The fifth season of “True Blood” premieres Sunday, June 10, and to whet the audience’s appetite HBO has released this short teaser trailer. Actually, “teaser trailer” is a little strong. The clip is basically just 30 seconds of characters from the show crying and wailing and carrying on as though someone sat them down and made them all watch the first 15 minutes of Up. Also, some of the characters cry blood, because apparently the producers of the show buy fake blood in 55-gallon drums and if they don’t use it all by the end of the season it will be dumped into the ocean or something. I dunno. They key here is that everyone is going to be sad a lot this season, I guess.
Meanwhile, I remain firm in my belief that this show could be dramatically improved by adding a sword-wielding Wesley Snipes to the cast and changing the title to “Blade: Louisiana.”
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/heres-ed-skrein-daario-naharis-from-game-of-thrones-rapping-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/tumblr_mfcjjiUneJ1r7qi9eo1_400-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/larry-david-looks-super-weird-in-the-trailer-for-his-new-hbo-movie-uproxx-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Screen-Shot-2013-05-20-at-10.57.17-AM-150x150.png)
Oh, man, this show. This show is beyond ridiculous, and frequently terrible.
But I can’t stop watching it.
Amen.
I mean, I COULD stop watching it, but I can’t find a reason not to.
Yeah. Gore, sex. When you get right down to it, I’m a simple man.
A Blade joke about a vampire drama? Well, it is Monday…
A _recycled_ Blade joke about a vampire drama. But he admits as much.
The other promo that is out there makes this season look kinda awesome and this is coming from the person who keeps insisting every year they are quitting.
No way — every promo I’ve seen with new footage tells me they’re finally cutting completely loose and letting this show be the absolute campfest it needs to be.
Last season was way too GD tame.
Just give me horrifying vampire violence and war. Get rid of the witches, ghost whisperers, and all that other shit. In terms of vampire shows, I’m saying The Vampire Diaries > True Blood.
Plus, Reverend Newlin was the tits.
Will there be tits and blood? Because that’s the only reason I’m watching anyway.
I didn’t watch last season, but I might have to come back for a Keller/Stabler festival of blood and nakedness.
Do I have to watch last season to know what’s going on or can I just pick it up again?
I wouldn’t bother. It was just a load of boring stuff about witches and fairies, I don’t think you missed much. It was terrible.
Did they ever get rid of Tara and that fairy plot line? Because those were horrible un-watchable things… I mean True Blood is for fags bro.
If I remember correctly, Tara took a bullet to the noggin at the end of the finale and Sookie disappears into fairy land.
So in answer to your question: maybe and no.
The red hed sends true blood to my dong, and then i get a boner. Science yall. Thats how you get boners.
Uh oh, Terry dressed in black and crying, surrounded by somber also-dressed-in-black individuals. Looks like a funeral (Darlene’s??)…
This show is right up there with Walking Dead for fun to watch because its so fucking awful. The idea of Blade just laying waste to these dipshit hackneyed characters is so delightful I’m legitimately sad that I’ll never get to see it.
Who is the woman in that embed still?
That, sir, is Vampire Bill’s bratty teenaged daughter, Jessica. She used to be really annoying, but now she spends most of her time removing Red Riding Hood costumes, and is therefore the best thing on the show.
Actually it’s not Bill’s daughter. Way back in season 1, Bill did something naughty in the vampire world and his punishment was to “turn” an innocent into a vampire. Now she is the hottest vamp tramp in Louisiana.