The Guy Fieri Stolen Lamborghini Story Keeps Getting Better Somehow

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Two days ago, we brought you the news that Guy Fieri’s stolen Lamborghini had been recovered in a storage locker belonging to a 17-year-old high school student who was also suspected of trying to kill two of his classmates by shooting at them from the back of a speeding motorcycle. Go ahead and give that last sentence a chance to sink in a little, because additional details about the case have started trickling out, and, somehow, it keeps getting more and more bonkers. It turns out the teenage suspect, Max Wade, may have been responsible for a one-man crime spree across Northern California, and the storage locker the car was discovered in also contained what is deliciously referred to in the article as “a potpourri of gadgetry.” Buckle in.

Besides the stolen Lamborghini, a motorcycle and a .357 revolver believed to be used in the shooting, the search revealed a trove of contraband, including automatic weapons, a police uniform, sophisticated electronic transmitting devices, bugs and other evidence of possible criminal activity beyond what anyone had imagined. [...]

The cache in the steel locker was a potpourri of gadgetry, disguises and guns. Investigators found a dismantled AK-47 assault weapon, an assault-type shotgun, electronics that can interfere with cell phone frequencies and a list of scanner codes for a variety of California law enforcement agencies. Inside the Lamborghini were three UHF signal jammers for cell phones and two radio signal jammers.

Most troubling of all, though, was the discovery of a full San Francisco Police Department uniform, including a badge and duty belt and some bags, containers and a mask. [SF Gate]

I joked around last time about how this story sounded like something out of a movie called Fast & Furious: The High School Years,” but GOOD GRAVY would you look at that list? Weapons, scramblers, jammers, disguises, masks, police uniforms, luxury automobiles, motorcycles, etc. And this kid is seventeen. HE IS A TEENAGER. Do you know what I was doing when I was a teenager? Playing Goldeneye on Nintendo 64. This kid was LIVING IT.

Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering, if this kid was such a master criminal, and if he had a storage locker full of items to help him evade the police, how did he get caught? Did they bring in some Jason Bourne/Sherlock Holmes-type to hunt him like a bloodhound? Nope. The answer, as it is to almost all questions involving 17-year-old boys, is “because of a girl.” Specifically, the girl he tried to kill via motorcycle drive-by, who, if you remember, he had a crush on and had started dating someone else.

Wade, who is being held on $2 million bail, was captured, according to the booking report, after he asked his female victim out two weeks after trying to kill her, the report says.

This kid must have balls the size of Guy Fieri’s big stupid head.