Dallas (TNT) — Did anyone realize that the original “Dallas” ran all the way up until 1991? This continuation picks up 20 years later, with Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy reprising their roles as new family rivalries surface over secret oil drilling. Brenda Strong is in this, who you may remember as Sue Ellen Mischke on “Seinfeld” and Sally on “Sports Night.” That’s all I got. It’s summer, and there’s another 12 more weeks of Wednesdays in which I’m going to need to thin of something to say about this goddamn show.
Duets (ABC) — I haven’t seen “Duets” yet because “Duets” is a singing competition, and I don’t like singing competitions, and I don’t want to have to admit that I don’t like something that stars John Legend because John Legend is awesome. See Also: Ben Folds, “Sing Off.”
Top 100 Hooks (Fuse) — Unfortunately, this is not a show about the world’s best prostitutes, it’s about “tunes with the top beats and riffs.” “Sweet Child O’ Mine” or GTFO.
Royal Pains/Necessary Roughness (USA Network) — It really is the dark days of summer when these are probably the best scripted programming options you have tonight. At least “Suits” returns tomorrow night.
Celebrities at Home (HGTV) — Tonight’s episodes a look inside the home of Paula Deen. SPOILER: Her house is made of Crisco and lies. (UPDATE – This is on tomorrow night. You are very welcome for the 24-hour notice.)
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Adam Sandler will be BOBBITTY-BOOing on Letterman; Jay Leno will meet his match in the obnoxious department when Terry Bradshaw drops by; Ed Norton is on Kimmel to not talk about The Hulk; Ellen Page (where did she go?) is on Ferguson; Lena Dunham drops by Fallon; and Maggie Gyllenhaal will stop by “The Daily Show” to talk about her vibrator comedy, Hysteria.
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I refuse to believe that is anything but a CGI simulation of Larry Hagman. Dude’s had more work done than Fenway Park.
I tried to watch The Sing-Off a couple of times, just because I love Ben Folds. He’s really funny and insightful and just generally entertaining.
The rest of the show? Not so much.
Why are they in the shower? Is this photo shopped or an actual ad>?
That’s just how people shower in Dallas.
I assume the abs of the guy on the left are shopped, or else I guess he’s got a segmented thorax.
The shower is a reference to the famous scene where Patrick Duffy’s character who had been dead for a bit was really alive and it was all just a dream. The first time he was seen alive again was in the shower. I know. Really dumb.
I lived the majority of my adult life in Dallas, so people always ask me if the city is just like the show (even though I was eight when the show’s first run ended).
Yeah, but is it?
That Celebrities at Home shit isn’t on until tomorrow night. I mentioned it to my Mom on the phone and when she couldn’t find it I actually had to look it up myself. What the hell Dustin?
Fixed. Kind of.
Is that Alison Brie on the right?
Victoria Principal did not want any part of the new version. Must be all those movie scripts she’s been offered and has to go through takes all her time.
How can that be Dallas? There isn’t one obese person in that shower!
WYNN DUFFY ON BURN NOTICE! WYNN DUFFY ON BURN NOTICE! WIN DUFFY ON BURN NOTICE!
That is all.