Oliver Stone’s Untold History of the United States (Showtime, 8 p.m.) — I’ve always imagined Oliver Stone explaining history would make him sound like a stoned college freshman — “You see, the World Trade Center attacks were orchestrated by the same midget who shot JFK, who was distantly related to Jimi Hendrix’s brother, who knew a guy who knew a guy who swore that George Washington was actually an Indian…born on the fourth of the July” — and tonight I’ll finally find out, in the first of Showtime’s 10-part miniseries.
Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.) — Season premiere. Season four ended on October 22, 2012, and season five begins tonight, November 12, 2012. All great shows, which Adventure Time is, should have practically no between-season breaks. You listening, Community?
How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8 p.m.) — Tonight’s episode is called “Splitsville,” population: a whole lot less people than a few years ago.
Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.) — Remember when Giancarlo Esposito was on Breaking Bad? That was cool.
Catfish (MTV, 11 p.m.) — Series premiere. It’s the TV show adaptation of that “documentary” from a few years about a woman who looks and is different from the way she presented herself online. Happens all the time. For instance, did you know Burnsy’s actually a buxom blonde who always wear your favorite band’s t-shirt?
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Bradley Cooper, Robert Klein, and Soundgarden on Letterman; Lea Michele on Leno; Jessica Lange, Adam Pally, and The Game on Kimmel; Dave Attell and Nikki Reed on Ferguson; Chelsea Handler on Fallon; Mike Huckabee on Stewart; and Ken Burns on Colbert.