2 Broke Girls (CBS, 9 p.m.) — Unless you’re a sports fan, there’s not much on tonight, so why not find out what the not-at-all-racist “new side of Han” is? My money’s on “Gangnam Style” being involved somehow.
MLB Playoffs (TBS, 4 p.m.) — Game two of the divisional series between the Washington Nationals at St. Louis Cardinals and New York Yankees at Baltimore Orioles. In other news: my Mets sold 2.2 million tickets this season, their lowest total since 2003. Yay!
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Lily and Marshall hire a nanny, which if this episode had aired in 1997, would have meant an appearance from Fran Fine. That’s reason #43,842 why we should be glad it’s not the 1990s anymore, right between JNCO jeans being out of style and Catfight not existing anymore.
Monday Night Football: Houston Texans at New York Jets (ESPN, 8:30 p.m.) — Or, will the Jets finish with fewer points than the Yankees runs?
Gossip Girl (The CW, 9 p.m.) — Season premiere. Thus begins the sixth and final season of Gossip Girl, meaning you only have 13 more chances to slyly glance at Leighton Meester from the other side of the room while your girlfriend is watching.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jack Hanna and Max Greenfield on Letterman; Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bubba Watson, and the Wallflowers on Leno; Ben Affleck and Demi Lovato on Kimmel; Ben Affleck and Connie Britton on Fallon; Pete Townshend on Stewart; and Mark Kelly on Colbert.
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I’m kind of ashamed to admit that I did’nt give up on 2 Broke Girls because of the racism, I gave up because of the laugh track. There are some things that just cannot be borne.
You would think my unfailing erection for Kat Dennings would compel me to watch 2 Broke Girls, but then I remember there is such a thing as Google Image Search.
Is Ben Affleck Jamie Madrox?
Someone should punch him and find out.
Someone needs to tell Peter David this joke.
Anyone want to take bets that the “new side of Han” is that he has a huge dingaling?
Bank on it.
I look forward to the angry mob cries for Tebow tomorrow.
I actually hope Sanchez goes full on Jose Offerman….I.e. being abso-fucking-lutely terrible at every aspect of the sport he plays….but somehow playing JUST well enough at the exact moment he’s about to lose his job to earn some extra slack….
I too am looking forward to chaos in New York.
I was on an airplane last month that showed the movie What to Expect When You’re Expecting, followed by a episode of Parenthood, How I Met Your Mother and 2 Broke Girls. It’s probably the closest thing to a living hell I could possibly imagine.
More to the point, can anyone explain why in the hell the 2 Broke Girls have a horse living in their apartment in NY? Is the cost of housing and caring for this large animal the reason they’re poor? Does their landlord charge them a lot for a pet deposit? Can anyone explain why that show was a big enough hit to make it past 3 episodes?
Kat Dennings is hot, but man, that show…..
Holy shit I had a similar experience. What to Expect is easily the worst movie I’ve seen this year. I was on another flight that showed Kiefer Sutherland’s new show, which was even worse.
The audio jack on my seat was broken on the flight that played Battleship. I consider that the best luck I’ve had all year.
Sadly, I can explain the horse. (Ok, just a pre-note….the wife and I used to love getting crazy high and watching awful TV shows, and now that we don’t smoke anymore we still get hammered drunk and watch the 2 main awful shows that are awesome in an altered state, ie 2 Broke Girls and The Big Bang Theory (watch the opening on good weed….seriously….it is awesome))….
The horse it he rich girl’s horse and it lives in the back yard. Initially it was like an “OMG! Look they have a horse in the city!” type of joke, but then they wrote the horse out of the show by her getting a conscience and donating it to a barn or something….
I have no fucking idea why the horse (Chestnut….FML) is back though. I missed that explanation.
@JTRO: Yeah, What to Expect was way worse than I ever could have imagined. I didn’t listen to a single word of the movie but could tell exactly what stereotype every character was. It was about as subtle as a 2×4 to the head.
Battleship I did actually listen to. Don’t get me wrong, it was beyond awful by every measure and the first 2/3rds of the film is shockingly dull for a “big budget action” movie. That said, the final battle is a thing of glorious cheesy goodness. They freaking Fast and Furious drift a WW2 era battleship that’s manned by a bunch of old veterans and Taylor Kitch. It’s like the director just shouts “GO TO HELL PHYSICS AND LOGIC!” That last bit of the film is great for a laugh.
@TFBuckFutter: I’m not sure whether to politely thank you for answering my question or to hunt you down and punch you square in the face for knowing all of that.
I guess I’ll say thank you since I foolishly asked the question in the first place. However, as a concern for you and your loved ones, I implore you to look in the mirror and re-evaluate the direction of your life sir. Knowing as much as you do about that show clearly means you’ve made some missteps in life.
No, but in all seriousness, get some better weed because you’re clearly remembering far to much from these pot viewings of bad TV shows. lol
Nothing I love better than smoking weed, getting a huge bowl of Fruity Pebbles, and watching something incredibly shameful.
I’m not embarrassed by that. Next you’ll tell me I should be ashamed of watching Good Burger, Howard the Duck or the entire run of Salute Your Shorts while baked out of my gourd.
There is no shame in watching Good Burger or the entire run of Salute Your Shorts, sober or otherwise.
At least Battleship had a redeeming quality-relatively speaking. Salute Your Shorts is always a good call.
Yeah, I had Battleship on my flight back. I’m guessing since we had the same movies, you must have flown Delta too.
Nope, United…Jesus I hope they don’t have a merger in the works.
Man. Kimmel AND Fallon? Ben Affleck is going to be busy tonight.
Blame Zap 2 It if he’s not.
That wasn’t supposed to be a snarky comment, I swear. Heartz!
Ferguson’s a rerun? Looks like I’m going to bed early.
Theory On 2 Broke Girls. Kat Dennings is Alison Brie, playing Britta, way more sexual tension with the other hot chick on the show, crappy writing, worse Korean guy,and the least talented performer from original SNL.
On the plus side, Garret Morris is less of an a-hole to work with than Chevy.
Because of your lecherous comments about Kat Dennings, the season premiere of Community has been pushed back. I hope you’re all happy.
[www.hitfix.com]
I am crying in my Troy & Abed in the Morning coffee mug.