I have good news and bad news. Good News: There are people out there who love you and care about your well-being, and will be there for you no matter how bad things get. Bad News: HOLY SH-T A TWO-HEADED SNAKE RUN FOR THE HILLS EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
A Greenwood County family is trying to figure out how this is possible, but they’ve been taking care of the little guy for weeks.
Savanna Logan and her brother, Preston, have been amazed by this two-headed snake and showing it off at school since workmen at their home found it three weeks ago. [...]
“One head’s bigger and one’s more dominant than the other, but they both seem to control the body, the main head will do one thing then the other part is trying to go the opposite direction,” said Savanna Logan’s mother, Tina Stewart. [wbtv]
No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Stop this right now, nature. There is no need for this to be a thing. You can’t just run around plopping extra heads on animals that are already creepy and terrifying as is. Snakes should have one head MAXIMUM. What’s next? A two-headed shark, with two mouths full of razor blades pointed in opposite directions just wreaking havoc on everything in the sea? Or a shark with legs that can live on dry land like Ariel in The Little Merma-WAIT. FORGET I SAID THAT. DO NOT MAKE A LAND-BASED SHARK, NATURE. I AM SERIOUS.
I swear to God, we’re like three years away from an ambulatory shark and a two-headed snake mating and creating some sort of nightmare hybrid that will probably have wings even though neither of its parents do because f-ck nature, anyway. Make no mistake, this is an act of aggression. Every citizen should be issued a King James Bible and a flamethrower and told to put an end to this by any means necessary before it’s too late. You’ve all seen Independence Day. You know the drill.
(The video of the news report is here. Bonus points go out to the following people: 1) The anchor who asked how a snake with a head at both ends of its body poops. 2) Preston Logan, the young man who correctly identifies the whole thing as “creepy.” 3) The parents of Preston Logan, who evidently named their son after the main characters of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and are therefore A-OK in my book.)
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OH, HALE NO.
YOU GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE, M
MOTHER NATURE.
I’m sorry, it’s hard to type while panicking.
*nervous laugh*
so…Mayans hey?
My first question would also be to ask how it poops. Inquiring minds want to know, dammit!
that’s interesting, because my first thought is which one is Greg Kinnear?
Snakes don’t poop out of the ends of their tails — the cloaca is on the ventral side (“belly”). Assuming this really is a two-headed snake (the video’s terrible and it looks like it could be a badly-healed tail), the cloaca is (cloacae are?) probably in the middle somewhere.
Yeah, I was about to ask that question and then Keesey’s point occurred to me, but I still would like to know how its digestive system works. I assume that only one head can eat and have the food be properly digested, but I’m very curious what would happen if the other head tried. I guess that might be kind of a “Mengele” thing to wonder about.
Get the fuck out! That’s it, the world is about over. That’s the goddamn snake from the first Conan movie. We’re screwed.
[wiki.urbandead.com]
Or dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you!!
Does it have shifty eyes? Cause that’s how you know they’re evil…
What if one head tried to eat the other and kept swallowing until it swallowed itself out of existence?
KA-BOOM goes my mind.
Dude, I totally have to get my Ouroboros tattoo updated.
I smell a sitcom!
“Let’s go left!”
“No, let’s go right!”
*doesn’t move*
*laugh track*
Preston: “Why are you smiling, Slimey?”
Slimey: “Ha, because I jusssst ssspiked SSSScaley’s lemonade with Visssine and when it hits hisss ssstomach, he’s gonna be ssssssiii-ick.”
Savanna: “Oh Slimey, that’s your stomach too!”
Slimey: “Oh, I don’t feel ssssso good.”
Presotn and Savanna: “That’s our Slimey!!” [laugh track, credits]
South Carolina? Florida and Ohio, you need to get moving crazy stuff is not going to happen all by itself now, is it?
This thing is a reptile black hole. It eats and eats and can never expel.
Unless one of the heads is bulimic.
In other news, I Palindrome I.
YOU KEEP HER OUT IF THIS!
[www.youtube.com]
this film on u tube might shed some light.
If I know a thing or two about SyFy Originals (and believe you me, I do), there’s a conflicted scientist in a nearby lab getting a very stern talking to from a bigwig who speaks exclusively in stilted dialogue for letting the project escape. That’s how this shit always starts. AND IT NEVER ENDS PRETTY.
And somewhere, another scientist – this one retired and an alcoholic – is too old for this sh-t.
Ouro Boros Boros? Golly!
We’re very close to CatDog being a reality, people.
Call me an optimist, but has anyone tried to fashion it into a medallion and then use it to make wishes?
brilliant.
you try it and report back.
I guess this is a spoiler for next weeks ‘DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!”
[www.youtube.com]
Holy ish!!! I hate SNAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saw your post, there’s a bit of controversy on this snake as to whether it is truly a two headed snake. We have a real two headed snake at our retail shop in Deerfield Beach, FL. She’s much loved! We’d hate to get rid of her, but she is for sale at the hot-steaming deal of $50,000. Here’s a video of both heads drinking water: [www.youtube.com]