, y’know, the whole nine yahds. Den Jimmy dah Boot, ‘e says, “Eh oh, Joey, I wanna go show something under dah boat. Come on down ‘ere.” So’s we all go down deh, and dat’s when Joey sees Frankie Pink Eye wi’ the twelve-gauge. And he starts hootin’ an’ hollerin’ and thrashin’ aroun’, but we hol’ ‘im and tie ‘im up an’ everything. And den I look inna Frankie’s eyes, and those eyes, let me tell ya something, he had these black eyes, like doll eyes, y’know? And he fires the gun and I swear to fuckin’ Christ, the fuckin’ guy’s eyes roll over white. Fuckin’ white. And I turn around and look Joey. Well… Frankie blew ‘im part below the waste. Fuckin’ awful. Took four fuckin’ hours to clean up.
Bottomline. I’ll never do a guy on a boat wi’ a shotgun again.
When did Paul Sorvino give up?
FORGET ABOUT IT