As I’m sure you all know, the Closing Ceremony of the 2012 Olympics was last night. Josh already touched on NBC’s infuriating decision to bump The Who’s performance back so they could show the premiere of Animal Practice (aka OMIGOD YOU GUYS, A MONKEY: The TV Show) over on the mothership, but I’d like to talk for a second about the Ceremony’s other big event: the Spice Girls reuniting. Their performance isn’t embeddable because NBC is a bunch of stupid idiots with butts for brains, but you can watch it here. Three things jumped out at me when I was watching it live: 1) It was actually pretty good; 2) Riding around a packed stadium on top of a taxi looks like a blast, and; 3) The Spice Girls look exactly the same as they did in 1998. Like, to the point it was almost creepy.
I will now rank the Spice Girls from best to worst:
- Ginger Spice – Geri Halliwell always struck me as a fun lady.
- Posh Spice – Victoria Beckham seems like the kind of person who has thrown a vase or two in her day, and I honestly think if she tried to smile her lips would split open because they’re not used to bending that way. Related: I love her.
- Scary Spice – There is one black member of the Spice Girls, and they named her “Scary.” This is very racist, yes?
- Baby Spice – “So I’m thinking we’ll have one of them be a baby, but, like, a sexy baby, you know?” – A real person, apparently. Ew.
- Sporty Spice – If there’s one thing we can all be sure of, it’s that she definitely does not regret getting that tribal armband tattoo. Nope. Not at all. Also, Pink pretty much lifted her entire “sneering lady who wears windpants and kicks people and stuff” shtick, and I think she should consider suing her.
I’m glad we settled that. Here is a GIF of Victoria Beckham refusing to dance.
GIF via
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/baby-spice-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/cat-olympics-Nicholas-Longtin-01-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/07/gammasquadcavemangames28-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Computer-Nerd-150x150.jpg)
I’m glad to see Posh wore the little gucci dress.
Spice World Reference! Spice World Reference!!!!
“There is one black member of the Spice Girls, and they named her “Scary.” This is very racist, yes?”
splendid.
Katy Perry was able to build an entire career based on acting like Baby Spice.
This made me so happy, y’all. “Spice Up Your Life” is the best.
Also, I’ve seen Victoria Beckham interviewed when she’s not being Posh Spice, and she actually seems fun. It’s weird, yet true.
Am I racist because I’d put Baby Spice at #3 over Scary?
Just don’t put her in a corner.
Went to see Spice World on ditch day in high school. Fuck, I’m old.
Cheer up Vince. I was 4 years out of college when that movie came out.
I saw it in the $1 theater and when one other person walked into the theater, my friend next to me said out loud “Great, now I have to put my pants back on.”
Fuck you, Vince. I saw The Golden Child.
Same here. I REGRET NOTHING!
Saw A New Hope (the one where Han shoots first) in the theatre. Game, set, match, nerds.
High School? I remember that shit in College. In related news Sorority Girls have awful taste in music.
Wait, how could one person see this while in high school and another person see it while in college? Shenanigans!
It’s perfectly simple, Taco. DevilDinosaur was a child genius, and went to college a few years early in between building a giant robot DevilDinosaur and cloning himself an excitable ape-man minion.
Either that or Danger got himself held back a couple of years so he could mack on High School chicks.
I worked for an electronics store in 1997. In the warehouse we had the hip-hop station on the radio. One day for fun I decided to mark on the chalkboard every time the radio station played “Wannabe”. From 7am-4pm…17 goddamn times.
Almost couldn’t masturbate to a picture of Baby Spice that night.
Ah, 1997, when you had to masturbate to one picture because it took 5 minutes to download another one.
Posh is still the best, I’m a sucker for brunettes.
I was excited to see the Spice Girls, yet shaking my head when One Direction came on. Does this make me a hypocrite? Or do teenage girls just like to look at One Direction and find their music awful?
There will always be a debate as to who everyone’s favorite Spice Girl is, but Sporty Spice will always be the worst.
/Scary Spice 4 Life
I 2nd this motion. Scary Spice is my #1 shorty.
I don’t know, I always thought Sporty seemed kind of nasty. Plus, when I was a teenager Baby Spice was the fat childish one.
One of my close friends used to bodyguard Scary Spice, said her hubby was a mean little douche but she was awesome and super nice.
And also like a thousand times hotter in person.
Yeah, Sporty is the worst. I haven’t seen any close-ups of her recently, but I seem to remember her having a gold incisor in her mouth, which I found quite off-putting indeed. Of course the tats and the overall persona aren’t very appealing either.
You know what these BBQ ribs need? More spice. Can someone grind up some baby for me?
wow…that’s exactly how I rank them. Too eerie….though I do miss Ginger being a little thicker…and ginger.
Scary Spice > Ginger Spice in 2012. Scary Spice’s body is amazing.
Ginger Spice > everyone circa ’97.
90′s Rankings
1. Posh
2. Baby
3. Scary
4. Ginger (I’m sorry, but corsets make EVERYONE look bad)
5. Sporty
2012 Rankings
1, Ginger
2. Baby
3. Posh
4. Scary
5. Sporty
Ginger Spice has made quite the comeback, especially since she’s the oldest of them. The corsets made her look like a fat chick trying to look thin. Especially with all the waterweight spilling out over the top.
Maybe it’s embedded in my genes to always go for the underdog, but for me Sporty was always #1. She actually is the strongest vocalist of the five, and even after all those disgusting weight/sexuality rumors, she bounced back real nice, had a pretty decent solo career and has looked gorgeous for the last couple of years. Also; Never Be The Same Again with Left-Eye Lopez.
Haha. Listen to you chumps discussing The Spice Girls like they mean something. GIRLS ALOUD 4EVA
*Sassy 90′s snaps around the face* Say what you want about Sporty, she is the only one who can actually sing. Carries the whole group musically. Scary looked so fierce, I loved it. And Victoria Beckham is a sour puss, as usual. Blaaaah.
I’d let Sporty kick me in the face, that’s for sure.
Ginger’s clearly number 1 because I saw naked pictures of her once. And they were glorious.
Ginger would be better if she’d stick with the orange hair
I could never rank Posh #1 until we find out what’s been crammed up her but all these years. [please say dildo, please say dildo]