“Oh man, it sure is great to be a puppy. Why, just this morning I woke up in New York City — THE BIG APPLE — and now I’m on television. So many things to see and smell! What’s that? A camera? I’m going to smell the sh-t out of that. Maybe I could even … wait, no. I shouldn’t pee on it. Behave yourself, me. After all, you don’t want to end up on the Internet.
“Wait. Who’s that lady? Why are you handing me to her? Holy hell, why does she reek of wine and White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor at 10 a.m.? I mean, I’m only a few months old, but even I know that’s not right. I do not like this. No, I do not like this at all. Why is no one helping me? I am just a puppy. I can’t defend myself against this giant. STRANGER DANGER. STRANGER DANGER.
“Hold on. Just relax. It’s not like she’s going to drop me or anything. This will all be over soon. Deep breaths. [takes deep breath, coughs] Oh God, that perfume. It’s like she washes her clothes with it. That’s it. I’ve got to get out of here. HELP. HELP. Jesus Christ, I’m slipping out of her arms! Not like this, God. I’m too young to die! I haven’t even seen Paris! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP.”
[Kathie Lee Gifford drops the puppy on its head]
“CALL MY LAWYERS.”
GIF via
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you should represent this puppy, DG.
Danger Guerrero: Puppy Lawyer. He’ll sit up and speak…… for JUSTICE!
“Objection. Badgering the witness.”
“Your Honor, the witness is clear a puppy, not a badger.”
“Overruled. Proceed, counselor.”
I heard DG got a perfect score on his Bark Exam.
Just keep an eye out for man’s best friend’s worst enemy AKA Laremy.
Animal Planet would totally pick up Puppy Lawyer for a full season.
OBJECTION: Leading the witness… with a leash!
You can’t handle the POOP!
/shows self out
/met at the door by 1992 who punches me and takes reference back
they’ll have a hard time making these charges stick.
STICK! STICK! WHERE’S THE STICK????
Burn the Witch, BURN THE WITCH!
I concur. Does she float? We may want to test this out.
Her liver has excellent buoyancy.
Letting a geriatric drink at 10 AM isn’t so cute now is it, America?
Puppy Whiplash is an epidemic in this country.
Almost as prevalent as cat juggling.
… And you can see the other puppies backing away in terror. They know. They know.
It’s Hoda slowly backing away that slays me. I think I’ve had erotic dreams where Hoda backs away just like that.
Do you know how many puppies I’ve concussed whilst sloshed at 10 am? A lot.
whilst used correctly
+1
They should’ve told her that puppy was named Chablis.
Mind you, she’d then have probably choked it to death or popped off its head and tried to drink its blood.
[www.quickmeme.com]
So being a lush does have a downside after all.
Only if you sober up
It helps if your marketable talent isn’t “being on television”. You never hear about drunken telemarketers screwing up publicly.
She also does the “I’m so drunk I need to bend down slowly with my legs spread way too wide so as not to fall over” move. My drunk Aunt was a fan when she dropped her lighter.
it reminds me oif when puffy dropped the ball on life or deatjh biggies 2nd lbum which was whack as fuck westcoast for life
it was 2 cds worth of filter tryna byte pacs album which was fire
I wish it had been a cat so we could’ve seen her get scratched to shit.