Annie or Britta? Winona or Ava? Margaery or Daenerys? These are the kinds of questions that have dogged Warming Glow readers for weeks, if not months, if not YEARS. This feuding, which is much more important than that President thing, must end. This post takes 10 of the most polarizing "who's more attractive" debates on TV right now, and settles them once and for all. I've given my opinions for each choice and there's a poll at the bottom of every page, too, so you all can vote on the question that has dogged mankind for LITERALLY hours: Jess or Cece.
Mad Men's Betty Draper (January Jones) vs. Megan Draper (Jessica Paré)
Pros for Betty: Knows her way around a gun; enjoys a good Bugle when she sees one; has an awesome daughter and two totally anonymous sons; isn't above giving you a lock of her hair if you ask nicely; might slap you, if that's your thing; looks a lot like that woman from American Wedding.
Pros for Megan: Great dancer; knows how to speak French, which just works, y'know; makes a mean plate of spaghetti; her mom is Julia Ormond, so you have that to look forward to; once said "tits can be funny"; isn't above cleaning the house in her underwear; LOVES the Beatles; isn't afraid to tell Don how it is; isn't Betty.
The winner is: Megan Draper, and not just because of Fat Betty. It's because of:
Game of Thrones' Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) vs. Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer)
Pros for Daenerys: DRAGONS; is respected by (some of) the Dothraki; enjoys the companionship of fellow attractive females; might one day rule the Seven Kingdoms; can walk in and out of fire, which is probably helpful for something; don't care 'bout no warlocks; appreciates good grammar; isn't a picky eater, so if all you have to munch on is a horse heart...; DRAGONS, again.
Pros for Margaery: Down with letting you sleep with another dude; loves grisly violence; part of the family that owns one of the largest regions of the Seven Kingdoms, the Reach; knows what "they" say about people from the REACH, and it's totally accurate; can get you close enough to Joffrey that you can slap him; often looks like an ice cream cone; has the "best laugh ever."
The winner: Sure, the constant shouting about dragons would eventually drive you insane, but the winner here is Daenerys. First off, she hates Joffrey, which is always a plus, but she's also more of an actual person than Margaery, who too often throws her own happiness away for the sake of playing a part in an elaborate set-up. Dany, on the other hand, is a total badass who does what she wants, isn't afraid to play dirty, and has a cool nickname. You gotta respect that. Also, and this can't be stated enough: MOTHERF*CKING DRAGONS.
The League's Jenny MacArthur (Katie Aselton) vs. Shivakamini Somakandarkram (Janina Gavankar)
Pros for Jenny: Loves fantasy football; made it to the Shiva Bowl in only her second season; curses like a very attractive sailor; is married to Kevin, so you'll have no problem winning her from him; enjoys a good streaking adventure from time to time.
Pros for Shivakamini: Is a doctor; has a trophy named after her; you'll always have a good story to strangers when you show them Shiva's high school photo versus what she looks like now; has a fun name to Shiva Blast; gets naked a lot on True Blood, which I realize is a completely different show, but still seems important to say.
The winner: Shivakamini. You're immediately disqualified if you wear a Brian Urlacher jersey.
Doctor Who's Rose Tyler (Billie Pipper) vs. Amy Pond (Karen Gillan)
Pros for Rose: To quote some anonymous guy on Yahoo! Answers, the Internet's go-to website for all things Doctor Who, "Rose Tyler had that kind of ditsy, slutty demeanor and appearance and came the closest to a love affair with the Doctor in the history of the show."
Pros for Amy: To quote some anonymous guy on Yahoo! Answers, the Internet's go-to website for all things Doctor Who, "Amy Pond, hands down, is the hottest companion ever. She doesn't add much to the show as far as character, but it's early yet. We'll see." Well, we have seen, and Amy Pond has become as solid a companion as any in the history of the show. She's ballsy, funny, and loyal.
The winner: Put it this way: I recently revealed my "Celebrity List," a.k.a. the three celebrities I'd most want to sleep with, to a group of (creepy, perverted) friends, and there was only one redhead on the list. I'm a simple man, and Amy, the Doctor's fearless companion, looks like the kind of woman who will come stumbling to your hotel door in the wee hours of the night. Oh wait.
Happy Endings' Alex Kerkovich (Elisa Cuthbert) vs. Penny Hartz (Casey Wilson) vs. Jane Kerkovich (Eliza Coupe)
Pros for Alex: Knows how to put away meat like a champ, which isn't a double entendre; buys penis cakes for her friends; gets off on crushing bones because she can destroy life; causes double takes when she's dressed like Marilyn Monroe; is a Three's Company roleplayer in her spare time; owns her own store; wonderful dancer.
Pros for Penny: Speaks Italian when she's drunk; goes all-out for Halloween; Megan Mullally is her mom, so in my imagination, Nick Offerman is her father; will sport the Rachel for one episode next season; comes up with a-mah-zing catchphrases; makes for an oddly sexy hipster; to quote DanceGrooves, "Alex is cute and Jane is hot as hell, but Penny is the girl I could see myself settling down with. Thick girls with tremendous boobs with always have a place in my heart…..shaped bed"; wonderful dancer.
Pros for Jane: I can't do it. I like Brad too much. They deserve to throw money in the air together for the rest of their lives.
The winner: Call me old fashioned, but I love me a woman slathered in barbecue sauce.
Archer's Lana Kane (Aisha Tyler) vs. Cheryl Tunt (Judy Greer)
Pros for Lana: Excellent at her job...killing people; interracial adult films connoisseur; you'd never not laugh at responding to her questions with "YUP," even if the answer is "dear God no"; doesn't make you feel weird for being attracted to a cartoon character because she closely resembles Aisha Tyler.
Pros for Cheryl: Owns an ocelot; likes IT disturbingly rough; comes from a wealthy family; hates "germ factories," a.k.a. babies, as much as I do; you could take her to ALL the elegant dinner parties.
The winner: Pam.
Justified's Ava Crowder (Joelle Carter) vs. Winona Hawkins (Natalie Zea)
Pros for Ava: Looks like the kind of woman you imagined you'd end up with if you grew up in the middle of nowhere; tough as nails; includes "watched over prostitutes" on her resume; smart businesswoman; will keep you in line by shooting you if you dare even attempt to abuse her; gives the best "aw hell nah" face; KABONG.
Pros for Winona: I dunno, smells nice, probably? #teamava
The winner: Not only would I never choose Winona, who gets into too much trouble of her own doing and then asks Raylan to bail her out, I also wouldn't EVER go against this:
New Girl's Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel) vs. Cece Meyers (Hannah Simone)
Pros for Jess: Owns the best outfits; writes Nancy Drew fan-fiction, which is probably a pro for someone out there; lives with three of the best roommates ever; loves An American Tail; good singer who mercifully doesn't sing as much as she used to; True American pro; thinks the perfect man is Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men, so you won't have much to live up to; hotter than her sister, Emily.
Pros for Cece: Um...
The winner: Jess is for boys; Cece is for men. The winner depends on how you see yourself. (The correct answer is Cece.)
True Blood's Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer) vs. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgård)
This entry comes courtesy of Almie Rose, who is awesome and someone you should follow on Twitter. She likes The Simpsons more than you.
Pros for Bill: reminiscent of Luke Perry's Dylan McKay; believes that chivalry isn't dead even though he is; "SOOKEH"; thinks "Fangtasia" is a funny pun...that's adorable!; contributed to the hottest sex scene on the show, when he and Sookie had sex on her bedroom floor after defeating whatever evil fucking bullshit thing they dealt with that week; "southern" accent; will love you forever.
Pros for Eric: abs you could tap dance on; managed to avoid dying in a freak gasoline fight; is a real charmer when he isn't being himself; always has a good comeback, even in the face of death; looks great without a shirt, and is courteous enough not to wear one unless absolutely necessary; I have to mention those abs again.
The winner: Once a great show, True Blood is now like that friend you had in middle school who was so full of promise but turned into a drug addicted dropout who trades handjobs for adderall. It's that bad. I come back for Bill and Eric, but I stay for Bill. I just love an older man trying to suppress a British accent. He's got that classic, "I could be an English professor at an Ivy League University and then f*ck you in the library after it closes because I have my own key because I flirt with the librarians" look. Maybe it helps that he and Anna Paquin are a real life couple because when I see them on screen together, I see just how tender and loving he really is. Also, the Luke Perry thing.
Community's Annie Edison (Alison Brie) vs. Britta Perry (Gillian Jacobs)
Pros for Annie: Penis sculptor; star of the greatest GIF ever; excellent rapper; even better dancer; paintball pro; smokes weed with Ron Swanson; likes to gasp.
Pros for Britta: I could list a lot of pros, some of which are below, but I'll keep it to one for this section: she pronounces "bagel" as "baggle," which is just the most adorable thing ever.
The winner: Gillian Jacobs. Look, I get it: Alison Brie means as much to Warming Glow as corgis (that's more of a compliment than it sounds), but — and please forgive the blasphemy — Community sometimes plays her up baby-doll sexuality a little much. Ninety-nine percent of the time, that's fine and dandy, but...it's just that extra one percent. Besides, she's often too pure. Britta, on the other hand, is not only the show's strongest character, but also its most secretly sexual, and that under-the-radar kinkiness (think of her fondness for spanking — plus, her sarcasm would keep you challenged) puts her over the top.
Britta, for once, you are the best.
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Some “Sophie’s Choice” type of dilemmas here.
Personally, when in doubt I pick the brunette.
hear hear!
NOBODY prefers Betty to Megan. Come on.
Based on all the BBW porn I’ve heard about on this here intent thingy, I can believe there’s a given percentage of self-loathers who might just support such a proposition. Plus, gay trolls.
uh…italy episode.
but, still…team megan.
Once again, let me put forward my theory that Fat Betty is a subtle nod to Archer and that they are turning Betty into Pam Poovey.
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Have to agree with you on Britta. If it’s Brie vs. Jacobs, Brie wins in a landslide, but if you’re talking about the characters Britta is definitely hotter.
I agree, In the last season Britta seemed hotter to me for some reason. But if you go by the actors, Alison would win hands down.
Annie is the type of girl you take home to your parents. Britta is the kind of girl you shag all night while your both high as a kite.
Here here
“How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm, after they seen Pammy?”
No way I’m picking that whiny mother of dragons over the sex machine that is Mags Tyrell
The Tyrell wench is a virgin.
@Alcoholics – so she says. I have a raven that tells me different
Ravens are all liars.
YES. Danny won’t even give it up to Mormont, who has saved her ass time and time again. Mags seems a tad more “grateful”.
Team Ygritte
Ygritte beats em both in a landslide. You know, GoT has so many amazing women on it, you’d need to do a seeded tournament just to make it fair … hint hint
I know I’d be pulling for Team Sansa in that tourn…. (door is kicked in, JCSK is dragged away by cops)
Thanks for taking the heat off JCSK. More Arya for me.
Mags for the win, all the way.
The fascination with Ygritte, I don’t understand at all. There’s a fine line between redhead and ginger in my book, and Ygritte definitely falls under the latter category.
I have to give it to Melissandre, sexy witch, great boobs, who doesn’t like a good fuck by the fire on a convoluted table amirite?
Just remember to wear a condom, you wouldn’t want to support THAT child.
I don’t think you can go wrong with Winona or Ava. Ava will run your criminal empire for you when you’re in jail. Winona will steal money from evidence lock ups and hide your supposed murder weapon against her other ex-husband and probably won’t shoot you while eating dinner….Maybe stay away from both and go with the sexy bartender who works below your apartment
#TeamBartender !!!
In addition to the reasons stated, Daenerys cannot get pregnant while Margaery is actively trying to get pregnant. So Daenerys should win that one in a landslide.
I voted for Eric. I feel pregnant.
I mean, no homo, but of COURSE you voted for Eric.
I’d vote for Eric and I’m a girl who doesn’t want to bang him. He just doesn’t do it for me. I’m sure he’s seriously depressed over this fact.
I’m sorry, but Eric >>>>>>>> Bill, every single time. I don’t care how terrible that show gets; Eric is a VIKING VAMPIRE.
Also, super hot.
I can agree with this. The man has constant “Fuck Me” eyes… not that I notice that sort of thing… uuhh… GO FOOTBAWL!
G Jacobs > Brie
exactly, when you see Gillian in interviews she’s just so genuine, professional and sweet plus she’s gorgeous and Bries sexy-nerd pandering is getting tiresome
Speaking ill of Alison Brie is blasphemy on this website. Begone!
Oh, Britta’s in this?
Yes, Alison Brie is cute but anyone that doesn’t find Jacobs hot is retarded!
You said it, Watanabex.
Mentioning “classy dinner parties” was enough to get me to vote for Cheryl.
Yup, that’s what did it…
*prints out Warming Glow mention. Posts it up on breakroom wall. Patiently waits for accolades from co-workers.*
Amelia Pond. The girl who waited.
Only 8 other people picked Rose? C’MON!
Leaving out Downton Abbey’s – Mary vs. Anna is a border-line travesty!
Britta>Annie
Alison>Gillian
And whoever didn’t vote for Pam can go drown a toddler in my panties.
justified…team waitress.
Mothers choosing which child to save from a burning building don’t go through this much trauma. I’m taking the afternoon off, these votes drained me (HEY-O!)
Wait — you had a redhead as a one of your three celebrities, and it WASN’T Christina Hendricks? What’s happened to this place?!?!?
Toughest one for me to decide was for one show I don’t watch. Since it can sometimes be a hanging offense to not watch what everyone else does, I’ll not say which one it was.
I didn’t even know who he was referring to when he said CeCe and Jess in the first paragraph.
^ neither did I, but Cece it is
My fantasy football team is called “Betty Draper Whinebag” for a reason. Megan all day every day.
Dragon or Direwolf?
Those who didn’t vote for Penny and Pam…Britta’d it.
And by Pam, I mean Cheryl. COME ON
The Happy Endings one is difficult but in the end, Team Jane all the way
Thats the best they have for Doctor Who? So glad I dont watch that….
Team Penny all the way. Also- did they ever air the softball game episode that never made it to the season 2 run?
Also Emily > Zooey
You can find it pretty easily, if you’re a wild-west internet badass who’s not afraid to break a few laws to get the job done.
Emily + Zooey = sin/my fantasy
Amen to that, TeamCap.
Why did I vote on all of these if you already told me what the answer was??
To show em he’s wrong. C’mon, who chooses Bill?!
Setting Billie Piper against Karen Gillan is kind of unfair. You should have brought in Freema Agyeman; then the choice might have been a little harder. But the annoying plastic-faced singer vs the greatest pair of legs in Britain? Please.
WHO THE HELL IS VOTING FOR WINONA JESUS CHRIST
me. Winona is hot as fuck.
Indeed, Mr. Bell.
third. Natalie Zea is almost a 10, while Ava has a 5 head
June/Chloe
You know who else says “baggle” instead of bagel?
Guy Fieri.
YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.
Fuck you for knowing that and causing me to know it!
On the League, it’s not between Jenny and Shiva. It’s between Jenny and Nick Kroll’s spicy Latina wife.
seconded!
and Jenny STILL wins
This, over and over. Shiva is almost a non-entity. Stupid selection to even be in the poll. Way to fuck it up, fellas!
Annie > Britta
But Goth Britta > Annie
You Britta’d the ending.
If you didn’t already vote for Annie, try Googling her singing “Santa Baby.” Case closed.
omfg rose tyler looks like a tranny. Such a no brainer.
On a side note, how about Hilarie Burton vs Alex (White Collar) ?
[www.metacafe.com]
Thank me anytime!
The Ava – Winona argument seems pretty easy, but…. look, while Boyd Crowder is a badass and one of the most awesome TV characters in a long time, her ending up with him after being with Raylan makes me a little dubious. Just a little.
Of course, Winona being with the douchey real estate guy beings her down a few notches too.
I nerd raged hard when I found out DW fans voted Rose over SARAH FUCKING JANE SMITH*. Billie Piper did a good job on her time on Who but her character was overrated. Also, the “love” between her and the 10th doctor never felt natural – always forced by RTD.
So yeah, Amy >> Rose
*Who had a great friendship with the 4th doctor but was limited by stupid rules of the era. Eg, Peter Davison could put his arm around (the real world gay actor) Matt Waterhouse but not Nyssa/Tegan?
/nerd rant over
Daenerys is mentally unstable in the bad way and probably willing to burn you alive with her dragons because she caught you looking at another woman, so of course 75% of you voted for her.
Can’t say I was surprised by the Annie/Britta numbers (though I’m in the minority, myself), but the Ava/Winona one is baffling. I thought everyone hated Winona.
Also, damn, Natalie Dormer really does have the best laugh ever. The best female laugh, at least. Can’t say it’s better than Mark Hamill’s.
I like Cheryl because she’s into being choked.
She wouldn’t be the first bitch to be dumped out of the Econoline into a river.
Wha?! Only one dude match up? Come on, there’s so much good material to work with on TV these days! Can you get a lady to do a guest post so the men can duel for our hearts? Spoilerz: everyone wins!
Its like I don’t even know anybody anymore..
SUMMER>ANNA !!!