The Awl asked a bunch of TV people to answer an important question: if you could be any TV character ever, who would you pick? I chose Ralph Wiggum, but that’s only because I wanted to say “imaginary Leprechaun” on the Internet. Who would you chose? At least seven of you will say someone from “Parks and Rec.” (Via)
Have You Seen Daenerys’s Lost Dragons? If So, Call This Number. — (Uproxx)
“Breaking Bad” Seasons 1-4 Chronologically Recapped Most Excellently — (Uproxx)
Germany’s “Forest Boy” is either a real-life Nell or a real-life Impostor — (Film Drunk)
The Best Of The Grand Theft Auto Cop Meme — (Gamma Squad)
Erin Andrews Dances With Vanilla Ice, Learns What It’s Like Having A Roni — (With Leather)
7 Christian Bale Movies To See Before Dark Knight Rises — (Smoking Section)
The Best Comedy Pilots of All Time — (Pajiba)
The 5 Worst Fathers In the Animal Kingdom — (Mental Floss)
7-11′s decision to downsize the Double Gulp had nothing to do with your health — (Death + Taxes)
Dippable meat: The future of fast food? — (The Week)
R. Kelly owes $4.8 million in taxes. Soon to be back in that closet, living there — (Fark)
‘#1 Dad’: At This Revenge BBQ, It’s Bring Your Own Body Bag — (HyperVocal)
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Any of the dudes from Happy Endings, I just want that cast in my life full time.
Well, obviously Alison Brie’s bicycle seat…
/wait, what? Not a “character” you say?
I’ll stick with my original answer, thanks…
This is an unpossible decision: Malcolm Reynolds or Raylan Givens? Probably have to go with Mal for the chance of sleeping with long haired Morena Baccarin, time spent hanging out with Alan Tudyk and not having a father who wants to kill me.
This is a perfect answer.
hhmmm, *ahem* Carla Gugino *ahem*
Sandy Cohen. Too easy.
Sandy Cohen in Mr. Deeds, specifically.
Two Words: Roger Sterling
*drops mic*
Mark Valley’s character on Fringe, he got to let Anna Torv crawl all over him and do her dirty business Exit, stage left. Better jawline than Pacey.
Bunk Moreland. ’nuff said.
Dany, because dragons.
I eat read meat, chug moonshine, and love brown liquor. I AM Ron Swanson.
Who read the meat?
Jon Delocated. The mask covers my receding hairline, AND I get a sweet loft w/ a potato skins bar.
Now that is an inspired answer. Plus you get to take your ladyfriends to the ‘Meat Suite.’
Raylan Givens, without question. You get to bang Ava and Wynona, shoot people with reckless abandon, hang out with Boyd and his hair whenever you want, watch Tim pop dudes in the apricot, and Art is your boss. Also, Dewey Crowe exists.
Game, blouses.
Sterling Archer. Way too easy.
Jaime Lannister – because I’ve always wanted to fuck my sister and defenestrate a child. Oh, and I like dwarves too.
What hand do you jerk off with?
Michael Westen. More of the having impeccable Miami steez, less of the being a burned spy and having people trying to kill you.
Easy. Kevin MacArthur from the League. Relatively wealthy lawyer in Chicago with what I find to be an attractive wife.
Sterling Archer was my first thought. He’s a menace and he gets away with everything while having a great time.
My second thought was donuts. Because someone walked by my desk with donuts.
Clark Kent in Smallville. The show sucked but on the other hand superpowers and Kristin Kreuk so…
Vincent Chase pre-Medellin
with regards to Pajiba’s best drama/comedy pilots… No Veronica Mars? Come on now.
Reason #1)
In over an hour they introduced what was instantly one of the strongest lead female characters ever on tv, a hot high school girl who was emotionally layered, came off as sympathetic to the audience, and who was actually interesting – this apparently is a near impossible feat judging historically.
By the way you find out in an hour – her best friend died, her mom left her, her was dad publicly humiliated, oh and she was raped and she has no idea why or how any of those things happened but isn’t whining or complaining about it, she’s just hellbent on getting justice for all of it … honestly even if you somehow didnt like the pilot, you owed it Rob Thomas to keep watching out of respect for the balls he had to even try to get that pilot on air.
Reason #2 – Kristen Bell
also be any character on tv?
if you’re a guy the answer is Zach Morris
if you’re a girl the answer is Kelly Kapowski
you’re in high school in Southern California with no responsibilities or worries besides The Max might close, you live in a dream bubble of happiness and your soul mate is either Zack Morris or Kelly Kapowski.
At first I was trying to think of the richest and most powerful characters on TV. But responsibility is tiresome.
So I would be Hodor. Ignorant and happy.
Dexter Draper