Before we get to this week’s rundown of Sons of Anarchy, we have a very cool announcement to make. On the week of the Sons of Anarchy finale, UPROXX is giving away a very cool new T-shirt to 100 people. However, in order to be eligible to receive the shirt, you need to unlock the ALLY badge. Find out how to unlock that badge here; it doesn’t take a lot. Simply participate in a couple of Sons of Anarchy discussion posts by leaving a comment or sharing the post on Facebook or Twitter. The shirt looks totally bad ass, too. Have a look:
Now, let’s get to this week’s Sons of Anarchy:
1. It Was an Unusually Badly Written Episode — Was it just me, or was this week’s Kurt Sutter co-written episode particularly badly written? The dialogue was, at times, cringeworthy: “After my Thomas died, I did the worst thing a mother can do. I made you make up for the love he couldn’t give. I’m sorry, Jax.” Or, “This is bad, Wayne. It’s really bad.” “Yeah, I know, sweetheart.” Sutter has never been incredibly gifted with dialogue, but it was downright painful at times this week. Structurally, this season reminds me of an chart floating around the Internet right now, “Every Episode of The Walking Dead Summed Up,” which can be easily modified and applied to Sons: Great introduction, somebody does something stupid, motorcycle riding, nothing happens, HUGE CLIFFHANGER that compels us to keep watching next week. T
2. Chekhov’s Abel — Foreshadowing THE HUGE CLIFFHANGER: It should’ve been obvious something was going to happen to Abel as soon as we saw this ham-fisted shot of an adorable sleeping child in the first three minutes of the episode (Peter Weller, aka, Robocop, directed last night’s episode). If that wasn’t enough clunky foreshadowing, Gemma also fumbled her seatbelt. No subtlety here, folks.
3. THE HUGE CLIFFHANGER — Sutter seemed to take another cue from Breaking Bad this week by maybe killing off a kid, in this case, Abel. Gemma — who had been given babysitting rights by a softening Tara — drove her SUV off the road while high. As the episode ends, we see Gemma knocked unconscious, the little one crying, and a tree through the side of the SUV where Abel is sitting while Abel bleeding onto his stuff animal. Is he dead? Initially, I thought so (and I was peeved about it because it was more cheap and manipulative than shocking), but the more I thought about it, I don’t think so. The show couldn’t sustain that realistically. It would take Wendy out of the equation (and she’s due back later this season), and there’s no realistic way that Jax wouldn’t disown Gemma. It’s more likely that she will attempt to cover up the accident so that Tara and Jax do not realize that she was high while driving the kids around in the middle of the night. Covering it up will likely mean recruiting Unser, Nero, or more likely Clay, which would give them a secret that ties them together again.
4. The Joel McHale Watch — That was bullsh*t. Complete and total bullsh*t. You don’t bring the brilliant Joel McHale on for that? Sutter could’ve hired any jackass to play a con man that preys on Cougars. McHale got all of three scenes before Nero kicked the crap out of him, presumably ending his run. Lame. Also lame: The stunt man. I wish I could get a better screengrab, but in motion, the stunt-doubling was guffawtastic (Jax’s is not so good, either).
5. Lyla Is Working for Nero — We didn’t get to see much of her, but I’m glad that they found a way to keep Lyla around, even after Opie’s death.
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Jax you are great favor my brother alot~
“Jax, I have no family.”
We are your family; now go whore yourself out.”
I like how Jole McHale did a little bad ass driving, but really? That’s it and he is done? WTF?
I knew that God damn frog was getting too much screen time.
Juice’s time is up. He’s getting outed next week.
Is McHale’s run in the series over? If so that’s hilarious. All that hype just to get beat down by Henry Duque.
I really thought Unser was going to die in this episode. That shirt is cool!
The writing didn’t seem any worse than any other ep, and will Gemma let her go natural now that Unser has called her “mom”?
C’mon Dustin, edit your writing before hitting “post”
I want this shirt so I can cut off the sleeves and make a vest out of it to bro-walk in.
If I saw a dude Bro-Walking in this shirt, I would probably stare at them intensely while I flared my nostrils
I actually don’t watch the show, but I want the shirt. Pretty shameful, isn’t?
I want to wear the shirt but can’t because the show has gotten pretty ridiculous.
That shirt is fucking bad ass.
Since Ron Perlman is pretty much the best actor on this show, I’ll be sad when he’s dead. Rest in Peace, forehead.
/Never forget
i also didnt notice how large Ron Pearlman’s head is,until he took the cell Call..you know what the say about big head…take a lot of fabric to cover
True
“After my Thomas died, I did the worst thing a mother can do. I made you make up for the love he couldn’t give. I’m sorry, Jax.”
was a horrid line, seem too Kid rapey
Yeah, there was some real Oedipus shit going on in that scene
It was a crappy use of Joel McHale, but who else do you get other than the Man-who-looks-like-the-handsomest-man-on-Earth(tm)?
As far as poor writing/dialogue, I felt like that with Joel McHale’s character. I couldn’t tell if it was the writing or his performance but he seemed very “Hey, what are you doing! Stop grabbing me!” “So we’re even??”
He plays such a good smarmy douche he showed have shown more of that once he was caught.
It’s not that I don’t care about these characters, but Juice seems to be the only one with any morality left. Everyone else seems like they are low life’s who will kill for their own good, no questions asked. Juice seems to be constantly worried about what his actions mean
Joel McHale deserved better. But seeing him really made me miss Jeff Winger.
Whoever designed this shirt must be as clever as he is handsome!
So, Joel McHale was wasted as a one off to what….remind us of Gemma’s downward spiral? Because we’re getting beaten over the head about it.
“After my Thomas died, I did the worst thing a mother can do. I made you make up for the love he couldn’t give. I’m sorry, Jax.”
I agree. This is just horrendous dialogue. It doesn’t even make sense. Was there no one who read or heard this that stopped and said “What?”
badge
One day I shall have ALL badges!!
BADGE!
ME!
MORE!
YOUR TIME IS UP, THE BADGE IS MINE!
WE DONT NEED NO STEENKING BADGES. ( I already got mine)
it’s pretty sad that we will all jump through hoops for silly badges.
Clay is Cray!
Clay, why you ackin so cray-cray?
Lyla makes me wish this show as on HBO or Showtime.
She did do Playboy a year or 2 ago…
Link?
It would def make more sense for a show about a Biker Gang to be on Showtime. Sometimes the lack of rough language is laughable.
Oh, and sorry, Opie. We loved you and all, but your old lady looks way more hot now.
HOORAY IM PREZ
I was mortified to see the cliffhanger of the son about to get Eli’d, because I’d put a gazillion dollars on “accidental Juice death”. They’re teasing it hard. best say our goodbyes now.
Then again, I thought we were saying goodbye to Under this week, so I take it all back.
Def not the best episode but I’m hopeful it was just setting up things to come…sloppily but still.
Tara will wear the perfume and blow Otto, Juice will kill clay, Wendy kills Gemma, Unser kills himself, the Artistocrats !!!!!
Some of these theories are not far off the mark.
I don’t think Unser would kill himself though.
Well this says that McHale concluded his 2 episode “arc,” so that’d all folks.
[www.hollywoodreporter.com]
that’s, dammit.
Are you fucking serious? That was it?
That was moronic. McHale is too big a name to have a bit part like that, but it wasn’t a terrible introduction to a more important character (same might be true for Tisdale; I don’t know her that well). Kurt Sutter needs to figure out how to use these guest stars better.
Maybe Community will be back next week,? And we’ll get more McHale? Right?
That was a pretty weak “arc.”
Maybe they’ll bring him back next season…perhaps with Zobelle? (wishful thinking)
well walton goggings was a good guest spot.
I guess needed the check… or owned someone a favor.
I agree with what your saying. Killing Abel off makes no sense.
The only way I think it makes any sense at all is if it drives Gemma to kill herself because she can’t live with that sort of pain.
I don’t see this happening in a million years though, so there’s no way Abel dies.
Nevermind that; you can put “Chekov’s” before anything, but that doesn’t mean that it’ll operate in the script the way Checkov’s Gun does. “Ooh, they had a ham-fisted shot of an adorable sleeping child in the opening three minutes. That must mean something bad is gonna happen to him!” You could just as well say that the entirety of the club’s Irish Adventure in season three was a build up to this event. Abel is a regular character in the show, and as a consequence, he’s gonna appear on camera sometimes looking adorable. Everything isn’t foreshadowing.
checkoff’s annie’s boobs
ibsen’s double-headed dildo gets no love
Yes it does. It makes Jax seem more like JT, the point this is coming to is whether Jax will end up dead like his dad or reign in the power that his dad was able to control and take the Club in the right direction.
Abel is dead, sad. But Jax needs more fire in him to reign power.
Tara is gonna Kick Gemma’s ASS!!!
the ending was awefully hard to take, gemma is in some deep shit… how she gonna spin this to not be her fault?
She’s gonna end up with Clay, because no one wants either of them around. I watched that Eric Bischoff relaity biker show. They’re gonna wear the same colors and have mini-bseball bats and show up at each other’s double-wides.
I feel like there are now significantly more people commenting on the SOA and Walking Dead articles that have never looked at this site before. Lots of “This show is awesome!”s.
I feel like this website has garnished a lot more fans for SOA especially since the q&a with Hurst and Rossi. This show is awesome…heart wrenching but awesome.
The worst is when there are the live discussions with the cast. It just gets filled up with folks who joined moments before it started.
I mean, I know that’s great for the sites owners, but for us regular users it kinda sucks.
Bob is correct. The overwhelming number of “Oh my god, Ryan/Theo, you are so hot!” non-questions are ridiculous. I’m trying to ask about The Ladykillers, damn it!
“Dude, can we hang out? When are you coming to {insert place here}?” Fuck off, Johnny come latelys.
Hipster alert!!!
Everytime I see Abel in the comments I read it as Abed and I det so damn confused.
Tig and Abel in the mooorning
most horrifying show ever
love this show how do I get to meet the cast???
Threaten to sue Kurt Sutter
“The show couldn’t sustain that realistically. It would take Wendy out of the equation (and she’s due back later this season)”
And what better reason is there to bring her back? Maybe Abel dies, Jax cant bring himself to avenge him against Gemma, he won’t let Tara, but no one is stopping Andrea from popping a cap in Gemma’s ass.
That would be awesome.
I’m sorry, but about 1/3 of the characters are smoking weed every episode (“smoke weed everyday”, thanks Nate Dogg) and no one ever has any trouble doing anything, or even seems high. Gemma splits a joint with Unser and all of a sudden it’s like a bad PSA. If this is where they were going with it she should’ve been out drinking and then got the call from Tara.
Someone on another board theorized that Unser likes to get wet and laced his joint, which is what fucked up Gemma.
I’m not sure that’s the case. I was thinking it was regular medical marijuana, which in itself can be pretty strong, but Gemma (before this season at least) has been able to get high and drunk with no problem.
I know they’ve been setting up Gemma getting fucked up on a regular basis this season, but her falling asleep at the wheel because of half a joint seemed so contrived.
Gemma is either going to end up dead (which probably won’t happen)~so maybe rehab?
No way Sutter kills off his own wife with 2 seasons left. She’s in it for the long haul.
Rehab is for quitters.
I want Clay gone.
LOL NOPE! The Irish Kings still want him around, remember? Sutter deus-ex-machina-d that one up at the end of the prior season and now Clay sticks around forever.
If they were going to kill Clay they would’ve let Opie do it at the end of season 4.
Whats Jax going to now?
Kill Gemma and Clay…hopefully soon.
And we just thought Jaxs had too many irons in the fire.
The best thing I can say for this episode is that at least the (increasing) product placement isn’t too heavy handed. That said, I’ll still be watching next week and the week after.
Me too. Every week.
I heard Jax really likes Subway ™ and they are going to start having church there weekly.
That shirt looks awesome!
Agree
I seriously would kill to have one. Edit: “Kill Burnsy”
“Kill Dustin’s stupid lists”
FTFY
I’m late to this discussion, but I’m betting that Abel is going to be a cripple and it will bring him and Nero closer together.
Sutter is really trying to get his wife some sort of award. Ain’t gonna happen, she’s fucking terrible.
Chuck Zito sucks
Juice is one of the only characters left that I like, I hate that he’s been relegated to Clay’s lacky who is just kinda clueless.
I hate that Sutter has a show with such great potential but ends up ruining it. I’m not sure if it’s cause he is too tight fisted with control over the show and doesn’t let other people have enough creative input, or if it’s the other way around.
By “him” I mean Jax, not Abel.
She isn’t terrible it’s just that the material is coming across forced.
I disagree with your position, yet I will defend your right to have a wrong opinion on the internet.
I’ve just never thought Katy Segal was a good actress, and combine that with the really bad writing and story her character is going through, and it’s a recipe for me to talk shit about it on the intertubes.
This season has let me down. I have pretty much tuned out.
Literally every season has been a let down.
and yet I can’t stop watching. It’s like crack.
i agree katey segal’s character is the worst. and also she isnt very pleasant to look at on screen. she isnt sexy, or pretty, or smart, or anything you would want or like in a woman. she gets way too much camera time to watch her clown faced mug contemplate something that will probably ruin watever the club is working toward at the moment.
I don’t think Katey Segal is any kind of award-winner, but she’s a good actress. The material she gets is pretty bad, but I can’t imagine many people doing better w/ it (it’s not like they’re gonna get Helen Mirren in an American show about a motorcycle gang).
I was sad last season when it looked like they were gonna kill off Juice, but since they brought him back he hasn’t done anything. I’m hoping he figures out what’s going on w/ Clay and DOES SOMETHING. That’s probably what the Clay-and-Tara scene was for. If that wasn’t the point, I don’t know what the point is.
Any who… it is moot, because even Margo Martindale would have trouble prying the emmy out of “Crazy” Claire Danes hands.
@Dux, she was amazing in Season 2. She hasn’t been able to achieve those heights since then though. Maybe Sutter played the “raped by Nazis” card too early?
Yeah, at this point I’m just watching vainly hoping that it’ll somehow go back to being as amazing it was in Season 2. Season 3 was just plain boring, but the amazing finale kept me on for the 4th season. I find myself paying less and less attention while actually watching the show.
@Mr. List: Or maybe she’s just preternaturally good at portraying rape victims, and they should write one or two of those into the script every season.
Srsly, though. She was good in S2. I feel like that was the high point for the whole show, but it hasn’t bottomed out as badly as I thought.
I don’t feel as bad for missing this episode.
That show does not deserve the attention.
uggggghhhhh. I quit. Officially never watching again.
I really wish they utilized Juice more, he was great last season, and now he’s been regulated to Clay’s caretaker
Unless there’s more to it…
Juice goes to Eli about Clay / Nomads being behind his wife’s death, Eli points the finger at either Clay or Frankie.
Yeah, he’s one of the best characters, and Sutter just wastes him.
I do like that he’s starting to figure out that Clay isn’t to be trusted. Given how fucking stupid all the other characters seem to be, I think it would be good if Juice stepped up and killed Clay before he really brings down the club.
I agree.
Hints of character development, finally. Maybe there’s a reason he didn’t kill himself last season.