What’s On Tonight: ‘Hard Knocks’ And Bupkis

Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Miami Dolphins (HBO) – Season premiere. As the astute among you may have pieced together from the title, this season of HBO’s excellent NFL reality show will focus on the Miami Dolphins. The woman in the banner picture is named Lauren Tannehill, and she is the wife of Dolphins rookie quarterback Ryan Tannehill. Methinks the producers will go to great lengths to see what she’s up to while her hubby is chucking footballs around South Florida in a bright red pinny.

The L.A. Complex/Pretty Little Liars (The CW/ABC Family) – A little while back I decided that — despite airing on different networks and having different titles and casts — these two programs are actually the same show. It has not affected my quality of life in the least.

The Olympics (NBC) – Last night on Twitter, the terrific @netw3rk noted that a reality show about high-level gymnastics would be amazing, because they all so clearly hate each other. I concur. It would basically be Mean Girls with backflips.

Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution (BBC) – “HURR DURR DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO EAT THIS IS ‘MURRICA I’M FREE TO EAT ALL THE JUNK FOOD I WANT THESE COLORS DON’T RUN.” [gets diabetes at 30] [suffers first of five heart attacks at 37] [becomes uninsurable] [is a catastrophic drain on the health care system] [fights all forms of health care reform as though they walked right up to him and called his mother a whore]

Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles/Love Broker (Bravo) – Everyone on these shows is terrible and it would be OK with me if they were all sad more often.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Rachael Ray is on Ferguson, Lisa Kudrow and Breaking Bad showrunner Vince Gilligan are on Conan, and everyone else is in repeats. Get some sleep.