The network sweeps period -- and thus, the network television season -- ends three weeks from tomorrow. "Mad Men" and "Game of Thrones" will end soon thereafter. It's then that we enter the darkest period of the year for television viewers: The summer television season. It's a brutal few months full of sixth-rate reality shows, reruns, and perhaps worst of all, "True Blood." It's during those three months when there's little else beyond "Breaking Bad" in July to look forward to that many of us turn to the USA Network.
Here's an interesting fact: Since "Psych" began airing in 2006, the USA Network hasn't canceled a single original program. "Monk" left the air, but nothing else has bottomed-out in the ratings and failed to be renewed. Not only is the USA Network the highest rated cable network besides ESPN, the network has a remarkable track record. How do they manage it? Easy. Safe, middle-of-the-road formulaic programming, shows that many of us may not watch, but few actively turn their noses up at. They're not great shows, but they hit a certain soft spot in our brains: We watch them, particularly during the summer months, because we aspire to little more than a light, breezy, self-contained hour-long drama with a minimum of hassle. It's Summer Dumbening.
The eye candy doesn't hurt. Indeed, the USA Network peoples its shows with attractive people that are no more hard on the eyes than the plots are on our brains. It's simple stuff, and easy to look at.
Because the network makes Eye Candy such a integral part of their casting decisions, I think it's fair game in this case to pass judgement. So, below, I offer you the USA Network's 10 Original Programs ranked specifically in terms of eye candy, using the most attractive female and the most attractive male lead in each show as representatives.
10. In Plain Sight
Female: Mary McCormack
Male: Frederick Weller
9. Necessary Roughness
Female: Callie Thorne
Male: Mehcad Brooks
8. Royal Pains
Female: Reshma Shetty
Male: Paulo Costanzo
7. Common Law
Female: Sonya Walger
Male: Michael Ealy
6. Psych
Female: Maggie Lawson
Male: Dule Hill
5. Burn Notice
Female: Gabrielle Anwar
Male: Jeffrey Donovan
4. Covert Affairs
Female: Piper Perabo
Male: Christopher Gorham
3. Suits
Female: Meghan Markle
Male: Gabriel Macht
2. White Collar
Female: Tifanni Thiessen
Male: Matt Bomer
1. Fairly Legal
Female: Sarah Shahi
Male: Some Guy, Who Cares?
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I know this post was probably just an excuse to post pictures of Sarah Shahi (and for that, I thank you) but unless you’re basing the #2 rank for White Collar on Matt Bomer, I don’t know why you are rating it so high. I loved Kelly Kapowski as much as the next kid who came of age in the 90′s, but Tiffani Thiesen is not hot anymore.
AMEN!
I think it’s fair for White Collar to take #2 based on Matt Bomer. My wife goes on and on about that guy. I’m pretty sure he’s gay, simply because the man is too good-looking to be straight.
He’s gay (and married, as I recall).
On the other hand, Hilarie Burton always looks fantastic on White Collar – hotter than Shahi IMHO.
I’m very heterosexual, but dammit if Gabriel Macht doesn’t look fucking hot in a suit. Um, did I say that out loud?
Respectfully disagree; love me some TAT in leather pants.
In other references to the 90′s; Sha-Winggggg!
I didn’t know most of these were even shows.
Re : In Plain Sight, she’s not a major character but Nichole Hiltz is not unattractive (horrible picture, but I’m at work and extensive Googling for hotness is not encouraged)
[www.celebsgossips.com]
Yeah, Brandi is as hot as donut grease.
/yeah, I’ve watched the show
//don’t judge me
She’s hot on that show, but when she was on “The Shield” a few years earlier she was thermonuclear.
Gabrielle Anwar is the opposite of Eye Candy.
Truth. She looks like some sort of zombie.
Seconded.
Thirded. Or fourthed, technically. Maggie Lawson is soooo much prettier. Jeffrey Donovan is a dreamboat but I don’t think he beats Dule Hill soundly enough (if at all) to pick up Anwar’s slack.
She’s a walking advertisement for skin cancer.
It’s Bruce Campbell’s swagger that’s putting Burn Notice so high up on the list
What Is Burn Notice?
She’s Eye Cancer.
Mary McCormack will always have a place in my heart for her changing scene in Private Parts.
And I hadn’t even gotten to 6 yet… JULIET O’HARA IS ALWAYS NO. 1.
Against a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader who was once chided for being too enthusiastic about fellatio? I think not.
@Zach – I’m afraid we’ll need more detail on that, if you please.
From the movie Old School: [static.tumblr.com]
I was going to say how could Matt Bomer be #2 until I saw Samuel T. Anders as #1. Thank you for adding some male eye candy for us ladies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stare at the slo-mo shirtless Gendry GIF some more.
Dude, at least do Gorham some justice.
How can you NOT have Bruce Campbell for Burn Notice?!?
Amen, brother.
Hi Some Guy, Who Cares?!!!
/He deserves acknowledgment of his wave.
Isn’t he the dude from BSG?
Yes it is. He played Sam Anders.
I like law shows and I think Sarah Shahi is just about the hottest piece of ass on TV right now, but I could not get through 20 minutes of her new show. It was god awful.
I don’t watch Royal Pains for Reshma Shetty but Jill Flint is straight up dope.
Not that I care about motive for posting Sarah Shahi pics, but this is more believable than “I just realized that model on New Girl is pretty hot.”
the guy on royal pains was joeys dweeby nephew on joey, and now he appears to have a ginger spiked thing.
god, I hate myself for realizing that.
In Plain Sight’s series finale is coming up. Is it being cancelled or is it pulling a Monk and just ending?
For the two shows that I actually watch on this list (Burn Notice and White Collar), I think a part of the genius of USA Network is that both male leads are two likable dreamboats that actually seem to be pretty cool guys on and off screen. That pretty much nails all the gay/straight male/female demographics.
Also, I tend to watch seasons of shows from beginning to end and my girlfriend tends to catch a few episodes with me here and there, so the stand-alone-with-a-larger-plot-in-the-back format works really well.
James Roday > Dule Hill
I may be wrong but I believe The Dead Zone was cancelled instead of running it’s course.
and The 4400. Both were after Psych I think.
Matt Bomer’s looks are proof that God exists.
Matt Bomer being gay is proof that God has a sense of humor, and occasionally likes to prank straight women.
Marsha Thomason should have been the pick on White Collar. Also, Dead Zone and 4400 were both from CBS studios – they were not USA Network original programming – the shows above were all created by NBC Universal. (Monk, by the way was created by ABC).
Reshma Shetty has amazing legs, but Jill Flint is so much hotter.
gabrielle anwar? seriously? she is a sweaty, leathery sack of bones. disgusting