What’s On Tonight: Paget Brewster Will Seductively Whisper Goodbye to ‘Criminal Minds’

Criminal Minds (CBS) — I’m happy that Paget Brewster is leaving “Criminal Minds” because I like Paget Brewser, and I don’t like “Criminal Minds.” Now that she’s unemployed, I could use someone to sit next to me and whisper encouraging things into my ear while I blog all day long. I think Paget Brewster would be a really good candidate for that position.

Suburgatory (ABC) — I hit a point every year, around March or April, when I decide I just can’t watch anymore shows that I don’t absolutely love simply for the sake of watching them. “Suburgatory” fell under that category this year, although I hope to catch up over the summer. I don’t know if Tessa’s mother will be revealed during tonight’s season finale, but they’ll definitely dance around it.

Manny is the Worst (ABC) — Whatever happened to the pseudo-incest thread running between Manny and Haley? Did they dismiss that once the show got popular so as to avoid any sort of “Arrested Development” curse?

Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC) — The TVLine description of tonight’s episode: “Chloe’s sex life catches up to her when her sex tape with James leaks, putting his Dancing With the Stars popularity in jeopardy.” Sold!

Law & Order SVU: In tonight’s episode, the cops delve into a world of “self-mutilation and ritual amputation.” So, severed limb party with Ice-T. Sounds like a band name.

LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Betty White is on Dave, Joel McHale is on Leno, Michael Clark Duncan is on Ferguson, Fallon has Taylor Kitsch, and Kimmel has Rita Wilson for some reason.