House (FOX) – Series finale. There’s an hour-long retrospective with cast interviews and such at 8 p.m., and then the final episode of the long-running medical drama airs at 9. If the people in charge of this show have any kind of sense of humor at all, the whole hour will just be House diagnosing patients with lupus over and over until the credits roll. (Here’s an oral history of the show, if that’s something you’re interested in.)
Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – Part 1 of the two-part season finale. According to my research, the finalists include two people named William Levy and Katherine Jenkins, as well as Green Bay Packers wide receiver Donald Driver. I am a great TV blogger.
The Bachelorette (ABC) – I prefer “The Bachelor” to “The Bachelorette” because the female contestants are typically much more fun (read: nutso), but there’s a “watching animals at the zoo” quality to the male contestants that is also pretty enjoyable. One day two bros are literally going to smash their heads together like rams to try to score points with the girl on the show. I guarantee it.
Clash of the Commercials: USA vs. The World (CBS) – Just to be clear: this is a show full of commercials, with even more commercials during the breaks. It is a full hour of non-stop, unadulterated advertising. Somewhere in fictional TV heaven, Don Draper and Roger Sterling are drinking brown liquor, looking down, and smiling.
American Ninja Warrior (NBC) – The most disappointing part of this show for me is the fact that we made it through all of the ’80s and ’90s without using this title for some crappy Dolph Lundren or Jean-Claude Van Damme movie. A real wasted opportunity.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kathy Griffin and the new Bachelorette (Emily Maynard) on Kimmel; Lea Michelle and Barry Sonnefeld on Letterman; Jeffrey Dean Morgan on Ferguson; Kevin Costner and Bailee Madison are on Leno, with a performance by Lisa Marie Presley; John Lithgow and Miranda Cosgrove are on Fallon; and Elizabeth Banks, Timothy Olyphant, and John Mulaney are on a repeat of Conan.
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There should be a Contagion-type epidemic of Lupus with Gwenyth Paltrow dying as patient zero in the opening scene. Nothing would make me happier.
If the show had been even half as great as Hugh Laurie, I would’ve watched it forever. But, as it is, I gave up two seasons ago.
Sorry, Hugh. I still like you.
I agree, Patty. As much as I enjoy Hugh (and Robert Sean Leonard, for that matter), I had to give up. Hopefully this means he’ll be in more movies…with his real accent.
I was done when Amber died. Maybe they’ll borrow some of AMC’s zombie make-up for tonight.
Kept with it til the end. Was still entertaining.
Roger Sterling is apparently a rich woman on a diet, as he typically drinks clear liquor, not brown.
This is both a fair point and a nice reference, but they’re at a whiskey bar and there is no clear liquor to be found. I know because I made the whole thing up.
I’m not sure why I’ve stayed with House this season. I suppose it’s idle curiosity about how it would end. If they hadn’t announced it was the last season ahead of time I might have been out.
I think the last truly great episode was the two-hour premiere of a couple seasons ago with him in rehab with the lunatics.
Terrible finale.
American Ninja Warrior is the best thing to happen to America since fake titties. And now its gonna be on every week for some awesome summer programming.
Can’t believe the legend Levi Meeuwenberg washed out on the freakin’ first obstacle though. At least Rocket and Brett Steffensen are still around to fly the veteran flag.
Michael Dudikoff “American Ninja”