CBS did the internet a huge disservice this AM by not having a video of UPROXX muse Alison Brie’s Letterman appearance uploaded to the world wide web bright and early. But I’m happy to announce that a clip of her stalker-tastic foot massage story with Dave has just been made available so I dropped everything (i.e. fan fiction entitled “Annie Edison and Trudy Campbell Open a Car Wash”) to get this up for you guys.
Unfortunately no footage of Ms. Brie revealing her full real name, Alison Brie Schermerhorn, is to be found, but Cajun Boy assures me it is pronounced “Skirmerhorn.” You know, so none of us makes a fool out of ourselves when we see her in the market and strike up a conversation about touching each other’s feet in a non-romantic way…
Moral of the story once again: Persistence is everything in life. And Alison Brie is good at dresses.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/62/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/abed-happy-college-show-650x365-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/alison-brie-stars-in-short-film-to-promote-irene-neuwirth-jewelry-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/chris-thumbs-up-650x364-150x150.jpg)
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I’ve got half a foot for Alison to massage….
I’m the foot fucking master. Got my technique down and everything. I don’t be tickling or nothing.
Now would you give a man a foot massage?
Fuck you.
Feet are gross.
seconded
Five minutes ago I would of agreed.
Seriously. And the dudes who are way into them are the creepiest fucking guys in the world. I’d rather hang out with vestigial tail fetishists.
My dissatisfied girlfriend-dar is picking up three strong signals.
To me, feet are just feet. There’s nothing especially gross or sexy about them.
How does she feel about platonic anal?
Yes, that. Or platonic tit job, I’m an open minded guy.
Platonic anal is vastly underrated as a pastime among friends.
That thundering crash you heard was New York Jets coach Rex Ryan falling out of his chair, completely besotted with the lovely Ms. Brie.
I thought I heard something breaking last night around 12:10. That must have been the internet.
Stupid YouTube country restrictions.
region cock blocked by youtube
haha, me too man, me too
Not sure if the sparkling at the end was real or not. I am half surprised I do not see sparkles whenever I lay eyes on her.
yes…feet…that’s…what……they’re…talking…about….losing………focus……………………..THATSAREALLYNICEDRESSALLISON.
Brie is just saying this so Tarantino will write her into his next movie.
/pictures Brie playing Hayek’s role in Dusk til Dawn.
/passes out.
If Alison Brie ran over my mother and then offered to have sex with me I would call 911 with my pants off.
She now rules Uproxx and the foot fetish community
Second.
This is how Hitler started people! Next it will be the Munich Beer Hall Putschsy.
Tarantino will cast her in his next film. I GUAR UN TEE
I would do unspeakable things to her… I would probably start out with just doing speakable things until we got to know each other better. I’m nothing if not a gentleman.
She’s quite attractive. I would buy her a coffee and inquire about food. Then I’d tell you all about it, journal.
The Foot Massage Guy deserves a fucking statue in the center of the Internet.
Who else heard a twinkling sound when they came?
Leno would have been drooling over this story.
Wait, I’m down for a completely platonic foot massage. Anyone got that guy’s number?
Where the f*ck have I been for so long? I had not realized how unbelievably attractive Alison Brie is….holy shit man. Id wash her feet with my mouth and I haaaaate feet!!!
what you are doing is bad and you should feel bad.
Please note the placement of Dave’s desk microphone in the banner image, if you catch my drift. Ewwwww.
Thanks Maske; I didn’t have to have NEAR as many tabs open to masturbate today.
Feet are the hands of the legs.
this
pop quiz hot shots? would you rather lick Alison bries feet or lena dunhams pussy?
Alison Brie’s feet and it’s not even close.
This isn’t even a difficult choice.
Oh come on, we’ve all put our penises against worse than Lena Dunham’s pussy (or Alison Brie’s feet)
How is this a question?
Royale with cheese motherf*ckers.
Most of you guys need to learn
1, this is not a porn site
2. get laid
@Loise, you make $27h…good for you! I make up to $85h working from home. My story is that I quit working at shoprite to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $45h to $85h…heres a good example of what i’m doing, fly38. ℂom
wow Letterman is archaic, bet he met the first fucking dinosaur