I’m posting this clip mainly because I think it proves something I’ve long suspected: that Conan reads UPROXX. I know for a fact that members of his staff do, but I’m convinced Conan does as well because I WANT TO BELIEVE.
With that said, I’m pretty sure Conan saw this clip from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and agrees with us that it’s the worst thing that’s ever aired on television.
Meanwhile, this is a real headline that ran in a major American newspaper today: “America Goes Cuckoo For Honey Boo Boo.” I, for one, welcome our new Chinese overlords.
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It might surprise Conan to learn that Honey Boo Boo and her family seem better fed and ridiculously happier than the average chinaman.
Our Cultural Ambassadors > Your Chinese Overlords
Even as a joke, that’s awfully sad. And funny. And sad.
It’s times like these that I’m reminded of the words of the immortal Frank Grimes; “If this were any other country, you’d have starved to death long ago.”
Amen Grimey, Amen.
If Conan or his writers are reading this then may I kindly make a request: Bring back the Staring Contest!
I hate to say it, but I just read this Gawker interview with the family, and now have a modicum of respect for them for, as the author states, treating fame like a bonus instead of a goal:
“Reality TV don’t last more than three years,” June said. “People have a good run for about three years. Some people fizzle out within a couple of weeks. We’ve had about 10 weeks and if it stays for the next three years, great.”
Right there, that puts her LEAGUES ahead of that Gosselin dirtbag.
[gawker.com]
That’s like saying some farts don’t smell as bad as others, they’re still farts.
I guess you’ve got to make your money any way you can these days. I mean, hell, Honey Boo Boo is going to be even more embarrassed about her life when she’s 20 and able to watch herself with a bit of historical detachment than she’ll already be because she’s a dumb fucking redneck yokel. But if her parents are any kind of intelligent at all (doubtful) or they’re at least willing to listen to their agent / management (hopeful) then they’ll take the $20 grand per episode they’re making and invest that cash properly. If they manage to do that then they’ll have ultimately come out on top because, let’s be realistic about this, without the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo tragic comedy hour, that family has absolutely no hope of ever movin’ on up.
Wow, I not actually have a shred of respect for these people now, but I can honestly say “I have something in common with the family of Honey Boo Boo”. I actually hope they’re smart enough to invest the money they make from this. That will also put them leagues ahead of plenty of other reality show stars that have came and went. I’ve heard Heidi Montag and Spencer are not only living with his parents, but they’re actually worse off now than before they were famous.
For the past 10-12 years I’ve always said “Fuck reality tv”. But ya know what? 4,000 dollars an episode to have cameras simply follow me around? Sign me up. I’ll take the hundred grand (25 episodes) from the one season, collect interest for the next 40 years and use it as retirement money. I know I ain’t getting it through Social Security.
Honey Boo Boo is a lot taller then I’d thought, and putting her in a suit was just cruel.
It’s true, though, Honey Boo-Boo is totally not as cultured as banning half the internet and independent thought. We’re totally screwed.