Nick News With Linda Ellerbee (Nickelodeon, 8 p.m.) — America’s worst generation, a.k.a. anyone younger than you with their dubby steppy music, discusses the important issues in regards to the upcoming presidential election, including which president can bring Little Jimmy’s dead dog Scruffy back and who promises the most free pudding on Pudding Wednesdays.
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — “Lily and Marshall test their friends to see who would be the best godparents.” I love it when shows use quizzes as a framing device, including the least intolerable Friends episode, “The One with the Embryos.” One of Lilly and Marshall’s questions should be, “What is Joey and Chandler’s TV Guide subscription name?” Whoever doesn’t get it (Ted will) wins godparent rights.
The Mortified Sessions (Sundance, 10 p.m.) — Marc Maron and Gillian Jacobs share awkward stories and photos from their childhood. Jacobs also shares passages from her diary, like the time she wrote “f*ck you, you pile of sh*t, motherf*cker” about her babysitter. I didn’t think I could love her more, and yet, here we are.
Castle (ABC, 10 p.m.) — FINALLY, an episode of Castle that’s an homage to Murder, She Wrote. /timidly Googles “Angela Lansbury dead?” She’s not! Good for her.
Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.) — A ton of people have been recording this show, making it the biggest success story of the new fall shows, though not as successful as the mega-numbers The Walking Dead got last night.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Aziz Ansari and Honey Boo Boo clan on Kimmel; Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Paulson on Ferguson; Cheryl Hines and Michael Kiwanuka on Conan; J.K. Rowling on Stewart; and Even Thomas on Colbert.