So… Shoutout To The Vacuum Cleaner Man, I Guess?

I’m going to be honest with all of you: I’m not exactly sure what’s going on here. My best guess is that this is unused news footage that some hero picked up off the editing room floor and popped on the Internet. It certainly doesn’t look live, both because the reporter doesn’t appear to be mic’d up yet, and because no one dives in front of this woman and hurriedly throws it back to the studio when she utters the phrase — AND I QUOTE — “I know the vacuum cleaner man. He’s seen my tits” while talking about a nearby window that got blown out.

“I know the vacuum cleaner man. He’s seen my tits.”

That is probably the greatest short story I’ve ever heard. It’s got it all: compelling characters (Just who is this “vacuum cleaner man”?), intrigue (How exactly did their paths cross in the first place? And under what circumstances did he see her topless?), action (Windows getting blown out!), and, most importantly, sex (Boobs). I vote we turn this into a steamy drama for ABC. It’ll be like Desperate Housewives but with way more fuzzy, colorful sweaters.

Thanks to Comedy Wizard for the tip