Now that Chevy Chase’s gone and left Community, it’s up to Angus T. Jones, who’s played half-man Jake Harper on Two and a Half Men since 2003, to fill the role of TV’s most self-destructive, self-hating sitcom star. He’s doing a damn fine job of it, too: the born-again Jones appeared in a video for a bizarre pseudo-religion called Forerunner Chronicles (more on that later), criticizing the CBS sitcom for “filling your head with filth.”
Well, he’s not wrong there…but then things get *MEN*.
Via Screen Crush:
If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I’m on Two and a Half Men, and I don’t want to be on it. Please stop watching it, and filling your head with filth. People say it’s just entertainment. Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television, especially with what you watch.
It’s bad news…a lot of people don’t like to think about how deceptive the enemy is. He’s been doing this a long longer than any of us have been around. There’s no playing around when it comes to eternity. (Via)
I’m not entirely sure who the “He” in question is, or more accurately, the interpretation of God that Jones is referring to. Forerunner appears to be nothing more than some half-baked scam of a church that appeals to celebrities who feel their lives are unfulfilled from making people happy and earning millions of dollars in the process. They’re also the brains behind The Jay-Z Deception, a “documentary on Jay-Z’s connection to the Freemasons, The Satanic plot behind his new album THE BLUEPRINT 3, and his new video ‘RUN THIS TOWN’ with KANYE WEST and RHIANNA, AND MUCH MORE ……THIS IS A MUST SEE!”
Here’s a typical story on their website:
Findings from a new landmark study conclude that smoking marijuana lowers your intelligence quotient. In other words, weed makes you stupid, benumbs your brain, renders your mental faculties useless, and makes you intellectually impotent. I think that about says it all. (Via)
And then there’s this amazing Facebook photo:
When we all go to Hell, that man’s going to give us a big Sorkin-esque TOLDYA. Anyway, Two and a Half Men turned Charlie Sheen into a blood, beer, and bush-obsessed narcissistic and Angus T. Jones a religious nut — it’s only a matter of time before Jon Cryer’s killing spree, I suppose. Here’s Jones’s testimony.
Also, Nazis loved the gays:
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He’s doing a damn fine job of it, too: the born-again Jones appeared in a video for a bizarre pseudo-religion called Forerunner Chronicles (more on that later), criticizing the CBS sitcom for “filling your head with filth.”
A joke this nerdy really belongs on GammaSquad, but are we sure this religion isn’t just a really elaborate Halo ARG?
Haha my first thought was “That sounds like a Halo prequel”
Their Vatican is the United Nations Space Command.
I’m so religious and so disappointed by my former “______” that I’m not going to cash my paychecks or royalty checks.
-Said no rich celebrity ever.
“I would but I set it up as a direct deposit and that shit’s too hard to change. I live with the guilt everyday.”
No, but I bet there’s a religious organization to which he’s going to tithe a whole lot of that money.
Is it me or are there $ signs ringing up every time that dude sitting next to Angus blinks. Hope he has a trust or that money is gone. Should have blown it on coke and whores. He would have had more fun.
Charlie Sheen is sitting somewhere smiling ear-to-ear because he’s no longer the weirdest person to come from that show.
What’s with the Malcolm X specs?
Hm. I was expecting a crappy FunnyOrDie sketch.
We all know this is just a publicity stunt for Angus Jones’s upcoming network pilot about St. Peter, St. Paul and a friendly leper. It’s also called “Two and a Half Men.”
Or it could be for his other pilot about Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and Mitt Romney. It’s called “Two and Half Mormons.”
These guys just basically rip off Christwire.org. It’s a satirical religious thing in the vein of The Onion.
I prefer LandOverBaptist
I mentioned Christwire because I wrote for em, and I’m friends with a few of them over there.
Now that’s a namedrop
Not overtly intentional, just something I noticed. But if this IS a real site, they’re pretty funny on accident. Not promoting, but the titles and things on this just seem over the top that it’s Poe’s Law.
Those horn-rimmed glasses are the icing on the cake.
now if only he can kill Sylar
Angus Jones would be a great name for a competitive steak eater.
Give all your earned salary to charity and I promise to still never watch your show.
Your move, Steakboy.
God wants him to keep it for the suffering he endured, didn’t you know?
This Forerunner thing is basically a more Christiany version of Scientology. Awesome.
Good lord Hollywood, if you are going to become an Evangelical good for you, but please be Candace Cameron and less like her brother.
That is exactly what I was thinking. This kid has a ton of money and no brains I am just surprised that Scientology didn’t get too him first.
Why can’t he just become a drug addict like any self-respecting child actor?
He’ll get there, don’t worry.
Maybe they’ll just fire him off the show and replace him with Topher Grace.
Only if they replace Jon Cryer with Danny Masterson, and have them travel through time to the 1970s.
YOU GUYS I JUST HAD A GREAT IDEA FOR A SHOW
Birthday subs for Angus!
This video has only had about 300 hits. Most probably as a result of this article.
or because of the subject matter.
Man, Byron Allen just will not stop until he ruins everything that could be loved by anyone, will he?
First he caused Real People to be cancelled, now this. Look out, Comics Unleashed.
So because I’ve never watched Two and a Half Men I’m going to heaven? Phew. That wasn’t even my main reason for not watching that show.
I love watching child stars go nuts. RIP Brad Renfro.
I didnt think it was possible but that little bastard got more punchable…
By the way, the “He” is Jonathan Brandis.
Why couldn’t he have thrown in Chuck Lorre’s other show, Big Bang Theory, while he was at it?
Watched the video. Angus said at first he was trying to find a church that was “all black people.” So you know this is a serious celebrity salvation.
Is that the dude from those Sears appliance commercials? Does salvation require me to buy a Kenmore washer?
You do have to get the washer, but it comes with the free eternal warranty for your soul. The 2-year warranty for the washer costs extra.
I’m saving up for his upcoming meltdown comedy tour as we speak!!!!
found my new religion! take that Raëlism not everyone looks good in white jumpsuits okay!
Rerun Stubbs prayed to a head of lettuce named Ralph. Then again, that was on camera.
… and I thought that Charlie Sheen was the insane one.
So when does he plan to give the millions of dollars he made off the show back?
@Josh – “Anyway, Two and a Half Men turned Charlie Sheen into a blood, beer, and bush-obsessed narcissistic…” – Didn’t need the ‘ic’ at the end there, Zippy.
But the inaccuracy of your intended statement is the real affront. Carlos was a blood, beer, and bush-obsessed narcissist for YEARS before ‘Two and a Half Men.’
In other news, Two and a Half men still isn’t funny.
BRING BACK SHEEN
So, is he gonna be kicked off the show?
So…in about a year we can expect Jon Cryer’s meltdown, I suppose.
I’m late to the party, but didn’t Cryer claim his ex had hired an assassin to kill him like a year ago? He’s probably still the most balanced one of the lot.
You’re right. The set of Two-and-a-Half-Men is the hellmouth.
he is kinda right. two and a half men has been garbage since charlie sheen left.
If Angus quits the show he won’t be half the man he used to be.
ha
Ooh. “Filth.” Judges? Close, but not correct. I’m sorry, the word we were looking for was “nothing.” Two And A Half Men is filling my head with “nothing.”
Nazis loved the gays? I’m sure that was a surprise to the gays they sent to the concentration camps. “We kill you cause we love you.” Riiiiigggghhhhttt….
I’m willing to be it’s all down to Megan Fox’s vagina. I think it has the power to destroy men’s minds. Notice that after her short stint on this shitshow, Sheen went nuts and this kid did too.
Did Jon Cryer hit it too?? We must find out!
Why is the black guy holding the Bible like a gun to his head?
His rant might hold a bit more power in the message if he stopped cashing all of his 350k per episode checks.
Or, I don’t know, quit.