I am going to type a sentence in a minute or two, but before I do, I need all of you to promise me that you are not just going to skim over it. Nowadays, in an age when smartphones and WiFi put the whole world literally at our fingertips, we have a tendency to consume information at hyperspeed, sucking it all up like an industrial strength ShopVac, often without taking a second to try to wrap our heads all the way around it first. While this is great if you need to slap together a 10-page paper on the French Revolution over a weekend, sometimes it means that truly amazing tidbits get lost amid the noise. Please don’t let that happen here. Take a deep breath, focus, and read this two or three times, minimum, to really let it all wash over you. Deal? Great, here we go:
Lindsay Lohan paid off her $93,701 tax debt from 2009 thanks to a $100,000 loan from Charlie Sheen.
Okay, let’s unpack that a little:
Lindsay Lohan
Lindsay Lohan is a former child star who has faced a number of legal issues over the past five to ten years, many of them stemming from substance abuse and questionable choices in her personal life. As a result her career is in the midst of a spiral that reached new depths with the widely-panned Lifetime Original Movie Liz & Dick
.
paid off her $93,701 tax debt from 2009
Lindsay Lohan has just straight-up not paid her taxes since 2009. In addition to this $93,701, she also reportedly owes $140,203 for 2010, and the entirety of her 2011 taxes, as well. But now she has started to pay them off…
thanks to a $100,000 loan
… because someone loaned her — Lindsay Lohan, an individual who didn’t pay almost a quarter million dollars in debts to the United States government, has been in and out of court/jail non-stop for a few years, and has no discernible source of new income given the state of her career — $100,000. Who in the hell would be crazy enough to do something like that?
from Charlie Sheen.
Aaaaaaaaaaand there it is.
This is kind of like the blind leading the blind, except instead of actually being blind, they’re both just super high and wearing sunglasses inside a dark nightclub, bumping into tables left and right and spilling people’s drinks on the way to the VIP.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/51/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/michael_jordan-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/lauryn-hill-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/lohan-sailor-moon-150x150.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Screen-shot-2013-04-10-at-9.16.21-AM-150x150.png)
“What’s that, Lindsay? You can pay back the loan? I didn’t see that coming! Well, I guess we’ll have to think of other ways for you to pay me back, wont we?”
*unzips pants. Lights dim. Red smoke and evil laughter comes out of open pants zipper”
The fact that you left it as, “You can pay back the loan?” makes it more funny.
*can’t pay
Although, lets be honest. She’d probably fuck him even if she could pay him back.
Nice work Danger, but the headline spoiled the shock. You should have went Huffington Post with it.
“Lindsay Lohan paid off her debt with a loan from WHO??
Remember when everybody used to report on the train wreck that was Paris Hilton? I haven’t seen a story about her in years. One can only hope the same amount of attention will be applied to Lindsay in the new year.
Old news, but always funny.
How does one go about NOT paying their taxes? Seriously, I’d like to know. How do legitimate entities (Lifetime, for example) pay someone and not have taxes factored in?
If you’re an employee of some business, then they do all the annoying tax stuff for you: withholding payroll and income taxes, withholding certain benefits and non-taxed deductions, and all sorts of things. Then you get your net income with all of those other things filled out for you and an explanation, and in January you get a W-2 showing how much your employer already paid the IRS/state/etc. on your behalf.
If you’re an independent contractor, like actors are, then the people who cut your check don’t do any of that. Partly because they don’t know what to deduct or withhold, and partly because fuck you—you’re not their problem. So it’s a IC’s responsibility to pay their own taxes quarterly, annually, however it’s set up and do all the accounting themselves. They, or really their accountant, has to budget for how much taxes are supposed to be taken out and all that other stuff that your payroll department does for you employees.
But if no one is handling your money for you then that shit gets lost in the wind, and when the IRS sees a company’s payments made to a specific Social Security/Taxpayer Identification Number, but that SSN/TIN owner never sent a check to the IRS, then the IRS gets pissed and starts billing for what they should be owed, plus penalties, late fees, etc.
The first time I had to write a tax check to the IRS was the closest I’ve ever come to thinking “Hey, maybe the libertarians are onto something.”
Gotcha, so LiLo’s retarded on a whole new level.
- thx man. appreciate it.
Anyone from the KSKommentariat may be interested to know that NFL players, and other pro athletes are paid similarly, are basically paid per game. Why? Because it’s not enough that their income is taxed by the feds and their home states (unless they’re in a state like Texas without an income tax), but for every away game they are also taxed by the state they are visiting. This is another reason why ICs, self-employed, et al. aren’t taxed by their payors—they may be paying to multiple jurisdictions.
Had to fight that one, too, once. Took years to clear things up because the preparer was an idiot.
But rest assured, the Screen Actors Guild takes a cut before the tax man does. Their essentially mandatory membership is highly illegal but there aren’t a ton of union busters in the most liberal union of them all.
Martin, I actually knew that, but I was wondering just how that impacted the Bills players for the games they had in Toronto. Maybe Mario Williams’ contract doesn’t look quite so good.
Oh, foreign earnings. That used to be so easy to figure out. I’d have to look into it, and I’m too lazy right now. I assume Canada being a bunch of syrup-swilling socialists would tax them.
Sounds like an expensive blow-job to me……but then again I live in rural area….
Well, how much did he end up having to pay Capri Anderson? 150k?
I think Lindsay may have fucked a few less men and women than a porn star.
It seems that motherfucker can afford to be stupid. Hell, he probably spends more than that on a single hand of blackjack in Vegas. [www.celebritynetworth.com]
Shes not very good at life. even worse, she really is losing her looks.
How in the hell did she have an income that required 100K in taxes? Has she worked?
Exactly what I was wondering.
Charlie Sheen, on the other hand, despite being borderline unemployable as well, wipes his arse with $100 bills thanks to his Two and a Half Men loot.
It must have been from doing Machete.
A 100,000 dollar loan for a weekend of sex and drugs and probably a cameo on two and a half men? Charlie Sheen is quite the philanthropist
How great would it be if they were a couple?
I hear that while he’s still insane, Charlie Sheen is generally nice guy. This may be one of those “I’m trying to help her get her life back together.” ideas.
That, or he just really likes to get head from redheads.