America’s Got Talent (NBC) — Two hour special. That’s TWO HOURS, people. It’s like a talent contest for the viewers: Who has enough endurance to withstand two hours of a lousy talent competition? There’s a reason why the Gong Show was only half an hour.
Soul Man (TV Land) — After it debuted to the network’s second highest-ratings ever, I thought I’d check out this sitcom — which stars Cedric the Entertainer — to see what all the fuss was about. I watched long enough to find out it was a laugh-track sitcom, which is to say, about 12 seconds. That was all I needed.
Twintervention (TLC) — I recently became the Dad of identical twin girls — which is what this docu-series is about, only these sets of twins are insane (it’s on TLC, duh) — and you know what the worst part is? Suddenly, Coors Light beer commercials make me squeamish. I’m completely ruined now.
So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — This is the not-worst reality competition on television, and really, you know who loves this show? Kids. That’s not a criticism, I mean: Eight-year-old girls love this show, and there are worse things they could be watching. Like “Glee.”
Futurama (Comedy Central) — “Futurama” goes ripped-from-the-headlines from 2008 with their episode tonight: “Leela manages a campaign for a presidential candidate whose birth certificate is mysteriously missing.” Somehow, I suspect “Futurama” will satirize the parody, turn it on its head, make it earnest, and then make you cry. If it doesn’t work, just watch “Jurassic Bark” again. Then you can weep yourself to sleep.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Charming Potato is on Dave to plug Magic Mike; Mila Kunis is on Leno; Matt LeBlanc is on Kimmel while his “Friends” co-star, Lisa Kudrow, is on Ferguson; Aaron Sorkin is on Fallon (how like before Sorkin talks down to him?); and Spider-Man Andrew Garfield will be on “The Daily Show.”