The Florida Face-Eater Was Clearly a ‘CSI’ Fan

I’m endlessly fascinated with the story of Rudy Eugene, the 31-year-old Florida resident who was shot to death by a police officer this weekend in Florida after chomping on the face of 65-year-old homeless man Ronald Poppo. Maybe it’s because I once wrote a story about cannibalism in the modern age, or more likely, it’s because the story seems so unbelievable, like something out of “CSI.” Which it kind of is.

In a 2008 episode of “CSI: YEAHHH,” a.k.a. the recently canceled “CSI: Miami,” called “Raging Cannibal,” David Caruso investigates the case of a bloody man found in Florida, who during an autopsy is found to have digested human flesh. Looks like he COULD stomach the taste. /takes sunglasses off. Eventually, things derail into a plot about the Russian mob, but six years prior, the original “CSI” also did an episode, “Let the Seller Beware,” about a guy taking a bite not out of crime, but of an unsuspecting person, this time after experimenting with a hallucinogenic drug. On “CSI,” it’s PCP; in Rudy’s case, it was (likely) “bath salts.” Both: f*cked up.

Combining the two plots, you’ve got: a man goes crazy after taking drugs and begins acting like a cannibal in the middle of the day in Florida. Clearly, Rudy watched a lot of CBS, which brings me to my point: don’t watch CBS. This has been a Public Service Announcement from Warming Glow.