New Girl (Fox, 9 p.m.) — CARLA GUGINO ALERT. I REPEAT. CARLA GUGINO ALERT. She’ll play Max’s corporate boss with whom Max gets into a sadomasochistic sexual relationship. I’M NOT EVEN JOKING. It’s going to be a good night of television, y’all.
Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.) — Th penultimate episode of the fifth season is 90 minutes of shark-jumping, off-the-rails bat-sh*ttery, but through the mess that Sons of Anarchy has become this season, the one thing you can never say is that the show is boring. BRING BACK VENUS VAN DAMME. Check back tomorrow for the SoA discussion, and for the eligible commenters, learn how to get your UPROXX T-shirt.
Raising Hope (Fox, 8 p.m.) — If Raising Hope’s flashback episodes are to be believed, poor Jimmy has zero memory of his childhood. Last season, he learned that he was a musical prodigy, and tonight, Jimmy learns that he was briefly given up for adoption. Sabrina helps him reconnect with his adopted family. TROPE SUBVERSION.
Happy Endings (ABC, 9 p.m.) — The great thing about Happy Endings is that the show splits the six people up into groups of two to keep things fresh each week, but the Max and Brad pairings are always the best. Tonight, folks, it’s a Max and Brad night. They’re teaming up as bar mitzvah hosts.
Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC, 9:30 p.m.) — Tonight, Chloe lobbies People magazine to make James Van Der Beek the sexiest man of the year. Oh, Beeks: Don’t ever stop being you.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Julianna Margulies and Mumford and Sons are on Letterman; Leno has Keira Knightley; Christina Applegate is on Kimmel; Toby Keith is on Ferguson; Sally Field is on Fallon to promote Lincoln, Jason Sudeikis does The Daily Show, and Newt Gingrich will be on The Colbert Report.
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Carla Gugino as a woman into BDSM?
/cums
//dies
Just gonna say Elektra Luxx was a decent enough movie, however the experience was a complete mismatch of what my expectations were going in. Timothy Olyphant and Carla Gugino, and Carla plays a porn star? Disappointing. JGL with a Mexican accent though. So there’s that.
Your hope of distracting us with Carla Gugino to cover up your misunderstanding of the definition of penultimate was almost successful. Unless there’s another episode coming that I don’t know about….
\thatguy
Definition of PENULTIMATE
1
: next to the last
There’s still three episodes after tonight.
See, and I thought tonight was the season finale
Shit. I thought next week was the finale. There are four more episodes? WHY? Is there any place left to go? Ugh. I guess Nero’s inevitable dark turn is still due, but there aren’t enough characters left to kill off to make four more episodes worthwhile, especially knowing Clay will survive the whole damn thing.
i brought up this mistake in the last Sons recap.
WHY DOESN’T ANYONE PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE
oh and i’m pretty sure every episode for the rest of the season is 90 minutes. which i think is hilarious.
I’m late on this, but don’t feel bad, Dustin. It wouldn’t matter if next week’s episode were the finale or not, because sports media has taught me that penultimate means “best ever”.
For sisters, Jane and Alex don’t get paired up very much. Seems like the writers could get a lot of mileage out of combining Jane’s manipulativeness and Alex’s dimwittedness.
I think there was an episode like that. With the Serbian stuff.
Newt is going on Colbert!?! Oh baby, that’s going to be a figurative fatal car accident.
I submit that Max-Jane is a great pairing. The zombie survival competition was great, as was the “who’s willing to wear the most embarrassing clothes” deal
I’m a big fan of Brad and Jane episodes
And Uproxx favorite Joel McHale on Conan.