WWE Raw (USA, 8 p.m.) — Tonight is the 1,000th episode of Raw. That means appearances from The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and John Cena in St. Louis, and Mr. Belding and Action Bronson on With Leather. Yes, you read right: everyone’s favorite Bayside High principal/MC and a rapper who’s worked with Ghostface and released one of 2012′s best mixtapes will be yakking about wrestling over at our sexy sister site. Here, go now you.
The Closer (TNT, 9 p.m.) — MY GOD. I bet the Closer’s going to be all like, “HEY, I’m closing here” tonight. *points at groin*
Bachelor Pad (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. What happens when you put former contestants from, as well as super fans of, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette into a single mansion? I dunno.
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. “The team’s only hope is racing to the other side of the Earth to hunt down an obscure and dangerous artifact.” The show’s set in South Dakota, which means the other side of the Earth is located in the middle of the Indian Ocean. AND THEY’RE CRAZY ENOUGH TO DO IT.
Flubber (HBO Family, 7 p.m.) — F*ck it. I’m watching Flubber.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Will Ferrell and Rufus Wainwright on Letterman; Vince Vaughn on Leno; Ben Stiller on Kimmel; George Hamilton and Julie Gonzalo on Ferguson; Matthew McConaughey, Carla Gugino, and R. Kelly on Fallon; Kevin Nealon and Tig Notaro on Conan; Fareed Zakaria on Stewart; and Mike Tyson on Colbert.
CLASSIC Flubber. (Via)