Here are five steps to birthing a list: 1) Find something current (Breaking Bad). 2) Isolate something within it. ("I Am the One Who Knocks.") 3) Categorize it. (Bad-Ass Brag Lines). 4) Find as many other examples as possible. 5) Rank.
This one, I admit, was more fun than most, although you'd think that Bad-Ass Brag Lines were far more common in decent television shows than they are. But, it takes chutzpah to pull it off. To do it well, you have to be able to note your achievements or make a threat without sounding arrogant. Therefore, the best brag-lines typically come from mythical type characters, those who can brag of their prowess, ability, or achievements without alienating the viewers by sounding conceited. The best brag-lines typically elicit the following response: F**k. Yes.
The concept is easier to show than to tell. Therefore, without further ado, here are Television's 12 Most Bad-Ass Brag Lines.
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I prefer the 11th Doctor’s
“Hello. I’m the Doctor. Basically…run.”
and for the more long winded.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you? There’s one thing you never put in a trap — if you’re smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow — there’s one thing you never — ever, put in a trap. … Me.”
A+ for Laura Roslin and Crabman.
As for GoT, Cersei’s whole “power is power” speech was pretty damn badass, too.
I’ve always preferred Admiral Adama’s side of the conversation during the showdown with Admiral Cain. It’s made even better by the fact that “Prelude to War” is the single best piece of music Bear McCreary has ever composed.
Nobody does “Authority so badass you WILL shit your pants if he’s pissed at you” quite like Edward James Olmos.
Fuck you, clown.
I can’t wait for the list of Top 10 Warming Glow lists.
The mediocrity will be reaction inducing
I don’t quite know what this list is supposed to be but you left out Sam Donavan’s threat at the network executives:
“The first and last decision-making authority on this show will rest with Isaac Jaffee until Isaac Jaffee says otherwise, and if you disrespect him in my presence again, I will rededicate the rest of my life to ruining the rest of yours. And if you think I’m just mouthing at you, you should ask around about me. I have absolutely no conscience about these things. ”
It was so good that Will McAvoy copied it on Newsroom this past Sunday.
the tenth doctor line is okay but the 11th had a better one. From The Pandorica Opens:
“Come on! Look at me! No plan, no back-up, no weapons worth a damn! Oh, and something else I don’t have: Anything to lose! So, if you’re sitting up there in your silly, little spaceship with all your silly, little guns, and you’ve got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who’s standing in your way! Remember every black day I ever stopped you and then, and then, do the smart thing: Let somebody else try first.”
“I’m just a humble motherfucker with a big dick”
Best brag line I have ever heard
Hey, Rome made the list!
Bunk Moreland: I’m just a humble muthafucka with a big ass dick.
You Give yourself too much credit
Okay then. I ain’t all that humble
Jaime Lannister “There are no men like me. Only me!”
[www.youtube.com]
I preferred Dany’s line about how anyone who fucks with her people “will die screaming”.
“I don’t recognize your bullshit MC.”
They’re a ton from the West Wing but when Pres. Bartlett tears into the Dr. Laura simulacrum and ends with, “One last thing. While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the ignorant tight-ass club, in this building when the President stands, nobody sits.”
Drogo should be on here instead of Dany.
Drogo: I will not have your body burned. I will not give you that honor. The beetles will feed on your eyes. The worms will crawl through your lungs. [dodges several blows] The rain will fall on your rotting skin until nothing is left of you but bones.
Mago: First you have to kill me! [attacks Drogo again]
Drogo: I already have! [Drogo slices open Mago's throat, then shoves his hand in the wound and tears Mago's tongue out from its base]
Khal Drogo had some anger management issues.
I dunno, he managed to be pretty angry without help.
That scene is mostly badass because of the interaction, less so the words themselves. Witness: “Come at me bro”. See… he still rules. Ruled. RIP Drago.
It’s my favorite scene from the show outside of chicks bein’ nekkid. I get a boner when I think about a Tyrion Lannister/Khal Drogo buddy cop movie.
I was getting worried you were going to disrespect Omar, then I got to #12 and all was right in the world. Although I can’t think of any at the moment (and am too lazy to search), there have got to be good brag lines from Justified characters that were missed.
I was thinking about that too, but I couldn’t come up with any. Lots of bad-ass lines, but not too many brags. I imagine at some point, Quarles must have had something.
Gotta imagine Boyd Crowder has some good ones too. All quiet and menacing-like.
Like, Omar was badass and all, but he got shot in the head by an 8-year old.
“You make me pull, I put you down.”
Just had to include the pants-shitting scare at the end didn’t you…
I think you forgot this one:
Good cop and bad cop have left for the day. I’m a different kind of cop. – Vic Mackey
You could have at least cited the shows that you pulled the lines from. Most people have never even heard of Terriers, not to mention Donal Logue…
^ This
“I’m better than okay, I’m Homer Simpson.”
Frank “Grimey” Grimes
Carl Brutananadilewski: “I don’t need no instructions to know how to rock!”
Gotta add some Justified. For reals
You SIT DOWN when you pee!
-Tyree
No, “The next one’s coming faster.”? Shame. SHAME!!!
He later admitted (in a subsequent episode) that he stole that from…. I wanna say a Clint Eastwood movie or something. So it’s not really an original. Nor is it really bragging.
Sorry but the best is this:
[24.media.tumblr.com]
Yes. Yes it is.
How could you forget Chalkie White in Boardwalk Empire?
“Well, I ain’t buildin’ no damn bookcase…”
Definitely this.
Also, Tyrion: “A day will come when you will think yourself safe and happy and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth and you will know the debt is paid”. I pretty much creamed, so..
From Mad Men-
Beatnik: How do you sleep at night?
Don: On a bed made of money.
From Deadwood-
Bullock: I’ll motherfuck you AND I’ll blow your head off.
I’m going old school:
“Well, I don’t think our maker wants to hear from me right now. Because he know I’m going to go out in this plane and I’m going to remove one of His creations from His universe. And when I get back, I’m going to drink a bottle of scotch as if it was Chiggy Von Richtofen’s blood and celebrate his death.” – Lt Col. McQueen
Mad Men’s Don Draper could have his own list.
“If you had a job… what would you do?”
“I pity you, you know that right?”
“I don’t think about you at all.”
I would quote something from Spartacus but I cant recall anything specific, just a lot of quotes about cock.
I’ve noticed spartacus doesnt get a lot of coverage on uproxx, is it a friday night curse thing? Too much competion from mad men and game of thrones
Or am I destined to go on likeing something for years that everyone else thinks sucks?