NOTE: I’ll open a SPOILER thread at the bottom of this post’s comments section. Please contain all “upcoming on GoT” talk to there. If you mention something that hasn’t happened on the show yet outside of said thread, you’ll be banned. The only way to be unbanned: giving me all your dragons. No dragons, no dice.
As you may have noticed, this post went offline for a little bit. We have no idea why, and all of the text that had been written has mysteriously vanished (WHAT WILL THE WORLD DO WITHOUT MY COMMENTS ABOUT VARYS'S DICK???). Oh, f*ck me, indeed. We're working on fixing the problem, but until then: enjoy the GIFs and feel free to talk amongst yourselves about Sansa and Cersei being awesome, Joffrey being a wimpy pussbag, and "Blackwater" being the greatest TV battle EVER. Here's this at least:
Attractive Women of "Game of Thrones" Power Rankings: #3. Shae, #2. Bronn's Companion, #1. Queen Cersei
Enjoy.
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Just re-watched the battle scene, the last thing Joffrey does before leaving is turn to the guy who attacks Tyrion and says “represent the king in battle”, followed by a weird look from Tyrion. Joffrey’s orders, not Cersei’s?
@Dingus, are you talking about Jon’s mom?
Someone has probably already posted about this, but incase not…Does this affect the attractive power rankings? [www.latimesmagazine.com]
The only quibble I have with the episode that, while it is awesome, the battle scenes have too many decapitations/de-leggings/de-armings, all with a single blow. It is the post-”Braveheart” effect, where every blow manages to slice through armor, clothing, skin, bone, etc. in one swipe. It is a bit ridiculous, but awesome
Not all of them. Theon needed a few hacks to get through Ser Rodrick
They also left out the part about the great chain that Tyrion had the metalsmiths make that tied up the boats in the harbor while they were beset by the wildfire. That was a lynchpin to his plan in the book would have made him look much more the tactician than he even appeared to be. Not sure why they even had the scene earlier in the season.
“Not sure why they even had the scene earlier in the season.”
They didn’t. He told the pyromancers to make more wildfire… he never told anyone to make a chain.
I agree though. I was disappointed that the chain wasn’t used so we had no jumping from ship to ship. Overall still a good episode though
the_monsieur: I am going to go back. I thought the scene was that the metalsmiths were ordered by Cersei to make weapons for the defense of Kings Landing and Tyrion told that to stop that and start making a great chain…If I knew you I would bet you a beverage on it!
Apparently, the showrunners had shot a scene of Tyrion with the blacksmiths, but perhaps they later decided to concentrate on the wildfire, due to budgetary constraints.
Read more: [www.nolanfans.com]
Also, I always thought that was a bit stupid in the books. Stannis doesn’t have a single competent spy to tell him about the massive fucking metal chain? A lot easier to keep the wildfire secret.
anyone else think sir payne looks like the american eagle guy from the muppets?
oh, and that episode was beyond badass. even sansa didn’t suck.
Yes!
I yell-laughed when Cersei said the highborn ladies were in for “a bit of a rape”. Drunk Cersei should net Lena Headey an Emmy, because she is the greatest.
[twitter.com]
Awesome, Lunchbox!
That is great.
So, is this post ever coming back again?
You can’t tease me fan-fiction involving Vary’s dick and then not deliver.
Did the Kingsguard (I forgot the character’s name – Sandor?) that attempted to kill Tyrion, did he do that on Joffrey’s orders? If so, Tyrion will exact revenge won’t he? I’ve often said that so many of the storylines in GoT are interesting enough to be the focus of an entire series. If they made a show just about Tyrion and Bronn – I would watch the shit out of that.
Why didn’t Sansa go with The Hound back to Winterfell? The city is under seige, the King and his mother despise you, why wouldn’t you get the hell out of there and head North while you had the chance? Is Sansa capable of making a good decision?
One other note – I don’t know if it was because the minimal use of CGI, but I actually enjoyed the battle in ‘Blackwater’ alot more than anything I saw in Lord of The Rings. Or is that just me?
Sandor Clegane is the Hound’s name.
Wouldn’t call that a bad decision. If you were teenage girl, would you go willingly with a terrifying killing machine who loves to kill?
I find everything about GOT to be more interesting than LOTR. There you had a manichean struggle between good guys and bad guys, pretty much everyone having transparent motivations. Cool story, but everyone knows how it will end. Here you have a six or seven way free for all with lots of ambiguity and unpredictability. And I have no idea who wins; it very well could be Lannister.
i think it was sir balon swann that tried to kill tyrion…but don’t quote me on that. he and sir meryn are both sacks of shit that haven’t gotten enough air time for viewers to realize what assbags they actually are.
@Joe_
I have to disagree. The Hound already saved her from being raped (or worse) during that riot. A siege would have been much worse. If you’re Sansa the ONE person in King’s Landing I absolutely want to protect me is The Hound.
Cercei and Joffrey have already demonstrated that they will make her life a living hell if she stays. Who knows what Stannis would’ve done. I’d take my chances with The Hound if it meant I could go back home.
Was that the same Kingsguard that Tyrion “educated” on the difference between a threat and an opinion earlier this season?
In the book it is ser mandon moore who tries to kill Tyrion. In the episode, Balon Swann and Mandon Moore are both commanded to fight in place of the king after joffrey splits. I believe they will keep this consistent with the books.
I believe that a lot of the “this dialog needs to happen because each episode can’t be a feature film” is lacking and requires a higher than normal degree of suspension of disbelief in order to move on with the plot and this scene is no different. The Hound is a much more tortured creature in the books. This scene leaves you thinking he might have a shred of honor. But he’s a coward. He has just left a battle because of a mental breakdown due to being too close to fire and subsequently he’s gotten drunk. He’s come to rape sansa and in the end, probably due to his lack of sobriety, can’t even do that and just leaves.
Why this version of sansa, especially after her realization that he wont hurt her, doesn’t go is really unclear. There are other reasons in the book, most of which is she is still scared of him, but I can’t be explicit with out potentially revealing spoilers.
Anyone else has already used the line “Fuck the water. Bring me wine” today?
i used it with coffee instead of water at office……..still affective.
Stannis: “You mean ‘effective”
Surly Badger, you win the first true LOL of the week. Well done.
*sigh, i feel like i let Stannis down.
So, wait, if Daddy Lannister is now at King’s Landing…who is fighting Robb?
I wondered the same thing. I thought his ripping-a-page-out-of-Rob’s-book moment of “unpredictability” was about launching an attack on Rob early and unexpectedly, not about running to King’s Landing. Obviously, Arya thought so too.
Or perhaps Tywin figured out who Arya really is, and used the old ‘misinformation’ trick – knowing that the info would get back to Robb. While everyone thought he would attack Robb, it would disguise his true intention to head to King’s Landing.
Eventhough Tywin is ostensibly a ‘villian’ I can’t help but be really impressed by him. I think Arya had a similar reaction to him.
Such a great show.
I don’ believe for a second that Tywin knew Arya’s true identity, but he DID know that she was a Northerner, and made a smart gamble that she’d try to send word to Rob’s forces, so he fed her misinformation about his plans.
Who knew pigshit could burn like that.
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Your boyfriend is a millionaire who bangs blondes 11 years younger than him *AND* he loves reading about Game of Thrones with you?
You’re one lucky girl, Wu Sasa.
Someone needs to get Tywin Lannister on this site….Hes old, rich and lonely, and a good chance he will breed more imps.
Quote of the night went to my wife, “This is really cool, but Game of Thrones was really ‘rapey’ tonight” lol
Seriously, what was the Over/Under on the word rape? 6-7?
Seriously. By only half way through I was like, thanks GoT, we get it. Everyone is gunna get raped.
All we need was a cameo from Walton Goggins reprising his character from “Predators” discussing how, if he got out of this, he was “going to do so much coke and rape so many fine b*tches”
That.was.fucking.EPIC. I literary had to pause it, eat a xanax then start over.
I pledge my allegiance to Bronn of House of Badass.
Also after that guy got domed with the rock…i WILL ALWAYS play rock in future paper-rock-scissors games.
Good old rock. Nothin’ beats that!
Is it just me or are all of the scenes with Danarys… draggin’.
ah, i see….i see what you did there…hah!
Why would Bronn and The Hound be enemies? I think they’d be awesome friends… they should make a web series based on the misadventures of the two of them together. Like a buddy-cop movie but with more beheading and less law abiding…
I still wanna see COPS: King’s Landing edition
Bronn’s Boys Bronn’s Boys Whatcha gonna do…
surly badger wins.
Howzabout HBO finally telling the cable companies that while they enjoyed the fellatio for the last 20 or so years they just use too much teeth (looking at you comcast) and its time to move on.
Then they can move to Netflix-like subscription service and actually adopt a business model that’s in touch with reality.
[theoatmeal.com]
I see a lot of people posting that comic and the argument sucks every time.
Awesome comic bro. I love that “If I can’t have exactly what I want, exactly when I want it, then it’s ok to steal!” mentality. I hope you get hit by a bus.
And by “you” I mean “pirates who try to justify themselves”…I just noticed you never said you actually pirated the show. Sorry ’bout that.
No prob bob. But I will totally admit that if I didnt have HBO Go I would def be downloading season 2. And then immediately purchasing it on Blu Ray as soon as it came out like I did with season 1.
Yeah no shit piracy aint cool but when you try to force the scarcity business model on people with internet connections that’s exactly what’s going to happen.
The current state of Hollywood and the Music Industry is proof of that.
If GoT was available for season pass on I-tunes would it still be the most illegally downloaded show right now? I would think not. I’ve purchased the books, I own and will own the blu-ray collections. Shit if GRRM was selling t-shirts of Bronn smirking for 50 bucks I’d prolly shell out for that too. I absolutely respect and support the creators. But this is the 21st century and you cant MAKE people that want to be part of this conversation buy shitty over-priced cable just to get HBO. HBO should absolutely switch over to subscription service like Netflix. I’d buy it. And I’m sure there are millions of people out there just like me that dont want to deal with those fucking cable companies anymore that would gladly pay them 10, 15 or even 20 bucks for access. 20 bucks for HBO instead of 100 bucks for a bunch of shit I dont want? Yes fucking please.
This is pretty relevant:
[warmingglow.uproxx.com]
Can they not do twice the amount of shows
And show them over a longer season or on a we’d/sun night.
Benefits being its cheaper than a new series as yoste using
Same sets actors and you have more time to follow
The books more closely it’s a Win Win ???? Is there any
Real downside to this idea???
I’m a firm believer in forcing the casts/writers/crews of tv shows I like into indentured servitude so they can be on every week all year long. Civil rights? Bah!
Come on its just a scratch, they can cut the top of a guys head off but not even the skin off the end of his nose.
When Davos had his dude start playing the war drums… I was just waiting for an “OOO WAH-AH-AH-AH”
Or Marilyn Manson to pop out of the wildfire boat singing the beautiful people.
Last night was thrilling – best battle scenes I’ve seen on TV.
I haven’t read all the comments yet, but I am looking forward to reaffirmations of my feeling that last night’s episode was one of the most bad ass examples of a book scene brought to screen ever.
This episode literally had me on the edge of my seat. Or sofa. I also let out a big NOOOO! when the Dinklage fell to the ground. Please don’t die. I loved you…
And by the way, give me 45 seconds and I could come up with 10 better names than “Heart Eater”
Ready, go.
Fart Meter.
wait til Kig Dipshit names the sword Tywin gives him as a wedding gift.
Meat Slicer
Beef Heater
Bob Johnson… Oh, wait.
@TyMo – I’d consider that a spoiler. I hope you’ve got some dragons for Josh.
WhoreSpanker?
DogChaser?
The Right Hand of the Wuss?
Suckscalibur?
Long Dong Silver Sword…he was all “Yeah, kiss it..”
Street Sweeper?
This episode was so METAL with The Hound slicing people in half, Stannis marching around not giving a shit, and wildfire.
And Cersei is such a bitch.
Bitchface = DRINK!
We need a GoT Album of Bronn and the Goldcloak Men’s Chorus.
First single: Rains Of Castamere
Agreed
Imagine the army of behemoths Brienne could power out cannonball style if she mated with The Hound…
Am I alone in thinking Bronn has quickly turned into the second most interesting character on the show? Quick wit, a fucking boss in battle and the look on his face when he saved The Hound was fucking priceless…
Shooting that arrow was SUUUUUUUPER fuckin’ badass. It was perfect.
Bronn was indeed epic this episode. The way he dispatched those attackers after saving Hound was impressive too. He’s definitely quick.
His exchange with Tyrion was the best.
Tyrion – “Just because I pay you for your services doesn’t diminish our friendship”.
Bronn – “Enhances it, really”
Tyrion – “Oh, enhances, fancy word for a sellsword”.
Bronn – “Been spendin’ time with fancy folks”.
Fo Sho, his fighting style is so cold, he was dicing hamstings and throats, and he did it with so much swag….he even stept to The Hound.
He wasnt this major of a character at all in the books, but since the author wrote “Blackwater” and gave him all those great lines, me thinks he will become a bigger factor in series (im book 5 now, so idk)
I can’t believe no one has commented on his line: “Don’t feel sorry for him, he’ll be buried halfway up your ass before the night is over.” Raunchy, but funny.
Badass Power Rankings for the Week:
1. STANNIS
2. Tyrion
3. Bronn
4. Podrick (take that Kingsguard!)
5. The Hound
May I nominate for at the very least ‘honourable mention’ the Pyromancer…because Wildfire.
I don’t know about The Hound in that list. The way he just pussed out mid-battle, is there any context to that in the books for those that have read them?
The Hound has a severe phobia of fire due to his big brother The Mountain burning his face off when he was 6.
Ah, that explains it then, thanks JCSK
Stannis is number one with a bullet.
While King Bitchface was worried that his Mom might need him for something really important Stannis was first up that fuckin ladder.
I’d say a two way tie for Bronn and the Hound at number 2 tho.
Bronn because he didnt miss with that fire arrow AND he saved the Hounds ass. The Hound cause he was cutting fools in half until the fire freaked him out. But then he told King Bitchface to fuck off to his bitchy face, so there’s that.
@ FatPolamalu, Littlefinger explained the Hound’s back story to Sansa during the jousting tournament in season 1.
@FP in the first book, the Hound actually tells Sansa his story when he’s drunk and escorting her back to her room after the feast. Then he tells her he’d kill her if she told anyone. And now he’s totally going to be her body guard. Go Sansa, for being so bird-like.
I feel bad for Lancel. He doesn’t deserve the shit he gets.
Doesn’t he? He’s kind of a moron.
I was surprised to see him out there actually swinging a sword and shit, and actually seeming to do a decent job of it. I was not surprised to see him bolt as soon as he took that arrow, though.
I want a “face of Ser Ilyn Payne” website. That actor has the coolest job ever.
I hope they put in the part later on where Jamie gets him to laugh and it just sounds like this creepy clicking sound
I really, really hope Tyrion is still alive.
The wildfire scene is an instant classic moment for the show.
This episode all around was just awesome.
But yeah, holy shit was that episode awesome. Though the ending happened waay too fast for me – was that Loras Tyrell who walked into the throne room before Tywin?
And it’ll be really hard for me to stay as engaged if Tyrion did die. He’s just miles better than everyone else on the show. (Not that the rest of the characters are bad, mind you, he’s just that good.)
Yep, it was definitely Loras in Renly’s armor.
Tyrion die? It’s a flesh wound!
I didn’t notice that was Renly’s armor; that’s pretty cool. Although Loras’ own armor was much cooler-looking, but whatever. Thanks for the info, JR.
Wildfire was probably the fourth best part of this episode, and it was fucking awesome. That’s how great this one was.
Am I the only one who thought of the honey badger when watching Stannis in the battle after the wildfire explosion?
-My BFF Davos just got blow away? Don’t care, let’s have a thousand men killed on the shore, I will take my rightful throne!
-Raining fire arrows on us? I don’t give a fuck, I’m the first on land bitches!
-Throwing rocks at me? Bring me my ladder!
And the beheading, and his screams of anger as he realizes it’s lost and his men drag him off the battlement… JUST. BADASS.
Agreed. I don’t care if he has Shadow children, he’s a BOSS.
Best thing about Stannis. Mofo crushed the Greyjoy fleet during their rebellion 10 years ago.
Stannis is a giant tool but he def never lacked for balls. Badger Approved!
My head was ready to explode if Bronn had been in Wham!
He was in a similar British group called Jerome and Robson. Very “oh girl” and all that
I wish there was a way for the new comments to be highlighted…
Hypothetical question: If you could only watch one show, but guaranteed it ran for 10 seasons, would you pick Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones?
GoT.
Game of Thrones, without a second thought. Operates on a completely different level.
BB is pretty perfect, but I don’t think the storyline warrants a 10 seasons run at all. Whereas Game of Thrones as so much to tell…
Agreed BB is great but 10 seasons? We probably could get 4 seasons out of book 3
That’s what I was thinking. Breaking Bad has the actors but GoT has the story to get 10 years out of it.
Tyrion’s speech to the troops was particularly stirring, particularly the night before Memorial Day.
“Those are brave men out there…Let’s go kill them!”
I loved it, signature Tyrion – “Don’t fight for riches because you won’t get any”
That ending was outstanding. You’re expecting, “but we’re braver,” but no — just f*ck those assholes.
I just assumed the Lannister forces got to whatever ladders they could and knocked them down offscreen, while the cameras focused on the ones that remained upright. The ladder Stannis climbed, for instance, would probably have a hundreds of arrows (did you see all of the Baratheon archers?) attacking anyone going near it in order to protect the would be king.
OK, burning them I get, but how would you get the leverage to push them away? You’d have to lean over the ramparts and then push something hundreds of pounds.
I assume Tyrion is going to have a badass scar now.
Hope so, I’m guessing that his own dude attacked him under some of Stannis’s crazy-shaman-fuck buddy’s black magic? (that was a strange sentence)
As Davos adviced Stannis earlier, they did not bring Melissandre to the battle, so no dark magic in this. Just plain old internal betrayal, it is actually not totally clear in the books who ordered the Kingsguard to turn on Tyrion during the heat of battle. I’ve always assumed it was Cersei’s doing though, and I think the show build up their respective hatred well enough for us to assume that in the show too.
Ah, some fresh wood for the fire that is the inter-Lannister plotting. Aryans be scheming.
Ahh! Thanks for the clarification, Jean-Ralphio. I was thinking it was Ser Meryn, just acting on his own volition because of all the shit that’s transpired between he and Tyrion. Your explanation makes more sense.
It was Ser Mandon, we were introduced to him last week as the guy Cersei had guarding/beating who she thought was Tyrion’s whore. So yeah
No mention of The Rains of Castamere during the end credits? That was the most badass way to end the most badass episode of the series.
Hipsters will be happy to know that The National performed that version.
That was awesome.
I’ve always read this song while hearing The Decemberists played it in my head. But the National’s version is appropriately grim, and fit really nicely at the end of the episode.
I thought that sounded like them! Yaaaaay!
That was the national? I thought some drunken old Bruce Springsteen impersonator wandered onto set and they decided to keep the audio.
I was hoping it was Bronn
And THIRDLY!: The ladders pissed me off too. Especially once Tyrions forced finally were fighting them on the ground… REMOVE THE LADDERS ASSHOLES!
Yes, Set the Fecking Ladders on fire with Pitch , if you can do it to 2 Stark Boy analogues. then a Ladder should be no problem, It was so well written that going into this I wanted Stannis to Triumph, But the Wee man saved the day in more ways than can be counted, He makes Dwarfs Walk Tall.
I bough the first book (4 weeks ago) , but due to work ive only got to the map on Page 6….. Does this Season end where the Second book ends….. And Who would have thought Pig Shit burns Green.. Come on the Hoops !!!!
Green flame! Green flame! All hell is breaking loose!
In regards to the end of the season vs the end of the book. I believe they are going to pick and chose a few of the storylines to end roughly where the book ends, and the rest (Dany/ Arya) will have some elements from book 2. But really their storylines kind of start anew before this book closes out so to save adding new characters into this season it almost makes more sense to just incorporate that into next season.
Also, am I horrible to assume that Davos is dead? I don’t WANT him dead… just… green flamey explodey boom boom….
Comic book rule: if you don’t see them die onscreen, they’re alive.
But if this went by comic book rules wouldn’t Brienne’s armour barely cover her lady parts?
aaah okay. But then his bitch ass kid is dead right?
He was blown clear with no Essence of Pig Shit on him, So I would say he is paddling about somewhere.. Not read the books (well ive got to map on page 6 of first book) … So not sure…
Coming from someone who hasn’t read the books, probably yes. When a father screams at the last second to see his kid engulfed in an explosion, dead kiddo.
that was my assumption too Texas…
thats why i believe syrio forel is still alive. you never see (or read) about him actually dying
its just kinda assumed
Chewie – Just started looking at all the interactive stuff on HBOGO…not good news for Syrio: [i177.photobucket.com]
In the book 3 of his kids die on the river, so he got off easy.
Did anyone else’s jaws drop and stay dropped during the wildfire part? There was a good two minutes straight of mind-blown mouth gaping…
I’ve read the books. My flatmate has not read the books. After the wildfire went off, we had to rewind about two minutes because he spent so long saying “fucking hell” over and over again.
Even expecting it, I was right there with him.
Good Lord….. they’d be the only kids to ever take on a dragon in hand to hand/claw combat….
sorry I don’t know why it just loaded my last comment on their automatically… but I was going to say that when I rewatched it with my husband I had to tell him to shut up for that same reason…. like this is too epic for you to ruin with even reactionary commentary…
on there* …. jesus I’m awful tonight sorry!
“if any man dies with a clean sword i’ll fuck his corpse” or however it was said was my fav line from the hound
I think it was he’ll cut his dick off, reminds me of when you’d come off a rugby pitch and one of your team mates shirts wasn’t dirty.
Someone’s doing a dirty pint!
It was “if any man dies with a clean sword, I’ll rape his corpse”. Best line of the show and surprised/saddened to not see a GIF of that.
I decided it was too close to Yoren’s ‘There’s men out there want to fuck your corpses.’
Yeah re-watched that part, I must’ve misheard it initially. Still, brilliant.
freudian slip there Irish
As a member of the pro-Stannis camp, allow me to express my extreme disappointment in the end of that episode. Do I really have to deal with another season of Lannisters? I feel cheated. I wanted a king who cuts peoples’ fingers off, and later corrects them on their grammar when they claim to have “less fingers”.
But then you wouldn’t get to hate Joffrey. The only reason I want him to live is so I can hate him more.
Keep faith, Stannis may have lost but remember he didn’t die either.
The only thing missing is the passive aggressive, finally-not-being-a-cunt Sansa .gif.
Oh, Sansa.
Sansa deserves everything she gets for what happened to Arya’s direwolf.
It was Sansa’s direwolf that got killed, not Arya’s. Arya chased hers off to save it’s life, then Cersei demanded someones blood and Sanas’s got caught in the crossfire.
Yes I know this, but if Sansa wasn’t such a B none of that would have happened.
Gotcha, I’m holding out hope Arya’s wolf shows up again soon.
You all can take your Sansa hate. She’s growing into quite a sexy Little Bird.
Plus you got the love that sick burn she delivered to Joffrey right before the battle.
She’s getting some valuable life lessons from Queen Bitchface.
Cersei: “Your OTHER weapon is between your legs stoopid!”
Sansa: ::gasp!:: “But.. but… I thought Knights wanted to hold hands and bring me flowers and stuff”
Cersei: ::sigh::”More wine!”
I love how she basically dared Joffrey to lead the charge against Stannis.