
It was the unforgettable year of 1992. Rage Against the Machine taught the world to love again; a not-so-young Joe Piscopo played Kelly Stone in the Chuck Norris vehicle, Sidekicks; and Nickelodeon, with assistance from the Kids World Council, buried a time capsule in Universal Studios, with items that were deemed “most important to kids at the time,” according to Mental Floss. It will be opened in 2042, but here are its contents…
-VHS copies of Back to the Future and Home Alone
-CDs of Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em and Michael Jackson’s Dangerous
-Nintendo Game Boy
-Rollerblades and skateboard
-Reebok Pump sneakers
-Jar of Gak
-Joey Lawrence “whoa!” hat
-”News coverage of the AIDS crisis, Desert Storm, and the end of the Soviet Union”
-World Atlas, history book, comic book, phone book, 1992 TV Guide, and Book of Endangered Species
-Nickelodeon magazine and Nicktoons t-shirt featuring Ren and Stimpy
-Piece of the Berlin Wall
-Bunch of random crap: pencils, baseball, Barbie doll, bubblegum, and Twinkies
-Videotape “shot by a girl named Vicky who stood onstage to operate the Kid Cam”
-The camera recording the tape
-”Photos of things too big (or alive) to fit inside.” Corpses, probably
When Hammer becomes the malevolent World Dictator in 2040, Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em is going to seem prophetic. The kids of 1992 were trying to warn us. We should have listened to them, not “Yo! Sweetness.”



You left out the best part! The TV Guide has BURT REYNOLDS on the cover!
I predict
I will die
On April 29
2042
Should have included third base, for me getting to third base. Head-first slide!
“Corpses, probably.”
Completely untrue. However, I heard Alanis tried to bury Dave Coulier alive in there.
Cut. It. Out!
I predict that AIDS will be eradicated in 2042 but, when the time capsule is opened, a wild air-borne strain of super AIDS – captured intricately in the fibres of that “Woah” hat – will eradicate everyone on planet earth except, ironically, Melissa Joan Hart, Pete & Pete and other Nickelodeon stars who will survive due to a natural immunity to the Nickelodeon virus and then the world will have to be repopulated by Alex Mack and Kenan & Kel. Any non-Nickelodeon star who may be immune due to winning a gift bag or appearing on Guts will then be subjected to the wailing and gnashing of Howie Mandel (who by this time is overlord) railing Amanda Bynes. Only what little gak is left can protect their eyes and ears from that sensory onslaught.
This is amazing
THIS
I will be 68 years old when this opened, WTF, Thanks Uproxx
The whole thing is kind of pointless if we know what’s in there and continue to comment on it while it’s still buried.
I hope that piece of the Berlin Wall is somewhat head-shaped and head-sized so that it can wear the “Whoa!” hat and get a supporting role in an Adult Swim show.
yes, yes. wtf?
Just Joey Lawrence’s hat? Why not the whole guy?
*applaudes nickelodeon*
Fantastic Choices.
I’m dying to know which comic book title they chose.
They forgot the lock of Bobby Budnick’s ginger hair.
This is going to be the best starting ‘Fallout’ inventory yet.
I lol’ed.
*applause*
*slow clap becoming standing ovation*
Pretty sure “Vicky” is “Vicky” from Community as a child.
No Zoobooks!? WTF
Oddly, the main thing I took away from this is that Mike O’Mally has lost a LOT of hair. In the time capsule perhaps?
I don’t wanto to be an asshole but one of the comments of that video said
“How did they get the clip from the camera onto this video if they put the camera in there???”
=(
Future Scientists of the year 2042 finally figure out how to operate the antiquated technology known as the black “VHS” box, and discover that there appears to be analog communication from the the advanced race of “Americans” in the past to the World Global United Nabisco Pfizer Canadians of the present! The world gathers together on one epic evening for the Channel 6,759 event, “History: Reborn,” as the analog communication is viewed for all to see….
“Hey Vicky, did you get all that on camera? Good job! Okay, actually we’re gonna take this video camera, and the last thing they’re gonna see on this video tape?”
Vicky: *derp* “…this is a tape!” *derp derp*
(silence) “Uh…okay…”
Citizens of the 2042 Earth commit mass suicide, finally learning that there is no true hope for humanity.
Mike O’Malley! I always wanted to be a participant on GUTS. I wanted a piece of that Agrocrag, dammit. Also, you know that twinkie is going to be edible in 2042. Mmm.
Stefon: Nickelodeon’s hottest time capsule is called Gak. This time capsule has everything. A Back To The Future CD, a Joey Lawrence whoa hat, twinkies, gum…