WWE Raw (USA, 8 p.m.) — Tonight is the 1,000th episode of Raw. That means appearances from The Rock, Brock Lesnar, and John Cena in St. Louis, and Mr. Belding and Action Bronson on With Leather. Yes, you read right: everyone’s favorite Bayside High principal/MC and a rapper who’s worked with Ghostface and released one of 2012′s best mixtapes will be yakking about wrestling over at our sexy sister site. Here, go now you.
The Closer (TNT, 9 p.m.) — MY GOD. I bet the Closer’s going to be all like, “HEY, I’m closing here” tonight. *points at groin*
Bachelor Pad (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Season premiere. What happens when you put former contestants from, as well as super fans of, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette into a single mansion? I dunno.
Warehouse 13 (Syfy, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. “The team’s only hope is racing to the other side of the Earth to hunt down an obscure and dangerous artifact.” The show’s set in South Dakota, which means the other side of the Earth is located in the middle of the Indian Ocean. AND THEY’RE CRAZY ENOUGH TO DO IT.
Flubber (HBO Family, 7 p.m.) — F*ck it. I’m watching Flubber.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Will Ferrell and Rufus Wainwright on Letterman; Vince Vaughn on Leno; Ben Stiller on Kimmel; George Hamilton and Julie Gonzalo on Ferguson; Matthew McConaughey, Carla Gugino, and R. Kelly on Fallon; Kevin Nealon and Tig Notaro on Conan; Fareed Zakaria on Stewart; and Mike Tyson on Colbert.
CLASSIC Flubber. (Via)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/679/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/GRACIE-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/grimm-tv-show-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Abigail-Spencer-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/florida-stanley-150x150.png)
He better break out his immortal line: “Hey hey hey! What is going on here?”
So many saved-by-the-ringbell jokes! I mean there’s… well… okay, just that one.
Your mobile website is fucking’ terrible, uproxx.
Is it wrong to like Warehouse 13 because, cheesey and derivative though it is, it offers a fundamentally positive view of a world full of wonder?
Okay, in that case I like it because of Allison Scagliotti.
Warehouse 13 is like that irrepressibly cheerful and friendly dork that really likes *you*, so it’s pretty difficult to actively dislike them, even when they’re being juvenile and annoying.
But yeah, Allison Scagliotti has a unique appeal. Plus, she was on Party Down, which is worth a few hundred cool points.
I really like Warehouse 13 for the same reasons. I also just noticed that the second season premier of Alphas was tonight. I thought the first season was stellar.
…and released one of 2012′s best mixtapes…
Is is better than the Ultimate Neuromancer Mixtape that *I* released this year? Probably. But if you’re a William Gibson fan, you might like it.
Bad day to break out a mobike website.
Mike Tyson on Colbert?
Oh, he cancelled early. Josh, whats with you and accuracy?