What is a Slimeball F*ck Weasel? Basically, he is television character who puts his own interests ahead of everyone else’s, even those of his friends, family, and co-workers. The Slimeball F*ck Weasel is seldom the main antagonists in a show: He’s more of the turncoat. The guy who gives up the protagonist. He helps to facilitate the conflict. A Slimeball F*ck Weasel’s loyalty is whoever can help them the most. They’re hustlers, con men, and manipulative bastards. They’re often endearing and fun to hate, but in most instances, hate them you do.
Thus, in honor of Uproxx’s “Mad Men” Season Finale Discussion (head on over) and the top choice on this list, I present, without comment, The Biggest Slimeball F*ck Weasels on TV.
Ryan Howard, “The Office”
Rodney Ruxin, “The League”
Jonah Ryan, “Veep”
Senor Chang, “Community”
Shane Walsh, “The Walking Dead”
Thomas Barrow, “Downton Abbey”
Wynn Duffy, “Justified”
Petyr Baelish, “Game of Thrones”
Pete Campbell, “Mad Men”
Don’t forget to head over to Uproxx’s “Mad Men” Season Finale discussion thread to pore over all of last night’s — and this season’s — events.
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The “Pete Campbell punch face” is starting to rival the “Joffrey slap” in terms of my viewing enjoyment.
With that in mind, how does Joffrey not make this list?
Having now read the description – I know retract my previous statement. Baelish is clearly the better fit for GoT
I was half-expecting just picture after picture of the grimy little pimp himself. Don’t know if anyone can compete with PC on slimeball f*ck-weaselry….
I thought for sure that Dennis Reynolds would be on this.
I nearly included EVERY cast member of “It’s Always Sunny” but decided against it when I couldn’t narrow it down to one.
Nah, Dennis is still by far the worst.
If you hate Wynn Duffy, I will cut you. #TeamAllIDoIsWynn
Wynn Duffy narrowly beats out Dewey Crowe in sheer awesomeness. Hell, the cited .gif alone should be example enough of why he must be adored, not despised.
Jere Burns’ character from Dear John would also make this list. But considering nobody watched it, no big whoop.
Littlefinger is simultaneously a horrible person and a great character.
He may just be my favorite character in the books.
I like that the show is giving him a bigger part. I don’t necessarily like everything they’ve done with him, but he’s such a crafty bastard.
Whenever someone asks me for favorite GoT characters, Littlefinger always makes that list. He’s such a skeeze and I love it (show-wise. Reading book one now)
Without getting too spoiler-y, what he does in the books… could almost be considered masterful.
Jonah was fucking money last night on Veep.
YO FUCK OLIVER FROM THE O.C. FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
preach
Yes, Wynn Duffy is a hustler, a con man, and a manipulative bastard. But he never pretends to be anything other than that. He never pretends to be your friend. If you can make him money, he’ll work with you. If you can’t, you get got. That takes him out of slimeball fuck weasel range for me.
I would probably put Mallory Archer on this list as well.
MALLORY ARCHER IS AWESOME.
Agreed, but she also fits the definition.
Dan is 10x the Slimeball Fuck Weasel that Jonah is.
Agreed. Jonah has a massively inflated ego, but he’s not conniving or manipulative at all. Dan’s a textbook example, even if he’s mostly a protagonist.
Absolutely. Although I think part of the point of the show is that EVERYONE is varying degrees of Slimeball Fuck Weasel. The title character made her Chief of Staff lie about having a miscarriage under threat of firing for fuck’s sake.
It’s Dan. Jonah is to dorky to manipulate anyone.
Correct. Dan is a grade-A weasel, and he’ll sell out Selina the instant he has a chance to get into a better position. Jonah is a jackass, but he doesn’t seem to be disloyal in any way, or even that much of an instigator.
Hazel the intern from “30 Rock” definitely fits the criteria and we need some gender diversity here…but she’s small potatoes compared to many on the list. Her character does suck though.
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! More Hazel (and Hazel’s tits) is EXACTLY what 30 Rock needs.
Needs more LaGuerta
YUP. LaGuerta is the definition of a c*nt
Her cuntiness seems to vary pretty majorly from season to season, but yeah, overall she definitely belongs on this list.
Disagree on Rodney Ruxin. Most of these guys will stab you in the back. Rodney will look you in the eye and stab you right in the gut. He’s also awesome.
Dennis Reynolds? Hello?
Someone obviously just commented without reading the comments…
Joffery and Littlefinger are equally slimy and fucks, thats the only complaint I have.
Lord Baelish treats objects like women…man.
Sterling Archer is the only addition I can think of. Almost every episode centers around his self-centered actions and stunningly myopic responses to crisis situations.
i dont see jimmy pesto from bob’s burgers on the list or the moodie foodie.
Whoa, Baelish over Joffrey? Because seriously, fuck.
Clay Morrow, anyone? He spent all of season four living your definition of a slimeball f-ck weasel.
seconded.
Jean Ralphio?
Nawww, he’s a douche but he’s not disloyal or anything like that. Doesn’t really belong with these others.
Eric Matthews, he went from being a cool, laid back guy to being a obnoxious, full tilt retard. He even kicked out his own brother out of his apartment just to get some pussy.
He also got Cory and Topanga arrested on their wedding day.
You’re way off on Veep. The slimeball is Dan.
Bender
No way. He’s a jerk at worst.
Tough list to expand on. I don’t think anyone I can think of quite qualifies. Boardwalk Empire and Sons of Anarchy are crawling with people who do despicable things to the lead characters, but I’ll be darned if I can find anyone who exactly fits the mold.
I think Joffrey gets his own special place. I just started watching Downton Abbey and I Fing HATE Thomas!
It seems from the pictures at least that slimeball fck weasels can easily recognised by their side-parted haircut
I don’t even watch “Mad Men” and I HATE Pete Campbell
Ditto.
Not a single mention of Gob Bluth? COME ON! You’ve made a huge mistake.
George and Lucille fit the bill very well too. Too hard to pick just one.
I don’t think that Shane of Walking Dead is a total Slimeball. He generally had the interest of the group in mind, and was a stronger leader than Rick. So what if he banged his friends wife 36 times, they thought he was dead. Still, great list!
How the fuck did Shane make this list over Lori? Lori is the woooorrrrsst.
Ruxin is way to low
I don’t think they’re ranked.
You forgot every single regular Fox “news” anchor.
What does it say about me that all of these assholes also happen to be my favorite characters on their respective shows? Well, except for Chang, but I think everyone hates Chang.