What’s On Tonight: Not ‘Monday Night Football’

Monday Night Football (ESPN, 8:30 p.m.) — Nope, my Carolina Panthers aren’t playing Danger’s Philadelphia Eagles. This isn’t a game that’s going to air during primetime or have a KSK live blog, nor is it a game against teams with 2-8 and 3-7 records. That being said: CAM NEWTON RULES MORE LIKE SHEGLES.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.) — Jake and Finn’s “game of catch goes awry when their throwing disc is lodged in a large tree,” reads the episode description. Is a “throwing disc” the same thing as a “novelty flying disc”? If so, expect the Who to be involved.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Last week’s Marshall-approved episode of How I Met was its best this season, and hopefully tonight’s, with yet more Joe “Big D*ck” Manganiello, turns the compliment into a trend.

Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.) — In their infinite wisdom, NBC has decided this will be the final episode of Revolution until March, which is a strategy that worked so well for FlashForward and The Event.

Cake Boss (TLC, 10:30 p.m.) — Season premiere, and all I can think of is Paul F. Tompkins.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Jim Parsons and Maggie Elizabeth Jones on Leno; Ryan Seacrest, Erin Andrews, and Soundgarden on Kimmel; Lily Tomlin on Ferguson; Billy Connolly on Conan; and Jake Tapper on Colbert.