I am going to talk about about last night’s excellent episode of Happy Endings in a moment, I promise, but first I need to say something that will cause me to EXPLODE if I don’t get it out right away: Eggnog is disgusting. The taste, the texture, the name, everything. The fact that it (a revolting beverage that can’t be saved even by the addition of bourbon, the brownest of brown liquors) is the beverage most often associated with Christmas (my favorite non-summer time of the year) appalls me. Knowing that people still insist on serving it at holiday parties in punch bowls that could just as easily be filled with some sort of rum-and-fruit-juice-concoction that other people could accidentally consume too much of and make hilarious spectacles of themselves with drives me straight up a festive, tinsel-adorned tree. Please stop. It’s gross.
That said, if you must consume eggnog — if you really, really must — last night’s episode depicted the only two acceptable ways: 1) A hidden pouch-and-hose contraption strapped to your back, so I don’t have to see it; and 2) Like this:
If you’re going to be gross, at least be hilarious about it. I guess that’s my point. And now, the highlights:
- Jane has a fake ID so no one will know she’s actually a Christmas baby, and she went so far as to lie to her husband about it. The woman is a sociopath. I adore her (and her “frosted spruce” colored eyes).
- Ringling Brothers for Brothers would have been “the greatest show on Earf,” and you are a racist if you laughed at that. Spoiler alert: Everyone is a racist.
- My eggnog aversion aside, I will say this: This show does big sight gags as well as any I’ve ever seen, and the nog pouch explosion and Christmas morning pepper spraying were both right up there with the prolonged piñata attack from a few weeks ago. This show wears chaos well. Also, please never pepper spray my peepee.
- “What’s gonna be open on Christmas? A gas station, drug store, Israel?”
- Alex has something resembling a deviant sexual need to open presents. There are many layers to this woman. She is not as simple as she seems.
- Speaking of Alex, here’s something that dawned on me the other day: I know cross-network crossovers are rare (see Community/Cougar Town), but I would happily pay $4.99 for a pay-per-view episode where Alex and Ron Swanson get together to eat ribs. I will go higher if necessary.
- “Recycle? What is this, Portland?”
- You know, between Sinbrad and Hip Hop Santa, Brad has a bit of a puppet thing going on. A delightful puppet thing, please don’t mistake me, but still, something to keep an eye on.
- Dave is both (a) a gift whisperer, and (b) horrible at soccer talk. Although trading Mandy Patinkin for a town in California is not altogether unreasonable. The Princess Bride is an important movie.
- Was … was that a Queens Boulevard reference from Jane? I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that. No, wait. I’m fine with it. False alarm.
- Max apparently once threw a balloon full of nickels off of Brad and Jane’s balcony and was charged with “quote unquote attempted murder.” I like that he has the same attitude toward inchoate offenses as Sideshow Bob. (That makes two Simpsons references, for those of you counting at home.)
- Finally, and most importantly, here are three GIFs of Elisha Cuthbert grinding on Hip Hop Santa. Have a great day.
All in all a great episode. Feel free to add your favorite moments in the comments.
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Oh man super late to the party on this one as I only started season 1 a few weeks ago and am still not caught up to real time, or the impending doom, but had I known there’d be badges I would have gotten here earlier.
After really looking at some Alex dance gifs, for scientific purposes only, of course, it’s quite obvious that Elisha Cuthbert can dance her ass off.
No comedy touches this show. I can’t believe more people don’t watch it.
Went and googled more end credits gifs. Such a fantastic episode.
So glad I stuck around and saw the end credits.
Best Christmas episode ever.
It’s official, I love Elisha Cuthbert and want to marry her. She has been surprisingly good at being funny on this show…
She’s come a long way since 24.
I’m glad Jane’s birthday isn’t July 16th. It’s my mom’s, and I don’t like having that association…
I love eggnog!! LOVE IT
ME TOO!
I’m the only one in my family that does.
My birthday sometimes falls on Thanksgiving (like this year) and it was totally obscured by the holiday. No cake. No cards. It blew.
In a post yesterday they said that ABC was just burning off episodes of this show – because they’re going to cancel it. I hope it’s not true – it’s one of the few shows on network tv that I make a point to watch. This and “Fringe”.
The kinda bad cgi slow mo of the one miniscule drop of eggnog that caused him to go crazy was funny to me. Also when the Asian waiter asks for their order and he says “…..drop a saki bomb in it, call it a Nagisaki bomb” lol
What was the Queens Boulevard reference? I must have missed that.
Reference to Entourage……..
It was Vince’s first movie…..
It was over my head, too.
was waiting for these gifs
“We better go before the riot starts” “what?” “It will be on the news”
Best episode of the season by far, and that’s a huge compliment. Brad’s pop and lock dance with the Hip Hop Santa early on just slayed me.
Don’t you mean it “Sleighed” you?
What are you doing? What is this … Oz?
Debilitating addictions are always funny.
They are, that is why I watch Intervention. That is the easily the funniest show on television.
They also mentioned the movie Love Actually several times. Elisha Cuthbert had a small role in that flick. I thought that was pretty funny.
God I hope Vince doesn’t read this comment. I’ve exhausted from defending Love Actually on filmdrunk.
Heh, totally forgot that.
I <3 Alex.
Those gifs of Alex. THOSE GIFS!
Christmas comes early … in my pants.
Best episode this season. Dave even cracked me up and he’s been annoying the shit out of me.
Maybe cause you dont get Dave………… He’s 1/16 Navaho
If I could buy my wife’s Christmas presents over again, I’d buy her a robe with two mace cannisters in the pockets.
Been wating for the Alex gif all day. Bless you.
I want hiphop santa
I want a Hip Hop Santa as well!
I AM SO SICK OF HAVING TO WORK LATE TUESDAY NIGHTS AND MISS THIS SHOW. DVR CATCH-UP TAKES TIME!
That being said, these posts are kind of like trailers for the episodes when I finally watch them. I kind of like it (though I’d much rather be watching it live).
I am most definitely building my own Hip Hop Santa. I must have one.
You take some eggnog add some saki BOOM Nagasaki Bomb!
I fucking hate how hot chicks are all hot and can dance and look all sexy and shit. So gay.
We need this show to last. With 30 Rock leaving us and HIMYM having been neutered for years, Happy Endings is the heir to show with the most jokes and best friends
agreed…….
What kind of unamerican communist hippie doesn’t enjoy a cold glass of bourbon and egg nog at the winter holidays period?
Only women and neutered men add anything other than ice to bourbon.
Only hairless Sphinx cats and dictionary salesmen drink their bourbon with ice.
Please, only the manliest of men do it right. Buttchugging
I hoping I get a hip hop Santa for Christmas this year.
I don’t know if I can ever unhear “O Christmas Tree” as “Jurassic Park/Jurassic Park/Newman gets killed bad”
Pretty sure that was Jingle Bells
We knew what you meant, twas great.
I love egg nog and I don’t care who knows it. Also, the Eggnostic gag had me rolling.
Eggnog and Corned Beef are foods that you can only eat on the holidays they are associated with. Any other time, it is disgusting. But on that one day, they are perfection.
Corned beef and cabbage is pretty gross. But corned beef from a good Jewish deli on a sandwich with mustard? It’s pretty amazing.
Reubens are made with corned beef and are spectacular
I hate sauerkraut and Corned Beef outside of St. Patrick’s Day, so Reubens are my hell food.
I seriously will not stand by any reuben bashing.
I would eat them every day if I didn’t think it would make my doctor cry.
I’m with Otto, reubens are amazing. And I love sauerkraut when I go to the German restaurant near my apartment.
egg nog is delicious. if you must add something non-alcoholic to it, may i recommend chocolate milk
Chocolate milk + egg nog? Congratulations on becoming my new best friend.
it was a revelation
I will try this next week.
it has to be store bought vitamin D so it doesn’t fuck with the consistency.
“I’m a drinker, but there’s one drink I dont like: Eggnog. How’d they come up with that one? I wanna get a little drunk but I also want some pancakes.” – Dave Attell
You know what Eggnog really is? You wont wanna hear it, but I’ll tell ya. ELF CUM! Thats what it is! You might as well pour it down you back and slap yourself on the ass.” – Dave Attell
I love that routine of his. Attell can be brilliant.
OPEN. THE. F*@&ING. PRESENT. PENNY.
+1
also, where can I buy a hip hop santa?
When you find out…let us know.
Great show. I don’t watch it enough.
I popped my Happy Endings cherry last night. it was glorious.
Whoa whoa whoa, where the HELL have you been if last night was your first episode of Happy Endings?
stuck in an acid flashback re-watching episodes of The Snorkles.
Smurfs > Snorkles
Shut yo’ mouf! Louis CK is sexy as f*ck.
Also, how did Alex not know Jane’s birthday was on Christmas?
She’s Alex.
Jane said that she instructed her parents to celebrate her birthday in the summer. Maybe before Alex was born/old enough to remember.
Jane is the older sister so it is easy to believe that Alex can’t remember Jane’s birthday being celebrated on Christmas. She would just have memories of Christmas, especially once they start celebrating Jane’s birthday in July.
What Mr. List said, plus, Alex is-a not-a so smart-a.
I need that hip-hop Santa, like, YESTERDAY.
I’m not sure what I love more, Alex making the turkey pop & lock or her dance off with hip-hop Santa. I hope I never have to choose.
Pop & lock turkey vs. hip-hop Santa, your move Happy Endings
Elisha Cuthbert is one of those people you just can’t believe they are as funny as they are because of their good looks. Chris Evans and Justin Timberlake are the same. Funny people just shouldn’t be attractive, e.g. Galifinakis and Louis C.K.
When has Chris Evans been funny? Except for maybe Scott Pilgrim
I thought he was in What’s Your Number, The Losers and Fantastic Four.
Not Another Teen Movie was, at times, amusing.
I actually have a lot of love for Not Another Teen Movie. Last parody movie made that wasn’t completely awful.
Timberlake is still a bitch.
Chris Evans had this really great joke that he told in the grotto at the Playboy Mansion. Oh what’s that, you weren’t there?
So sorry.
relevant:
[www.uproxx.com]
See also: Jon Hamm.
Chris Evans is a funny dude. his Doug Loves Movies podcast appearance was hysterical. dude was a drunk dumb bro in an endearing way
Casey Wilson and Adam Paley did a Comedy Bang Bang episode where they said that Cuthbert is so eager to please the rest of the cast (since most of them have strong comedy backgrounds) that when she does something funny backstage, she does it over and over again all day until she completely runs it into the ground. They also said they found it kind of endearing as well as annoying.
I’m going to say something controversial and I don’t care if it gets me banned, last night I decided forever: Alex > Jane. THERE I SAID IT.
HERE HERE
They’re blondes, so I’m going to assume they have Targaryen blood, and that they’re into incest, therefore, I choose them both. At the same time.
She’s been my favorite from the start. It would just be too nerve-wracking to be with Jane.
I’m firmly Team Alex. Those hip hop Santa GIFs do not hurt her cause.
Solid reasoning actually. Its a little known fact that Happy Endings is in the same universe as Game of Thrones
Yup, Max is totally one of Robert’s bastards.
Of shit! Max better be on the lookout for the Gold-cloaks then!
Elisha Cuthbert >>> 99% of the women in the world.
I’m still on Team Penny.
Season 1 I was solidly Jane > Alex. At this point, specifically after last night, definitely Alex > Jane.
Jane’s crazy eyes scare me. Espcially now that I know they are “frosted spruce”. But Jane’s legs. Wow.
They’re sisters man, you’re SUPPOSED to fantasize about them at the same time!!
To be with Alex would be so sweet.
To be with Jane, well, somebody would end up crying.
I think that would be me.
It’s not so much Jane vs. Alex as it is Jane’s legs vs. Alex’s tits.
I think yellowmenace just solved the puzzle.
It’s tough to argue with Cuthbert’s boobs, but I get the impression that Eliza Coupe is an Olympic-caliber freak in the sack.
The part that turned me on the most was the super intense rape vibe Alex gave off when talking about unwrapping presents. I’d like to wear nothing but wrapping paper in a deserted parking garage when she’s around amarite guys?
Alex has become a better character in the last 10 plus episodes. They really dumbed her down and made her more cute/innocent. I think when the show first started they didn’t have her quite pegged yet. Also I thought she was a cold hearted bitch for leaving him at the alter. But Jane has been consistently funny the whole show. For funny Jane>Alex For hotness Alex>Jane. But Penny is damn funny and cute too
Where is my badge?! Is Uproxxx waiting for my friggin’ birthday to give it to me?
Jane in a bath robe looks just as good as Jane in clothes. That woman completes me.
Yea….. sexy in a way that will leave you crying once its over……..
Regarding the Mandy Patinkin-Rancho Cucamonga trade, it means you also get the cast of Workaholics, so I’d do that trade immediately!
I agree! Egg nog is disgusting and no amount of liquor can save it. That said, my husband LOVES the Egg Nog shake from McDonald’s. Ewwww.
Homemade Eggnog is delicious. I’ve been making it every Christmas for the past 7 years. #Nutmeg4life
WHAT? In what magic country does McDonald’s have egg nog shakes?!
Egg Nog is the worst. There is no reason to drink it. Ever.
Because Happy Endings and I are best friends, they will be forgiven for reminding me that I used to watch Entourage.
Yeah, I was both mad at the show for the reference, and then at myself for getting said reference.
Indeed………. Entourage did fuck it up hard in the last season. and the finale was pure dysentary………….
I’m going to say it. Best Christmas episode of 2012 on the tele. If you disagree, I will water board you with nog.
But Community will have the greatest Xmas episode 2012 in 2013!
I think I laughed harder at New Girl’s Christmas episode. But they were both fantastic.
Seconded. This was my favorite anything episode for a sitcom this year.
bobs burgers was funnier